evangelin

I feel like a caged animal set free; everything is new and the possibilities are limitless.



I'm not, an animal of course.

I'm soul and spirit on a journey that once saddened me beyond words, beyond what I could communicate. How does a child say I am mortified to be here? I'm scared to death of all the things I desire but am told are wrong? I have no concept nor desire to live in this pretense like a drone, a fucking robot doing because I'm told to, expected to, live up to someone else's sick reality. Be responsible, for making everyone else comfortable with my responsible life and my responsible choices; all the while the joy inside me rots like dead flesh in heat.


While you were busy living I was busy dying; killing every lie ever told to my soul, slaying contracts made before my conception, understanding things my human mind still cannot wrap its mind around but my soul ahhhhh my soul is yet another matter. It is my soul that found these teachings, writings, songs and understandings and it's my soul that leads me now.


You ask what is that???? Ohhhhh [giggles] my ego You see I hung it from a tree and lived it did still, tormenting me, the exhaustive conversations in my head, so I then stabbed it with a knife and it but laughed at me still, unrelenting bastard! I shot it dead looked in the mirror and found myself bloodied. From damnation it screamed at me such horrors that I at once thought myself mad.


I believe in twin flames you see. If you wanted my help in figuring out what "this" is, you would ask me not what it is. You too would know! The question itself says you are not ready. While you were busy living as if I left you, instead of your running from me- I was busy searching the ends of time to understand. To understand You, then I, then life, my mission, my place, my passions, my fears, my truths, my lies, my soul. I didn't have to question death you see. Funny it is one of many polarities between us, but the understanding of your view gave me my biggest insight of self. I never had to question death because I never feared it. EVER! The thought of dying was like a down comforter on a cold, snowy day...
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=YuPQytpxxoo[/YOUTUBE]

I remember saying to someone in my young years out of frustration (one of those Aquarian) Uranus moments ya know? I said " I just want to run around butt naked with God and never come back here again." I remember the shock and uncomfortable chuckle, same that I got every time someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I learned quickly that I wanted to be whatever made that person comfortable. Whatever didn't make me feel like that stupid worthless girl that would never be anything because her dreams were stupid and not real.


As difficult as my choices have been for you to understand, thy have been torturous for me to live; but I had to know why I was here. I had to understand all of it, this journey, the pain, the struggles, US. I would do anything and give up every earthly thing because I felt so strong it was the only way. My ego served me so well and my life always guided me, I didn't have to think. If I imagined than what popped into my head manifest and my ego grew. One day I couldn't manifest anything anymore. Death started to surround me at every turn, but it wouldn't come for me. I could not create anything and my barriers were falling away quickly...fucking ascension.....


I would do it all again for the lessons I've learned, for the woman I am. There is no fucking cage to hold me back. My journey of understanding complete. I understand things I can scarcely put into words. I AM THAT I AM. I create my world as I wish it to be. I desire my partner, my beloved and i'll wait no longer for my union. I've come here for this, my soul family, my hearts desire- to be the light where dark exists. I have always been the light that opened the hearts and souls of the most closed hearts. As I think back and....life seems to be flashing before my eyes as if I were dying, as I flash back I see I have always done what I was here to do. It is who I am and all I know. So simple- who knew??? so much turmoil trying to figure out my gift or purpose and I am it!!! TA DAHHHH.


I believe in this and angels and guides and fucking fairies!

I believe in this sassy badassy silliness




All said and done - I believe in me and my power to have the loving partnership I never knew I deserved, but longed for. The relationship that most people will never experience because It literally means going mad. It means one will fight to the death to understand, to correct and to love unconditionally and I mean without any fucking human sense of condition which is an oxymoron as humans only relate to conditions; the conditions placed upon us from our lineage, community, society, ourselves. To love another without condition is the purest act there is.

To look at myself and know that I am capable of such love is the greatest gift I could ever behold. To understand that this love fueled all that I would do to be my highest and best self is beyond comprehension. What can be created between these two inconceivable souls, is far beyond even my own human concept. Our souls however do know. They have always known and conspired to move the heavens and earth for our union and that union will move many to new heights of love and joy while attracting the beautiful soul family that has waited lifetimes to celebrate and build together MMmmmmmmm.... It's a new dawn it's a new day...

I worked hard so you didn't have to .......And now I am free and I am more ME than a thousand lifetimes could ever unearth and I will have all that I desire


I bid you all the Most wonderful Holiday season and hope you are so full of Love and Joy!!!!