This is me after an interview. Writing a blog entry and pondering my desperation -- positive, yes; but I still NEED this job. Every little detail of every moment comes to mind; criticizing my abilities and sense of self. Am I cut out for this? Do I really know what I think I know? What if it doesn't work out... what then...
I obviously keep applying for jobs, says the practical man within me. However, even if I do get this job, it could be up to two weeks before I start and possibly another two before I see a paycheque -- which is definitely not good. If I even get a job somewhere else, it's more or less the same.
Problem is I haven't even paid off all my debts this month and definitely don't have enough for rent this coming month -- let alone those rounds of bills. I've been bitten in the ass by a bad client who keeps 'deferring' payments. Everything would probably be fine if they would just pay their invoices. Such is the world though.
The agony is so deep though that I have a hard time feeling it now. It's one of those things we gain strength from -- resiliance in a sense. Those of us who are able to comprehend in spite of impending madness eventually see the world in subdued colour; rising above the pressures and pains in our lives, leaving them behind in the dull waters below the surface of our minds. Rising to meet the sun that can no longer just be a sun; but a symbol that is like clarity. It shines a light on colours that make them more than just colours; instead they become a myriad of possibilities of each colour's potential to be more like itself in different ways.
Such is the world.
PS: NanoWrimo is starting again in a couple days. Yes I've entered myself again and this time I will make it to 50k damnit!
I obviously keep applying for jobs, says the practical man within me. However, even if I do get this job, it could be up to two weeks before I start and possibly another two before I see a paycheque -- which is definitely not good. If I even get a job somewhere else, it's more or less the same.
Problem is I haven't even paid off all my debts this month and definitely don't have enough for rent this coming month -- let alone those rounds of bills. I've been bitten in the ass by a bad client who keeps 'deferring' payments. Everything would probably be fine if they would just pay their invoices. Such is the world though.
The agony is so deep though that I have a hard time feeling it now. It's one of those things we gain strength from -- resiliance in a sense. Those of us who are able to comprehend in spite of impending madness eventually see the world in subdued colour; rising above the pressures and pains in our lives, leaving them behind in the dull waters below the surface of our minds. Rising to meet the sun that can no longer just be a sun; but a symbol that is like clarity. It shines a light on colours that make them more than just colours; instead they become a myriad of possibilities of each colour's potential to be more like itself in different ways.
Such is the world.
PS: NanoWrimo is starting again in a couple days. Yes I've entered myself again and this time I will make it to 50k damnit!