I've been reading the Nietzsche books my sister gave me. She was a psychology major in collage, and these books are hand me downs. Its cool, she has all her notes in the margins. I would never go to collage for psychology though, not because I wouln't like it. I feel that while your teachers teach you something, they also condition you to think, not for yourself, but as they do. I chose to read these books, of my own free will, and i'm free analyze it how I see fit. Am I better off for it, I don't know, but I feel I am, so fuck it.
I found one quote that has sorta hit me hard. "Under conditions of peace the warlike man attacks himself." Its one of my biggest faults. I can't let things go, not that I regret all that much, but I remember it all so I can torment myself later. Its a trial by fire, all to make myself stronger for the next battle. When I was young I would get into fist fights all the time (another one of my problems, I can't back down, from just about anything). I won some, and I lost some, but always came back for more. I think I was 17 or 18 the last fight I got into, Me 5'11" 140, and him 6'4" 220. We were friends....till then. I was getting my ass beat untill I snaped, not sure if I was more afraid of myself, or him afraid of me after that. Long story short I needed to stop all the fighting befor I ended up in jail. My personaly hasen't changed, just how I express it.
I think the biggest reason this is all coming back up is, my most resent Ex girlfriend desided it was a good idea to send me a e-mail threw myspace after a year and a half. Not to say she was sorry about fucking me over or anything like that, it was basically to rub it in. I was pretty fucking cruel, I knew all the right buttons to push, and still don't feel one goddamn bit bad for any of it.
Anyway, its late, my insane ass is going to bed, and this Vodka is coming with me.
I found one quote that has sorta hit me hard. "Under conditions of peace the warlike man attacks himself." Its one of my biggest faults. I can't let things go, not that I regret all that much, but I remember it all so I can torment myself later. Its a trial by fire, all to make myself stronger for the next battle. When I was young I would get into fist fights all the time (another one of my problems, I can't back down, from just about anything). I won some, and I lost some, but always came back for more. I think I was 17 or 18 the last fight I got into, Me 5'11" 140, and him 6'4" 220. We were friends....till then. I was getting my ass beat untill I snaped, not sure if I was more afraid of myself, or him afraid of me after that. Long story short I needed to stop all the fighting befor I ended up in jail. My personaly hasen't changed, just how I express it.
I think the biggest reason this is all coming back up is, my most resent Ex girlfriend desided it was a good idea to send me a e-mail threw myspace after a year and a half. Not to say she was sorry about fucking me over or anything like that, it was basically to rub it in. I was pretty fucking cruel, I knew all the right buttons to push, and still don't feel one goddamn bit bad for any of it.
Anyway, its late, my insane ass is going to bed, and this Vodka is coming with me.
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Do you know what is easier than feeling off of anger and self destruction? Trying to find the source, embrace it, work through it and eventually say goodbye to it. What your ex did just makes it apparent that she still has a lot of growing up to do so in essence, instead of growing upset at her actions, you should pity her need to act like a child.
As for the vodka, share
and thank you for your advice about my current employment situation, have a good night.