i'm hungry...at nearly midnight I'm lying in bed, wide awake typie mc typerson-and hungry like a mo fo! I think I may venture downstairs for a few fags and hope the hunger passes. I love the whole not eating meat and dairy and blahdie blah. It's like i'm a human vacum cleaner now. I'm never grossly full or feeling ill,however I have noted that when I'm really hungry..i get lathargic and hit bottom. ....hmmm I better just fucking get er done and eat come to think of it. I ended up in 7eleven face down in a banana muffin yesterday...from toiling around town with her. I kept saying -hungry gotta eat...and then I felt like I was mumbling and dragging. Really I can't blame her, she would ask what do you want??? I really didn't WANT anything...except to get my sugar level balanced and I wasn't really forming full sentences. she better get a clue, i'm indecisive on my best moments, crashing -just fucking feed me- no meat no dairy and it's all good. Just Hook a girl up- GAWD!!!!
Then I have the friends that are like are you still doing that.....
Yeppp I am and you know what??? I don't have issues with irritable bowels nor did i have to pay $$$$ for Carmen Electra to work out to what ever video and eat whatever it is she's telling people to eat-so they can drop ten pounds in a week. and gain fifteen several weeks later...DUH! but I do love a bunch of my friends and with most things -2 years from now they'll be singing the praises of listening to what is not in harmony with there bodies,yoga ....they'll get it or they won't but I'm happy. Happy my back stopped hurting from Monday power Yoga. I felt road hard and put away wet on tuesday! DAMMNNN
This not working thing - two weeks. I planned 3-6weeks of just sitting back loving life not even thinking really about what's next. I am bored and I soooo will NOT admit that to anyone in my circle. i don't know if I am not dealing with my emotions or if I just need to make like Forest Gump and RUN....that's my urge-just go somewhere anywhere ....giddy up Alas i talk myself down for fear of not facing emotional things, as is my natural tendency.
I'll work it out. I've been able to talk about my ex without going to that place .....it's still hard to say he's passed and I don't really, when it's come up I will but there's really not much to say. He's gone and it sucks and here's the tears forming. This is why I don't just follow my little whims.I don't want to look up a week month year or ten still having this little impromptu reaction. He's in a happy place and that';s all I ever wanted for both of us. I chase it here, and he just wouldn't even try anymore.
The E byte was cool. happy 2nd anniversary to Sash and I find it hard to believe anyone so beautiful would have confidence issue's. If I had her mmouth- I wouldn't speak! her mouth is amazing, amazing!!! But it goes to show, we all have our shit. AND it really is just a manifestation gone wrong in our heads. That really fucked me up though that the date on the video is March 11. A good friend ...um, well No he really isn't, and further I am really at a loss to explain his tall, lanky, blond haired, blued eyed ass, cause I got nothin.Johnny rocker as he was code named by a friend. And actually has the audacity to be intelligent and well read. Fucker. he also has the attention span of a two year old. Terrible two's... It's like being possessed by the devil for over 2 years. It was the sex...good grief...geez....Gawd it was phenominal and he has really good qualities but we have really fucked with each other over the years and had to fight to become friends...always a connection but you can't have that crap go without maintenance and keep it totally private and have to look at each other every day. we did manage to become friends and he really is not the guy for me...and sometimes that in and of itself is hugely disappointing. We both kinda played the what if game and really we fucked it up for a reason-just not good for each other. he left the company. I was a fucking mess and joe died that same afternoon. I found out the next morning I sense now it was probably more of me KNOWING or sensing Joe than JR's jetting off to do whatever the fuck he's up to now. None the Less. not a day I will ever forget. It's like someone took my heart and smashed it with a sledge hammer, then sliced at my soul until it was just ...shreds of nothing.
SO...Job???? career??? Not really concerned right now. I made it through the worst even though I have my moments, like when I'm typie mc typerson in the bed on my 17 inch laptop that I would Fuck-cause that's how long it's been since i've had sex....with another person that is!!! AND I'm hungry and sorta want a cocktail but I am literally drunk off two drinks!!! WTH??? That's pathetic. Last nite I was laying in bed praying that the room wouldn't spin. Good thing I only had to go from the patio, up the stairs cause....Two drinks!!!! although I was the bartender and the glasses were alittle ......sizeable. I was home why the shitake mushroom not???
and I love Love LOVE this HP..I love her-but i don't know how to work the web cam....cause i'm to scatter brain to sit down and really focus on programming her. But I will.... I lIke gadgets. And the hunger thing I really think is in my head. I have a modeling gig Saturday for this hair show yada yada blah blah...and so I think in my mind I feel like self sabotoge. hey-don't work out and eat moderate and drink plenty of water the week before your supposed to look phenominal or anything. just go ahead and start breaking out and getting alittle soft...cause that's hot and i just scratched the inside of the tip of my nose...shit! Hummus and some little kashi crackers. a fresh bottle of water and two cigarettes and I'm shutting her down now and getting some good sleep.<aybe some blueberries too. hmmm
my nose burns from the scratch....
OH Yeah BTW- Hezza has a set up and it's really lovely. Like just calm ...the green looks really pretty on her with the little hits of red......Check it out...i liked it alot!
Then I have the friends that are like are you still doing that.....
Yeppp I am and you know what??? I don't have issues with irritable bowels nor did i have to pay $$$$ for Carmen Electra to work out to what ever video and eat whatever it is she's telling people to eat-so they can drop ten pounds in a week. and gain fifteen several weeks later...DUH! but I do love a bunch of my friends and with most things -2 years from now they'll be singing the praises of listening to what is not in harmony with there bodies,yoga ....they'll get it or they won't but I'm happy. Happy my back stopped hurting from Monday power Yoga. I felt road hard and put away wet on tuesday! DAMMNNN
This not working thing - two weeks. I planned 3-6weeks of just sitting back loving life not even thinking really about what's next. I am bored and I soooo will NOT admit that to anyone in my circle. i don't know if I am not dealing with my emotions or if I just need to make like Forest Gump and RUN....that's my urge-just go somewhere anywhere ....giddy up Alas i talk myself down for fear of not facing emotional things, as is my natural tendency.
I'll work it out. I've been able to talk about my ex without going to that place .....it's still hard to say he's passed and I don't really, when it's come up I will but there's really not much to say. He's gone and it sucks and here's the tears forming. This is why I don't just follow my little whims.I don't want to look up a week month year or ten still having this little impromptu reaction. He's in a happy place and that';s all I ever wanted for both of us. I chase it here, and he just wouldn't even try anymore.
The E byte was cool. happy 2nd anniversary to Sash and I find it hard to believe anyone so beautiful would have confidence issue's. If I had her mmouth- I wouldn't speak! her mouth is amazing, amazing!!! But it goes to show, we all have our shit. AND it really is just a manifestation gone wrong in our heads. That really fucked me up though that the date on the video is March 11. A good friend ...um, well No he really isn't, and further I am really at a loss to explain his tall, lanky, blond haired, blued eyed ass, cause I got nothin.Johnny rocker as he was code named by a friend. And actually has the audacity to be intelligent and well read. Fucker. he also has the attention span of a two year old. Terrible two's... It's like being possessed by the devil for over 2 years. It was the sex...good grief...geez....Gawd it was phenominal and he has really good qualities but we have really fucked with each other over the years and had to fight to become friends...always a connection but you can't have that crap go without maintenance and keep it totally private and have to look at each other every day. we did manage to become friends and he really is not the guy for me...and sometimes that in and of itself is hugely disappointing. We both kinda played the what if game and really we fucked it up for a reason-just not good for each other. he left the company. I was a fucking mess and joe died that same afternoon. I found out the next morning I sense now it was probably more of me KNOWING or sensing Joe than JR's jetting off to do whatever the fuck he's up to now. None the Less. not a day I will ever forget. It's like someone took my heart and smashed it with a sledge hammer, then sliced at my soul until it was just ...shreds of nothing.
SO...Job???? career??? Not really concerned right now. I made it through the worst even though I have my moments, like when I'm typie mc typerson in the bed on my 17 inch laptop that I would Fuck-cause that's how long it's been since i've had sex....with another person that is!!! AND I'm hungry and sorta want a cocktail but I am literally drunk off two drinks!!! WTH??? That's pathetic. Last nite I was laying in bed praying that the room wouldn't spin. Good thing I only had to go from the patio, up the stairs cause....Two drinks!!!!
although I was the bartender and the glasses were alittle ......sizeable. I was home why the shitake mushroom not???and I love Love LOVE this HP..I love her-but i don't know how to work the web cam....cause i'm to scatter brain to sit down and really focus on programming her. But I will.... I lIke gadgets. And the hunger thing I really think is in my head. I have a modeling gig Saturday for this hair show yada yada blah blah...and so I think in my mind I feel like self sabotoge. hey-don't work out and eat moderate and drink plenty of water the week before your supposed to look phenominal or anything. just go ahead and start breaking out and getting alittle soft...cause that's hot
and i just scratched the inside of the tip of my nose...shit! Hummus and some little kashi crackers. a fresh bottle of water and two cigarettes and I'm shutting her down now and getting some good sleep.<aybe some blueberries too. hmmmmy nose burns from the scratch....
OH Yeah BTW- Hezza has a set up and it's really lovely. Like just calm ...the green looks really pretty on her with the little hits of red......Check it out...i liked it alot!