Its one of those nights as usual I am board and want something to do. I am drinking rum and coke and wishing I am somewhere else. I have lived many places and led many different types of lives. I have learned much yet I still seek the things that I cannot have right now. It is times like this that I am the loneliest. Most of my friends are hundreds of miles away and my friends here all work different schedules. I miss the constant human contact of my life in the south I always had something to do or someone to hang out with of course allot of that was my girlfriend but even when she was busy there were other people to hang out with and other things to do here I dare say there is nothing. Yea there are people here that I would like to spend more time with but they never seem interested in doing anything so I guess I am screwed until I can get out of this god forsaken hell hole. I lost sight of my goal for so long that it is hard to get back on track but hopefully soon things will happen at least I know the ball is rolling but it isn't moving fast enough or is that just my impatiens. I need to live for the now and get my future moving I need to shed my fears from the past and be the man I know I can be. There is one thing that I am grateful for and that is the fact that the bad depressions are gone I believe I have that part of my mind under control now the only thing that gets to me is loneliness and that sucks. I just want people to be truthful about things if they don't want to do anything they should tell me if they want to do something they should tell me I can take it either way I have been hurt so bad in the past that its almost nothing now but it gets to me when people are not genuine. There are people that I know will tell me the truth always they are people who I can trust and who I will do anything for people like my brothers Mike, Dave, Brad "Jesus" , and My big brother Chris, then there is Heather Mike's wife and Correne Chris's wife and of course friends like John and Wes and then there are the girls I miss them so much Amy she is my Asian twin sister god I miss her and then there is Annya andDenise "The Great". There is only one member of my family to mention here and that is my Cousin Debbie. Only two people on this list are in this area and that saddens me. Oh well I am just in this mood because I am drinking it will be all good in the morning. 