evangelin

What had I done to deserve this pleasure?Blessed, delicate,drenching love, the kind of love that must be offered up at a place of worship to which sacred oblations are brought. The kind of love that defies rational explanation and can only be appreciated by experiencing its sublime meaning, its profound power, its spiritual potency. in another Taken from the book The Lady, The Chef and the Courtesan-Marisol~

It's funny that I loved reading this book so and i have been on the last chapter for months. When you hear of love so intense and deeply passionate it usually has a tragic end where one lovers fears or cowardice usually drives them to some realistic union! I'd rather die of heartbreak and still just may...

I have been preparing for something the likes to which I am not sure of for months, but it has taken a feverish almost desperate turn in the last weeks. It's no wonder today I am exhausted. I was supposed to shoot in Panama City witth Lorelei. I was really looking forward to not only the shoot but also a quiet weekend on the beach, I'd even thought of inviting my friend, instead i got very drunk with him in philly and took a ladylike spill. NOT!

I take a spill about once every few years. Not the walking on ice expected to do so spill, I mean the totally embarassing most inopportune moment, like with the guy you like rocked by Patron. Whether my foot was the cause ( I couldnt walk on it just 2 hours after returnng to the hotel) or perhaps the fall caused both injuries or maybe I did something while walking barefoot pissed off in Center City because i felt like I had another trip amd fall coming, I dont know! I can say I am always a lady and clown when busting my ass, as I went down on my knee ( which then swelled, black and blue with a really cute wound) Laughed and thought it was so funny that I rolled myself on to my back and laughed my ass off and would not have gotten up...because I was tired and the ground was apparently comfortable!But Mousie helped me up so...

Anyhow-it has been really great getting to know each other, till I realized and he probably realizes the same- Philly is my 2nd choice and I still have ghosts to slay there. What I have been working toward is elsewhere and Home for me so its just not fair. I made it known and now the push away...I have been distracted in the past and allowed the fantasy of what if. I have no more time and the tenacity overtaking me now I know I have to ride it to its fullest, so i push past my distractions.....

I guess I would rather drown in failure and heartbreak then to not fight for my happiness. Hopefully my happiness and love are ready to be the exception to such passions and fight for me as well.