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evangelin

Atlantic City NJ

Hopeful Since 2008

Followers 395 Following 370

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Thursday Sep 18, 2008

Sep 18, 2008
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We are all flawed the degree to which a matter of skewed perception, that of ourselves vs others. Somehow that perception is truer in the middle. Not necessarily THEE Truth, but a truth. A truth is hunger. What hunger is? A perception. THEE Truth is - we must Feed!

I've made reservation from time to time to dine. My companion? Hmm...mesmerizing,compelling at times overbearing and consuming, goes by the name of fear. I'm always fascinated at the duality of fear. There as I await to entertain and be entertained it comes...this meal of Pity, self loathing, guilt, denial I am full, but I am starved. How can this be? I drink a heady libation of unsurmountable insecurity, doubt, instability, unease.Still emptiness is all I feel. Dessert you ask? Well what is a meal without dessert? Failure! That is both the answer to the question and the dessert itself. A HUGE serving of BIG, BOLD, overwhelming Failure!

Death would be kinder than these dining experiances. I do hope Zagat doesn't phone me.I'd love to tell the truth of my experiances past, but one never knows when you may find yourself dining there again.I've Fed it's what we must do, if not -death would be immenant. Why does it feel near? Ahhh my companion Fear is here with me, so terribly comforting. Is that an oxymoron? No matter -i'm starved and I must try something different. I must; or what else is there?

I barged into an establishment and there were no empty seats...I was called to a table that extended far and wide. I bought my strength to the table in hopes that I would find sustenance. Miraculously a seat opened for me. I sat and I dined and drank and was full. we laughed and entertained each other and we were entertained. Glorious!!! I was so full I nearly drifted off to a heavenly slumber...when I realized I was alittle hungry again. So I ate at my leisure and the entertainment doesn't stop. Wherever you look upon...there it is.Tthe table is full of others like me. We have all bought our strengths to the table so our weakness/shortcomings if you will, failed to exist. Alone we dined on fear and nearly died. With like abundance is plentiful.

When we are ready to bring strength to the table, fear has to find someone else to seduce. I'm fine with that. He sucked anyway. I keep his number just in case I feel like slumming sometimes. I'm human. If not for dark how would we appreciate light? I flirt with him. He tries to seduce me....and somehow I end up back at the neverending table of abundance where I sit at the head of the table awaiting the one that will sit across from me. In the meantime I entertain and I am entertained. I am whole and nourished. On my own, with those who dine beside me. More will join and all are welcome as long as, they bring there strength. To share of course!!!!

Still I wonder of the one across from me -we will see eye to eye, be the same, but different, whole together, yet whole independant. Perhaps as we are entertained, our legendary fodder becomes entertainment. I love it. All things in it's time. That's the glory of being the student of life. We can never be the teacher......

I do hope when he arrives i'm not out gallavanting with fear.............


Layne-a beautiful mess...

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