eterpay

Squeeze the life from me. Leave me behind to dry. Find in me the lack of a will to go forth, and replenish myself. A rhine with no name. Pulp and flesh equaling that of pure nothing. Taste the irony. Lick the droplets of savory distasteful comments. The metaphor dies, and the simile has grown sick and weary. This untasty chore that has become my life is more than bearable. Its mundane. A child with no father. A life that will soon be wasted. The gift that has been stolen. Its everything, and nothing that I can do to remedy the situation.

I take no sick, no hungry, and no poor. I find it amazing that people think these are things to help. Take out your self-righteous frustrations on someone else. I could care less about the destitute company our nation has taken under its arms. Bootylicious women with no faces. Men with wallets that reach below their knees. Loves that are lost, and some that are never found. Find me with the sick and destitute. Find me with the crying child that has no father. Ill never be there, but always there within myself. Find me the time of day that gives unto me the feelings and thoughts to make it a special day for someone to enjoy. I hate myself for the happiness that is feigned. Cut me a piece of that American pie. I want whats mine. A clear conscience, a full resolution, and feelings that are somewhat reminiscent of a normal person.

But what is normal. What makes me the special someone? What gives me the right to want what is never attainable? Why is it so easy for some, and others so difficult? Ive loved and lost too many times. My silent suicide eulogy. The time of day isnt long enough to transcribe it to paper. The effort for such a task is astounding. Nothing begets nothingness. Loneliness begets loneliness. Love begets love. Im neither lonely, loving. Yet, I am nothing. I give unto those I love nothing, and everything to those I despise. I give the reasons to hate. I hate. We all hate. Lets all get together and hate someone.

Again, its slipped though my fingers. Shes gone with the night. Sex ruined, destitute, and unloved. I want her no more than I did yesterday. Shes filled me with the cleansing fire of her being. Her aura makes me sweat. Take my breath away, and keep it. Find me a reason to reset the futile search for the love of my life. Lesbian, lover, and one day the mother of those who deserve her. But not me. I fling for the best, and drop trow for the worst. The vibrating human male. Quivering and scarred, steeped in dramatic conclusions, and otherwise unfaithful remarks. Pointed in the wrong direction, and hated on so many levels. None more so that the hatred I put to myself. Hate me, and youll find a friend for life. We share a common bond. I hate you, and youll never even know it.

This is my silent suicide eulogy. This is what I have to say to the world. This is where I stand on us. You and me, whoever you are. No more lies, no more discerning whom I can trust, and whom I cant. Find in me your strength and savior, and Ill give you the murderous martyr that claims victory at the expense of others. I love you, and Ill never know you.

So, take this small dabbling into view, and realize that you mean something to me. More so that anything Ive ever known. Ill miss you. But heres to the funeral of us. We had so much for so little time. Allow me to hurt you once more. Give me the cleansing breath of a clean breakaway. Dont follow me to where Im going.

Youre in my heart forever