I would like to go to the top of a mountain and just shout at the top of my lungs.....I AM FUCKING OVER MY LIFE. I would almost think I was a bad person and Karma is just kicking my ass or someone plays with witchie pooh toys and really really REALLY doesn't like me. Mostly - i just continue to try and get through all of this crap that is my life right now.
I realized my loyalties no matter how noble aren't worth my effort. I see people at their best and although not oblivious or careless with my heart ....I really really realized I am able to love from a distance and I am rather hurt by someone that I have watched be less then standup with the people that should matter in her life. Infact my general overall opinion has always been Judgemental, Overall Nasty, bossy, inconsiderate of most but not all, unable to be a true confidant and unable to see their opinions don't mean shit inregards to the personal choices others make. Time and Time again I have been mortified at the behaviors I have witnessed- big mistake is when it's turned on me.
It's hard to know someone really genuinly loves you and you them, but you really don't LIKE the person and there presence may be more harmful then not. SO I am hurt AGAIN, and really unable to tuck tail. I thought it was a given that certain liberties were off limits and once again I'm not being heard -great eye opener and better sooner then later. Perhaps I'm a shitty friend and people and ties are becoming too much for me to deal with, emotionally raw and taking everything as an attack. I doubt it though- I'm sensative in very strange ways, but not that sensative. As far as relationships go all I can do these days is thicken up my skin as it used to be and move cautiously through the muck. As for this situation I don't dispose of people I love not easily.....but this is a relationship that will never be the same. I just can't stand so fiercely loyal to someone that is incapable of seeing outside themselves to the destruction they cause.
It's a shame ......but NOW I fully understand!
I realized my loyalties no matter how noble aren't worth my effort. I see people at their best and although not oblivious or careless with my heart ....I really really realized I am able to love from a distance and I am rather hurt by someone that I have watched be less then standup with the people that should matter in her life. Infact my general overall opinion has always been Judgemental, Overall Nasty, bossy, inconsiderate of most but not all, unable to be a true confidant and unable to see their opinions don't mean shit inregards to the personal choices others make. Time and Time again I have been mortified at the behaviors I have witnessed- big mistake is when it's turned on me.
It's hard to know someone really genuinly loves you and you them, but you really don't LIKE the person and there presence may be more harmful then not. SO I am hurt AGAIN, and really unable to tuck tail. I thought it was a given that certain liberties were off limits and once again I'm not being heard -great eye opener and better sooner then later. Perhaps I'm a shitty friend and people and ties are becoming too much for me to deal with, emotionally raw and taking everything as an attack. I doubt it though- I'm sensative in very strange ways, but not that sensative. As far as relationships go all I can do these days is thicken up my skin as it used to be and move cautiously through the muck. As for this situation I don't dispose of people I love not easily.....but this is a relationship that will never be the same. I just can't stand so fiercely loyal to someone that is incapable of seeing outside themselves to the destruction they cause.
It's a shame ......but NOW I fully understand!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
P.S. I don't know where Dot went..sorry..".people come and go so strangely around here"