The past few weeks have really tried my soul in every manner possible. 26 hours on an hour sleep- no wonder the second half of the interview day turned to crap. In fact the second I landed in Houston shit rolled downhill. Obviously I am not voted on the island and I don't know if it is attracting companies that I find Vile due to their lack of integrity or the fact that they don't want me that is causing such a huge emotional upheaval. I've learned to really look at things they way they are- not the way it feels most comfortable to deal with,. Sometimes that view is just more painful than anything another human can inflict.
Speaking of realizations- I accidentally deleted all correspondences from the boy when someone put me on a God awful chain message that about twenty people kept responding too. In my effort to opt out and purge my poor phone of a bunch of unknown numbers and conversations- his got lost in it. it upset me and then I thought " Well what is there to remember anyway? His Never wanting to communicate with me? his girlfriend making me feel like a leper while pretending to be Him ( due note I dont know that it was her that responded to a text I had no business sending! Or maybe the last text of I still don;t want you around but that was my girlfriend that replied not me.! He's so eloquent and polite always but really He just doesn't want me either. Sounds like a great big Pity party, it's not. I prefer to live in truth rather than hide in shadows and lies. Not a pleasant trip to the highest self- but I've nothing more to lose so what the hell!!!
From Addictive to Enlightened Relationships Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships, and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional. They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are in love, but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency. It seems that most love relationships become love/hate relationships before long. Love can then turn into savage attack, feelings of hostility, or complete withdrawal of affection at the flick of a switch. This is considered normal. If in your relationships you experience both love and the opposite of love attack, emotional violence, and so on then it is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your love has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the egos substitute for salvation, and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation. But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the love relationship now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you. When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain. This attack may awaken the partners own pain, and he or she may counter your attack. At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behavior, so that it can use them again as a cover-up for your pain. Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. Theybring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever.
This is one reason why most people are always trying to escape from the present moment and are seeking some kind of salvation in the future. The first thing that they might encounter if they focused their attention on the Now is their own pain, and this is what they fear. If they only knew how easy it is to access in the Now the power of presence that dissolves the past and its pain, the reality that dissolves the illusion. If they only knew how close they are to their own reality, how close to God.
Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room. But if you could bring intense presence into your aloneness, that would work for you too. Eckhart Tolle~shared by Liora www.twinflame1111.com
Speaking of realizations- I accidentally deleted all correspondences from the boy when someone put me on a God awful chain message that about twenty people kept responding too. In my effort to opt out and purge my poor phone of a bunch of unknown numbers and conversations- his got lost in it. it upset me and then I thought " Well what is there to remember anyway? His Never wanting to communicate with me? his girlfriend making me feel like a leper while pretending to be Him ( due note I dont know that it was her that responded to a text I had no business sending! Or maybe the last text of I still don;t want you around but that was my girlfriend that replied not me.! He's so eloquent and polite always but really He just doesn't want me either. Sounds like a great big Pity party, it's not. I prefer to live in truth rather than hide in shadows and lies. Not a pleasant trip to the highest self- but I've nothing more to lose so what the hell!!!
From Addictive to Enlightened Relationships Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships, and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional. They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are in love, but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency. It seems that most love relationships become love/hate relationships before long. Love can then turn into savage attack, feelings of hostility, or complete withdrawal of affection at the flick of a switch. This is considered normal. If in your relationships you experience both love and the opposite of love attack, emotional violence, and so on then it is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your love has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the egos substitute for salvation, and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation. But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the love relationship now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you. When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain. This attack may awaken the partners own pain, and he or she may counter your attack. At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behavior, so that it can use them again as a cover-up for your pain. Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. Theybring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever.
This is one reason why most people are always trying to escape from the present moment and are seeking some kind of salvation in the future. The first thing that they might encounter if they focused their attention on the Now is their own pain, and this is what they fear. If they only knew how easy it is to access in the Now the power of presence that dissolves the past and its pain, the reality that dissolves the illusion. If they only knew how close they are to their own reality, how close to God.
Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room. But if you could bring intense presence into your aloneness, that would work for you too. Eckhart Tolle~shared by Liora www.twinflame1111.com
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B. I hope it goes well, and will definitely keep you posted. This is my first "date" since having my heartbroken ---- about 20 months ago now.
C. Greek does RAWK. I'm now craving some mousakka.
You have a great weekend as well.