Sometimes I wonder if he is real. Did I dream a dream of a man that could understand the debths of me all the while knowing he has yet to experience them? Did I dream of a man that could invoke passion that I have yet to feel for any other ....3000 miles, 3000 .....and I can feel him. Times when I hurt or i'm lost and realize it's not me. Did I dream a dream so convoluted that I believed it was ......true? Did I touch this man this beautiful soul?
Was he there when I stared so deep in his eyes wanting him to just BE, just show me what he's feeling...
Words seem so hard sometimes. They never seem to come out right or seem too much or at times far to little. How do you touch a persons soul without words, without touch? I miss this dream. I miss this image of my friend who understands, who shows me his vulnerability. This man that excites me with his passion for life, who's voice makes me feel so safe, so adored. His spirit is Not like the wind-he is always in movement -here and there, everywhere, was he an explorer? Still and introspective- what does he ponder in his solitude? No he is not like the wind. The wind is still or angry and violent but always predictable in it's state. He is not....predictable at any given time. Perhaps this is why I love this dream-I never know where it will go or how it will be. Yet like a fish caught in a storm, i am rattled and tossed about in a sea of emotion. I can't navigate, I have no one to save me here and await the storm to pass and the ocean to calm so I can regain -I don't know-what do fish regain???
I still feel like the fish-avoid the net, swim faster than the other creatures that would swallow me whole -and for what? I don't know.....
I long to dream of this Man, dream of the soul and intellect and beauty he posses. Long to hear stories that amuse me and learn things I didn't know. To disagree without angry voices and hurtful comments, to see eye to eye and to gaze in his eyes at the soul he won't show. Maybe words are too much or too little for him to express. I wake and I wonder, and I curse this dream and want it to go away and never return...then I close my eyes and hope it comes to me unexpected, always welcome always adored......but I haven't had the dream in awhile-fleeting images, cold, no debth almost nothing-the same nothing or surface safety everyone else gets. Somewhere I became like everyone else 1minute here, a courtesy call or message while moving about from here to there. Assurance there is no time for debth or connection. Being nice. This is not the dream I once dreamt so sweet it scared me, but I wanted to keep dreaming. No this is not that dream.....
I wonder If it was all a dream-did I awake to abruptly? Perhaps it is all gone and I am the last to know, perhaps it is all slipping away and I don't know how to stop it. Perhaps it was just the dream a silly girl dreamt. Perhaps I am just a silly girl anyway....
Was he there when I stared so deep in his eyes wanting him to just BE, just show me what he's feeling...
Words seem so hard sometimes. They never seem to come out right or seem too much or at times far to little. How do you touch a persons soul without words, without touch? I miss this dream. I miss this image of my friend who understands, who shows me his vulnerability. This man that excites me with his passion for life, who's voice makes me feel so safe, so adored. His spirit is Not like the wind-he is always in movement -here and there, everywhere, was he an explorer? Still and introspective- what does he ponder in his solitude? No he is not like the wind. The wind is still or angry and violent but always predictable in it's state. He is not....predictable at any given time. Perhaps this is why I love this dream-I never know where it will go or how it will be. Yet like a fish caught in a storm, i am rattled and tossed about in a sea of emotion. I can't navigate, I have no one to save me here and await the storm to pass and the ocean to calm so I can regain -I don't know-what do fish regain???
I still feel like the fish-avoid the net, swim faster than the other creatures that would swallow me whole -and for what? I don't know.....
I long to dream of this Man, dream of the soul and intellect and beauty he posses. Long to hear stories that amuse me and learn things I didn't know. To disagree without angry voices and hurtful comments, to see eye to eye and to gaze in his eyes at the soul he won't show. Maybe words are too much or too little for him to express. I wake and I wonder, and I curse this dream and want it to go away and never return...then I close my eyes and hope it comes to me unexpected, always welcome always adored......but I haven't had the dream in awhile-fleeting images, cold, no debth almost nothing-the same nothing or surface safety everyone else gets. Somewhere I became like everyone else 1minute here, a courtesy call or message while moving about from here to there. Assurance there is no time for debth or connection. Being nice. This is not the dream I once dreamt so sweet it scared me, but I wanted to keep dreaming. No this is not that dream.....
I wonder If it was all a dream-did I awake to abruptly? Perhaps it is all gone and I am the last to know, perhaps it is all slipping away and I don't know how to stop it. Perhaps it was just the dream a silly girl dreamt. Perhaps I am just a silly girl anyway....
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Hope all's well, gorgeous..
Much love!
xo