Well, I have finally returned. 
Woot! Try not to be too excited now. Just kidding. I know I am not the greatest thing in the world. I can however tell you some stories, so if you are bored and need a novel to check out, then you are in right place. I have so much to talk about. I would not have to write such a long blog, but two things have prevented me from being on the internet for the past two days. First, our internet was being really crappy. This is because I live in a very rural area. Even though we have DSL, our connection was running slower than dial-up ever did. This is due to the fact that here in Ansted, West Virginia, our phone lines are comparable to paper cups connected to string. Our internet is effected and so is our telephone. It cracks constantly and you can barely hear on it as well. That is why I want a cell phone so bad, but unfortunately I am unable to get one right now. My credit is two bad to get a phone on a contract and to do a prepaid plan I have to buy a phone and right now I can not afford even a crappy phone. So until then, I am stuck with a crappy phones. Not to mention, everyone I need to call is long distance and we do not have long distance here at the house, I have been buying tons of phone cards. It is really driving me crazy. Finally, on Monday morning an internet technician fixed the internet. Now it is blazing fast. However, with most things in my life, when something good happens, a bad thing usually follows. Right after the internet was fixed some severe storms went through the area. This led to power outages in our area. Since we are in a rural area, everyone around us got their electricity back Tuesday morning around 4am. We however, did not get ours back on until closer to 6pm. Sadly, they are predicting more storms for tomorrow and the next day so the power can go out again. These days it seems as if the wind will cause a power outage. I really miss living back in Charleston. Charleston is the capital city of West Virginia, so naturally there is more things to do and better technology and stores. Here, I basically live in the woods away from civilization. So that pretty much explains my absence from the site.
On to the excitement I have experienced over the past few days. It really isn't all that exciting. I am actually the most boring person you can meet, but I will fill you in nonetheless. I suggest you grab a snack and a drink. Many of you know me well enough now, to know two things are about to happen. A) I am going to write a book instead of blog and B) at some point I am going to ramble therefore getting me off topic, but I will try my best not to do this too much. I know it can be rather frustrating reading one idea and then something else completely unrelated to the issue pop up in there. I am really working on this character flaw, but I happen to be failing rather than succeeding.
So, I guess first I will discuss all that has changed in my life since I have moved in with Pezmaster and his family. When I left home, it was completely unplanned and out of fear. My stepfather threatened to kill me. I had no choice, but to leave. I owned the house and everything in it, but left it all behind except for three or four boxes of clothes just to be with who I at the time was the only person who loved me and that was Pezmaster. He frantically called his parents and explained that I was in danger and needed a place to stay. Before I moved in there was seven of them in the house and they did not have much room. However, they graciously invited me into their house with open arms. My boyfriend, Pezmaster, and I have been together almost a year. Our anniversary is June 12th. They barely knew me though. Other than meeting me once or twice, they know nothing about me. Yet, there was no hesitation in their decision. I learned a lot of things that first night with them. Pezmaster and his family both immediate and extended are the kindest people I have ever met. Just because I was dating their son they wanted to ensure I was safe and happy. This was proven in many ways that first night. First, I smothered with comforting hugs and kiss. Then later that night Pezmaster's mother went to the store and bought a bunch of food for me to see due to the fact that I am diabetic and she knew a lot what they had would be unhealthy.
A few weeks later, I got to have an actual birthday celebration. Mind you, my parents stopped doing holidays when I was a 11. No presents, cake, or anything. To them it was just another day to remind them they were old. Since I shared the same birthday as Pezmaster's sister we did a few things. We got to taken to dinner at a Chinese restaurant and they sang a traditional birthday song to us in Chinese. Also, we got a huge cake made with roses of colors in which her and I considered our favorites. Also, his family bought me clothes, since I had to leave most of my behind when I left home, as well as a card. This made me so happy. For once, I felt I had a family that wasn't dysfunctional. After this, I even started referring to Pezmaster's parents as mom and dad and I am very close to all his siblings.
Then came Christmas. This was the best one ever! Mainly because it was the first year I got to play "Santa." Many of you are already aware that Pezmaster has a young son named Brandon from a previous relationship. His biological mother sees him once a month, if that and does not contribute to raising in him in any sort of financial way. Until I came along, it was all on Pezmaster and his family to make sure Brandon had what he needed and was loved as any child should be. It angered me greatly that his mother acted this way and still does six months later!
Now however, I consider Brandon my own and he slips every now and then and calls me "mommy." I do not mind at all. In fact, it makes me quite happy that he thinks of me that way. However, I will be honest about something. I NEVER wanted children. I do not have patience and frankly they got on my nerves very easily. Yes, they are cute and fun to play with, but in my opinion, I enjoyed them more when I got to let them go back to their parents at the end of the day. Brandon however, has changed my perception on children. He is no means perfect and at times I get very frustrated. I still do not feel comfortable disciplining him. Partially, because I am scared of his mother. Otherwise, I am just too soft hearted. So currently, we are having some discipline problems with Brandon because he feels he does not have to listen to me and knows if he doesn't I will not do anything to him to show otherwise. This is something that I am working on. What it boils down to is simply that I do not want to be like my parents. They were mean, abusive, showed no affection to any of us, and frankly were not very good role models period. I want to give Brandon a great life. I want him to be loved. I want him to have everything he needs and more. I want him to grow and respect his parents and love us for what all we have ton for him. Right now, he is too young to know what his biological mother doing isn't right to him, but I hope as he gets older he will realize that it was I who was there for him.
Sorry, but I got a little off topic, but I needed to give a little background information to make things a little clearer. When Christmas came, I wanted to get Brandon everything he wanted. I did not care if it cost a million dollars. This is where Pezmaster and I butted heads.
He does not want Brandon to be spoiled on think they everything he asks for he will get. He wants him to grow up knowing that you are rewarding for being good and working hard. I agree with him on this logic, but the kid is four. So we argued a little over it, but in the end we compromised and Brandon had a wonderful Christmas. I got him the top three things he wanted, which was a play cookware (he pretends to be a chef all the time. I think someday he will be the next Gordon Ramsey. Perhaps, with a little less cockiness and attitude ), play food to go with his cookware (you have to have something to cook, right?), and some toy guns that used caps and smoked when you shot them.
I expected to get absolutely nothing that Christmas, except for maybe a gift from Pezmaster. We give each other gifts frequently. In fact, every month on the 12th we get each other a little something to symbolize another month of our relationship. Even though, I did not expect to get tons of gifts, I still bought everyone in Pezmaster's family something. I asked each of his siblings specifically what they wanted and his parents as well. Each of them got what they asked for. It ranged from DVD's to video games. I am the type of person that will smile tremendously knowing that I have done something to make someone else smile. I was excited about them opening their gifts and was not concerned if I got to do the same.
However on Christmas Day, I was greatly surprise. Each of Pezmaster's family had bought me something. They asked around to see what I liked and went and bought the stuff without me knowing. I even got my own stocking on the wall filled with all my favorite candies. Family members that did not even know me had bought me gifts. We went to a couple family functions at each one I was welcomed with open arms and given a gift just as everywhere. You must understand, I have never been treated this way in my life. These people are angels in my opinion. Granted they do not have the most money, but they will do anything for anyone just out of the goodness of my heart. I love them deeply and hope that I am half as kind and generous as they have been. The kindness continues as more time passes and it now Spring.
Brandon had a birthday on April 4th, once again I loved being the surrogate mommy. I bought him a cake with his favorite Power Ranger on it (He is obsessed with the Red ranger who is apparently named Jaden. I have not watched the series since the original. From what I can tell the few times I have watched it with him, it has changed a lot). I also got him shoes that lit up when he walked. He wanted this most of us. I also got him Power Ranger action figures. I was not the only one he got gifts from. He came out like a bandit. Between the entire family he had about 12 presents or more. To do something a little extra special, I purchased tickets to take him to the circus this Sunday. It is in Charleston. Brandon knows I am from Charleston, but thinks of it as some far away place and I guess to a four year old a two hour drive would be. So on Sunday, Brandon, myself, Pezmaster, and his brother Travis are going to the circus. I get paid the day before, so Brandon will get to enjoy the whole experience no matter the cost. If he wants a snow cone, so be it. If he wants a light up flashlight, then he will get it. I am completely prepared to butt heads with his father again, but I want this to me a very special occasion. We plan on taking lots of pictures, so I will able to share later.
After the birthday celebration was over, came Easter. I normally enjoy holidays for the most part, except for Thanksgiving. By now you are thinking I am pretty strange, right? Who hates Thanksgiving? Well, I think part of my hatred for the holiday has to do with the fact that it involves eating. I suffered from Anorexia for many years during high school and college and still have times in which being around tons of food makes me uneasy. Then on top of the Anorexia making food unappealing, I also had the lap-band procedure almost four years ago and after having the procedure I was on a liquid diet for six weeks and then after that had to limit my portions dramatically. I am talking measuring foods out in ounces and cups. Fixing a meal for the first couple of years was hell and made me dislike food even more. To add more problems to my plate, I also developed diabetes due to being overweight. Anyone knows that being on a diabetic diet sucks ass and adding the lap-band diet to it made eating almost impossible. Now however, I do not have to stick so much to the stringent lap-band diet and my diabetes isn't as severe. Basically, I just avoids lots of sugars and count carbohydrates a lot when grocery shopping or going out to eat.
See I told you that I would get off topic, I started out a blog about how my Easter turned out, which was my original intention and somehow I got on a completely different topic. So I am going to back track now and get back to the writing about the upcoming Easter holiday and the day itself.
Growing up as a child, we were taught to believe in the fictitious characters of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and I think every child should believe in these things. It increases a child's imagination and creativity. So I was glad my parents did that for us. However, unlike most parents I am sure, we stopped getting gifts from the Easter Bunny and Santa around 11 years old. This even included birthdays. Yes, you heard me correctly. I did not receive any gifts from my parents for any holiday or birthday after I turned 11. I mentioned this earlier in the blog and having experienced thus far something completely different with Pezmaster and his family is really hard to get adjusted too. For some reason, I feel like I do not deserve the kindness and love that I am now getting due to being treated so badly up until this point in my life.
As far as how my parents treated holidays, well it sucked.
You always heard about your friends getting all this stuff, some of which are still getting these things and they are in their 30's. I never understood why my parents did this. Maybe, they wanted to teach us that we had to earn rewards and gifts and that they aren't just handed to you? So due this fact, I do not really look forward to holidays as far as me receiving a gift. I do however, give them to others. I love buying for others and generally spend no money on myself. It is rate if I do and someone normally has to force me, because I feel guilty and think that someone else should be given something instead of me splurging on myself. This could be an ideal drilled into my head by parents. To be honest, I really do not know why I am this way.
Concerning Easter this year however, I experienced a lot of mixed emotions. For one, this Easter was the one that I would not be surrounded by my own family. Granted most of my family is crap, but I do have those that I still love and respect and in they do me in return. Basically, the only family I really have any contact with is my younger brother, his girlfriend, and his daughter, Lacy, who will be 4 next month. Yes, I did meet new relatives a few weekend ago and I am sure I will start celebrating things with them soon, but for now all I have is Pezmaster and his family, who are awesome in every way, as I have mentioned before. In fact, I do not think I can say it enough or that their is even an appropriate word to express how wonderful they really are. Possibly, epic?
The thing that saddened me about this Easter was the fact that I would not get to be with those few family members I do care about. I missed Lacy hunting Easter eggs in the yard after staying up late and decorating them in the kitchen. I missed seeing her opening her Easter basket, which I in past years helped fill with candy and toys. It just really makes me want to cry thinking about it. However, I did call her that evening and talked to her. She told me that even though Aunt Jen Jen was not there she still had a good Easter, but made me promise to bring Brandon, Uncle Pezmaster, and myself to Charleston soon for her birthday. She will turning 4 on May 16th. So I promised her I would and she said that I better or she wouldn't eat any cake and that would make her mad because cake is her favorite! *giggles*
Without me knowing, Pezmaster spoke to his family about me being sad about not being home for Easter. So once again, they all went out of there way to make the holiday very special for me. His mother went out and bought over a 100 dollars in candy. She bought 3 dozen eggs to color. Not to mention, she especially bought special things for each of us individually.
The night before Easter was pretty eventful. Pezmaster and are alike in the fact that we are really bad procrastinators. This could be bad when it comes to parenting. I feel sorry for Brandon when he gets older! We went and bought his Easter basket Saturday night. Surprisingly, their were many parents doing the same as us so we did not feel too bad. We planned on buy a basket that was store made and then adding more goodies to it. Brandon was also going to get a basket from grandma, or Pezmaster's mother. So as usual, he is going to be rolling in goodies. Also, while at the store we had to buy carrots. Brandon had informed us earlier in the day that bunnies eat carrots and we needed to leave the Easter Bunny a snack so he would have enough strength to deliver all his baskets. According to Brandon, when you eat, the food doesn't go to your stomach. It goes to your arms and makes muscles. Drinks on the other hand, go down the waterfall in his throat and then to his belly. His logic truly is funny sometimes. So we bought a bag of baby carrots and I was quick to inform Pezmaster that I hated the orange sticks and refused to eat them! 
So he graciously took the task of ultimately finishing off the carrots that night. Sometimes, I do not know what I would do without him. 
Once we returned home from shopping, we began coloring Easter eggs. Some of them were plain while others had names on them and for Brandon's sake we let him draw on a few. I felt especially special at this point because Brandon stuck my egg in the orange dye (he knows that is my favorite color) and once it was finished something special was wrote on it. It said, "Mommy Jen." I almost cried. We dyed eggs until almost 1am. Brandon went to bed way before that and he helped sit the carrots on the living room table. Once he was good and asleep, the Pezmaster's mom, sister, and I started to put the basket together. All of us had our own basket, except for Pezmaster and I and his parents. Since we were couples we shared a basket. Every basket was filled to the rim. Pezmaster's mother bought a variety of candy, but bought something special for each of us individually. For myself, she was certain to buy me Reese's eggs and bunnies as well as a white chocolate rabbit. She knew my favorite candy. That is something my own mother doesn't even know. It really made me smile! Pezmaster got a bad of black jelly beans to himself! I personally hate them and think they are the grossest thing on Earth, but to each their own. Since Easter he has made several points to kiss me after eating those horrid things.
As usual Pezmaster and I stayed up until almost 5am. We are real big night owls and this is bad with a four year old whose internal clocks wakes him up at 8am every morning. So were dreading the next day. We knew we would be extremely tired and so not up for all the festivities of the day.
Brandon woke up the next morning right on time and he was completely uninterested in the two baskets left for him on the living room table. He also did not even notice that all the carrots we had left out the night before had been eaten. All he wanted to do was watch SpongeBob! His father and I are thinking that maybe he is just too young still to get excited over such things as holidays. He acted the same way at the beginning on the month on his birthday. He was just not into it. Due to rain, we did not get to actually hunt Easter eggs outside like we had originally planned. So that bummed me out quite a bit. We did however, have an awesome dinner that night with ham and potato salad. One important lesson was learned on Easter for both Pezmaster and I. Tons of candy and Brandon makes a demon appear. We are thinking next year maybe more toys and less candy because by the end of the night I was wishing murder was legal or that it was allowed to sell children on the black market.
Before I get on to tell you about the rest of the week, which is basically an update on Brandon's medical problems as well as my own, I want to share a very story about Brandon that pertains to Easter. This way I am staying on topic and not rambling! *giggles*
One day his father and I got to talking about religion. I was raised a Baptist going to church every Sunday. He on the other hand, did not. As an adult now, I still consider myself a Christian. Although, I do not think I need to go inside a building to prove that. I feel as long as I live a good life, treat others like I wanted to be treated, have faith, and pray when needed, that I will be seen as a good person in the eyes of the man or woman upstairs. My boyfriend agrees with me on this concept. He just has a problem with organized religion as a whole. He thinks it is more about money and glorifying a church than actual faith like it should be. So during our discussion, Brandon came into the equation. We decided to ask him who Jesus was. Completely to our surprise, he looked at us with a completely straight face and said, "A monster!" At first, his father an d I snickered silently, but then we corrected him and told him that Jesus was not bad like a monster, but a good guy who helped and loved a lot of people.
Later however, we got to thinking. Brandon does have point. Jesus did rise again. So since he was dead and was resurrected, that would in turn in fact make in a zombie. In all senses of the word a "zombie" is generally considered by most to be a monster. So although, it was somewhat inappropriate for Brandon to have that impression, he did have a point. As they say, "Kids say the darnedest things!"
Now on to the rest of this week. You are already aware of the internet difficulties and the power outage, but on top of all that Pezmaster and I had a pretty full week of medical appointments with Brandon. Since he is 4 and still not potty trained, we were starting to get concerned. We were thinking he might have some sort of mental delay so we decided to get him checked out. First, he had to go to the pediatrician for his normal check-up. We did this several weeks ago.
First, I must say the experience at the pediatricians office is something I will never forget. Let me tell you something, it was an experience. I have zero experience with kids and growing up I was never around little ones much by myself. All of my relatives that I was close to were all close to me in age and there wasn't many younger kids in my neighborhood, so I never got to do the whole babysitting thing. The only remotely thing close to babysitting in my resume of life is spending time alone with my three year old niece, Lacy. As a matter of fact, Lacy and Brandon are actually the same age. Brandon however, is just a month older. They have yet to meet, but I hope when they do they become friends with each other. Who knows, maybe someday if Pezmaster get married, then they will be cousins. love Awwww, the thought of that makes me smile like you would not believe. However, neither Pezmaster nor I are interested in getting married anytime soon. Hell, 10 months ago I was engaged to someone who I had been with for almost 19 years. So I especially am in no rush for all the excitement and planning of wedlock.
Although in all honesty, I would perfectly content just living with Pezmaster forever with the comfort of knowing that we were in a committed relationship. I do not need a piece of paper to validate that or a ring to show off my status. In the same sense however, I am a typical girl and I still hold on to the belief that all of us dream of our prince charming who sweeps us off our feet like in a fairytale and you ride into the sunset together as if everything will always be perfect between the two of you.
Wow, somehow I once got way off topic. *giggles* I told you it was bound to happen a few times during this blog. After all, it is quite a long one. I am sure by now some of you are just scanning and not reading. It is alright I do not hold it against you. I still love you!
Anyway, back to the original thought: Brandon, the doctors appointment, and how I dealt with the experience. First, let me say being the girlfriend to someone who has a child makes situations like this extremely awkward and even more so when you are around the child more than their own biological mother (this really angers and upsets me: her absence that is, but that is a whole another story that I will save for later). When we entered the office everyone in there wanted to know who I was and why I was there with Pezmaster and his child. This included the receptionist ( do not ask me why she cared), the nurses, and of course the doctor.
Since I had been living with Pezmaster and his family, Brandon has simply just referred to me as, "Jenny." I had no official title, nor did I feel like I deserve one at this point. After all, Pezmaster are not officially married and our relationship could end at anytime (hopefully, I am not jinxing myself, and I do not this to ever happen) leaving completely absent from Brandon's life. I think this is partially why Pezmaster was hesitant for me to meet his son or even try to form any kind of relationship with him. I do not blame him at all considering how the child's mother left and doesn't come around much. The poor little guy does not need any more disappearances in his life, which in my opinion could and may led to him having abandonment issues.
Sorry, once again I got off track, but now back to the story. Once Pezmaster and I started having to address the question of who I was to Brandon, two things happened. First, without any thought Pezmaster just blurted out, "This is aunt Jenny!" Well, normally this would not bother me, but this would be one mixed up situation. For me to me to technically be Brandon's aunt, I would have to be sleeping with Pezmaster's brothers. Wait, not both. *giggles* Just one of them, but that definitely isn't the case, so it was very funny and somewhat disturbing that he blurted out "aunt." I asked him about it later and he said he just blurted the first thing to come to his mind. He did not mean anything by it and I totally understand. Then a few minutes later, Brandon decided to ride on my lap, since I was using my wheelchair that day due to walking so much. When a second nurse approached us she said, " Have a fun ride with mommy!" I just glared at Pezmaster. We both just smiled. This seemed to look more logical and appeared to make more sense. To the medical professionals we appeared to be a small family and I did not mind the reference at all. The only thing that left me perplexed was that Brandon did not correct or disagree with the statement made with the nurse. Given he is only four, but even at that age one would think he would speak up and say, "She is not my mommy. My mommy is so and so!" So maybe in his mind, I am a mother figure and that suits me just fine. Someday when he is older if he chooses to call me "mommy" that would make me even happier. I love Brandon to death. Even though he can be a little demon sometimes. Surprisingly, this is coming from the person who never ever wanted children, but in moments like this, the thought of it isn't so bad to think about. Of course, my mind is in complete disagreement when he is throwing a temper tantrum or not listening to anything we say. Got to take the good with the bad, right?
As for how the doctors visit went, everything was great. He is on level for his age and the doctor even said he was highly intelligent. That makes any parent proud and I was sure grinning from ear to ear. Although, she did notice he was having trouble with some fine motor skills like standing on one foot without holding on to something and hopping like a bunny with both feet together. However, she assured us that at this point this is not a big ordeal and that those skills can be tuned up. Just for right now, he isn't going to be the most athletic child. That is alright, though. Who knows, he may grow older and not even be interested in sports. He may be a gamer or a collector of comic books or movie memorabilia. However, it turns out I will love him for him and that is how it should be. Parents should always support their children's goals and dreams and I plan to do nothing less than that. I especially do not want to be anything like my parents. That is my most important goal in this journey of raising a child when I never thought I would. We also found out that he is caught up in his vaccinations and is ready for preschool if we want to enroll him. Sadly however, for this to be possible he had to get four shots and watching him grow through this absolutely broke my heart. The nurse did them quick but kept saying it feels like a bee sting. He is four and is too little to remember the only time being stung by those evil creatures called "bees." So for one he was scared. He had no idea what this was going to feel like and secondly, he was unaware that he had four ahead of him. The poor little guy screamed his lungs out and squeezed Pezmaster's hand like crazy, but he came out like a trooper. He got a toy, but very adamantly will now tell anyone he hates "shots." He even complained about the band-aids. I do not blame him. They were the cheap, ugly brown ones. Why would a pediatrician not have colorful band-aids? I guess I will never know. Budget cuts, maybe? Nonetheless, I hated seeing the little guy go through the torture of it all. However, as a reward for acting so tough, Pezmaster and I got him his favorite happy meal from McDonalds and then took him to a huge park to play for awhile. After coming back home, he took a nap and the dramatic day ended peacefully for both of us. I think together both he and I have a lot to get adjusted to and I am sure we will have many more interesting experiences together.
Next came the ophthalmologist appointment. Brandon was born with an eye that turned outward and since the age of two has had to wear both prescription and corrective lenses. At this appointment we were hoping to see if the glasses had corrected the "lazy" eye or not. Brandon was not thrilled about going to another doctor at all! He immediately asked about shots, but we reassured him that there would no shots this time. However, this time he experienced eye drops for the first time. As with the shots, I think that this was also very traumatic for him. We had to hold him down and he cried a little, but he forgot all about it once he got to pick out a new pair of glasses. He knows he basic colors pretty well and immediately narrowed the glasses down to two choices. A neon blue pair and then an blue pair with green ear pieces. Ultimately, he decided on the neon blue pair. He told us he liked those because they matched daddy's jacket and he liked hearing me say how cute he looked in them.
Once we saw the doctor we learned some things we did not know. For example, Brandon has no depth perception due to his eye condition. Also, he is unable to focus properly like the rest. We were informed that this could be the cause of his problems with fine motor skills as the pediatrician, but we were also told that it could be due to something being wrong in the brain. The "lazy" in other words is not always due to simply the eye muscle. Brandon's vision had also gotten severely worse. This lead the ophthalmologist to give us somewhat bad news. It was bad enough knowing that something could be wrong in the brain, but we were then told that the eye had to be corrected with surgery. To do the surgery Brandon was going to be referred to the same doctor in Charleston that appeared on Teen Mom 2 on MTV. I also saw this same doctor as a young child, so I know he an excellent doctor. If it wasn't for him, then I would still be blind as I was when I was an infant. The ophthalmologist also recommended that we get a brain scan to ensure that nothing was in fact wrong in that area.
Once I got home that evening, I made the calls needed to schedule the brain scan and also an additional appointment to get the hernia checked. That leads us to this week. Thus far, Brandon has had two doctors appointments. The first was on Monday. He had to go see a gastrointestinal specialist. Let me give you a little background information to help you better understand the importance of this appointment. You see Brandon was born with a hernia and it pushed his belly button out real far. More so, than an outie belly button. He also has a pudgy belly due to the hernia and occasional pain there, so we wanted to see if the hernia needed to be corrected and was in any way related to the potty training difficulties we were having. The doctor determined that Brandon did in fact still have the hernia, but it was quite small. These types of hernia's are normally repaired before the age of two, but since it was causing no immediate problems, that we were alright for the time being. He wants to see us again in six months, unless Brandon begins experiences pain near the hernia, stops using the bathroom frequently, or starts showing more of a bulge. Otherwise, they suggest no surgery would be needed until he was at least five or six. This sure was a load of Pezmaster and I's mind, but we were still concerned about the brain scan.
The brain scan was scheduled for today, but instead we just got another neurological exam and then another referral for the scan. This appointment was far more pleasant and Brandon was even comfortable enough to talk to people in the waiting room as well as to the doctor. Normally, in public the child is mute, but today he was talking a mile a minute. The doctor gave him a look over and said, "Well, he doesn't have Cerebral Palsy." When he said it, I giggled. He looked at me strangely and informed him that I had Cerebral Palsy and knew Brandon obviously didn't. Out of all the forms he had absolutely no signs. This doctor basically felt that they eye is the REAL problem. Sadly, we were told that Brandon is functioning with one eye. That is why his motor skills are decreased and he can't focus on you while you are talking, which makes understanding difficult. The doctor said even with the surgery Brandon probably will never have any use of that eye, but the good thing is since he is so young and we are getting the surgery done early, his other eye will compensate for the lack of the other. He still ordered the brain scan, but is almost completely certain that nothing will be seen. We were told that Brandon will have difficulty once he starts school with learning the alphabet and reading and such due to having only one real functioning eye. This may even cause him to fall behind or require special education level classes. This thrills me. My child is fine basically. He will be like other children and make friends and play sports, etc. He will just have to work harder to learn. I am studying to be a teacher so he is in just the right family. By the time I am done with him, he will be a genius. You just wait. So overall, Pezmaster are pleased! We know it is just going to be frustrating on down the road for both us and Brandon, but together as a family we will be just fine.
Now that Brandon appears to alright, I am starting to worry about myself. Those of you who have been subscribed to me since last summer are aware that this same scenario played out then. Except last time, it was my right foot. I walked on it for over a week before I went to the doctor. When I finally did, they had to run numerous tests and I was given multiple diagnoses ranging from Charcot's Syndrome to bone cancer. However, finally after a bone scan they realized that my ankle was simply broken in several places. So I was ultimately put in a cast for the entire summer. To make matters worse, somehow my gimp ass (and I mean that in the most humorous fashion possible) managed to break my foot while the ankle was in its protective cast.
So now that the left foot was acting in same way, I or Pezmaster did not want to take any chances. We spent over 8 hours at the hospital. I had a CT scan and numerous blood tests ran. Ultimately, they determined two things that need further investigation. One, my blood work showed that I had a positive Rheumatoid factor, which basically means I have a painful form of arthritis that will require further treatment. Secondly, the CT scan showed that the Achilles tendon on my left foot is abnormally thick. I believe the thickness of the tendon is scar tissue due to the numerous surgeries I had as a child for treatment for Cerebral Palsy. The Emergency Room doctor was not so sure why it was like due to orthopedics not being his specialty so he suggested I follow up with an orthopedist.
The next day I found a orthopedist close to where I live. I was informed that he would take a look at the tendon, but as far as the arthritis was concerned he believed that he would ultimately have to refer me to a Rheumatologist. Also, he was uncertain as to whether he could fix the tendon. He had to see me first. All this uncertainty does made me very uncomfortable about seeing this doctor.
Well, my gut feelings were correct. This doctor did absolutely nothing. As soon as he opened my chart he said, "I really do not think I will be of much help to you!" All he really did was x-ray my ankle to see if it was broken, which it wasn't and tell me to take Aleve. What? He did not even look at the tendon and when I asked him about the arthritis factor coming positive he said to ignore it. I thought the man was ignorant myself or perhaps it was the fact that he was so old he reminded me of Gandalf from "The Lord of the Rings." He gave me a half pair of panty house and a shoe brace for my ankle, which makes it hurt worse.
That night I told Pezmaster that I wanted to get a second opinion. I also need to get my real braces fixed so I made appointment for this Thursday to get them adjusted. In the meantime, I am trying to find a decent orthopedist that will treat Cerebral Palsy. All of the orthopedic specialist in this county and the one next to it say they do not treat it anymore and this is just ludicrous. Even today sadly enough, babies are born with Cerebral Palsy. There has to be doctors who treat it. I saw an excellent orthopedist in Charleston for over 20 years, but he recently retired and that is what is causing all the problem. Also, it does not help that I am almost 30 and it is now more difficult to treat. A couple of friends suggested another orthopedist in Charleston to me, so I called him earlier in the week. He is uncertain as to whether or not he will take my case, but is at least willing to look at my medical records and suggest someone who will. Finding a doctor is becoming even more important because for the past week my right hip has been killing me. I even noticed yesterday that my right leg is turned completely to the right due to the hip rotation. This could be bad for a Cerebral Palsy sufferer at my age. We are prone to hip dislocations and even breaks. So until I find a decent doctor and staying off my feet! Luckily, I have someone as wonderful as Pezmaster to take care of me. He truly is the greatest thing to have happen to me since the invention of peanut butter and let me tell you, I love and am addicted to peanut butter!
I apologize for the blog being so long and in all honesty I do not blame you if you do not read the whole thing. I just had some much to write about and being without internet for two days made it worse. I will try to write another blog for a couple days to give you a break! *giggles* Plus, that will give everyone who is interested a chance to read it. Before I go, I want to show you a couple pictures. The pictures are of my two favorite little munchkins. One, of course is Brandon and the other is my niece Lacy all dressed up in her Easter dress.
BRANDON
LACY
Much Love,
Jen
Woot! Try not to be too excited now. Just kidding. I know I am not the greatest thing in the world. I can however tell you some stories, so if you are bored and need a novel to check out, then you are in right place. I have so much to talk about. I would not have to write such a long blog, but two things have prevented me from being on the internet for the past two days. First, our internet was being really crappy. This is because I live in a very rural area. Even though we have DSL, our connection was running slower than dial-up ever did. This is due to the fact that here in Ansted, West Virginia, our phone lines are comparable to paper cups connected to string. Our internet is effected and so is our telephone. It cracks constantly and you can barely hear on it as well. That is why I want a cell phone so bad, but unfortunately I am unable to get one right now. My credit is two bad to get a phone on a contract and to do a prepaid plan I have to buy a phone and right now I can not afford even a crappy phone. So until then, I am stuck with a crappy phones. Not to mention, everyone I need to call is long distance and we do not have long distance here at the house, I have been buying tons of phone cards. It is really driving me crazy. Finally, on Monday morning an internet technician fixed the internet. Now it is blazing fast. However, with most things in my life, when something good happens, a bad thing usually follows. Right after the internet was fixed some severe storms went through the area. This led to power outages in our area. Since we are in a rural area, everyone around us got their electricity back Tuesday morning around 4am. We however, did not get ours back on until closer to 6pm. Sadly, they are predicting more storms for tomorrow and the next day so the power can go out again. These days it seems as if the wind will cause a power outage. I really miss living back in Charleston. Charleston is the capital city of West Virginia, so naturally there is more things to do and better technology and stores. Here, I basically live in the woods away from civilization. So that pretty much explains my absence from the site.
On to the excitement I have experienced over the past few days. It really isn't all that exciting. I am actually the most boring person you can meet, but I will fill you in nonetheless. I suggest you grab a snack and a drink. Many of you know me well enough now, to know two things are about to happen. A) I am going to write a book instead of blog and B) at some point I am going to ramble therefore getting me off topic, but I will try my best not to do this too much. I know it can be rather frustrating reading one idea and then something else completely unrelated to the issue pop up in there. I am really working on this character flaw, but I happen to be failing rather than succeeding.
So, I guess first I will discuss all that has changed in my life since I have moved in with Pezmaster and his family. When I left home, it was completely unplanned and out of fear. My stepfather threatened to kill me. I had no choice, but to leave. I owned the house and everything in it, but left it all behind except for three or four boxes of clothes just to be with who I at the time was the only person who loved me and that was Pezmaster. He frantically called his parents and explained that I was in danger and needed a place to stay. Before I moved in there was seven of them in the house and they did not have much room. However, they graciously invited me into their house with open arms. My boyfriend, Pezmaster, and I have been together almost a year. Our anniversary is June 12th. They barely knew me though. Other than meeting me once or twice, they know nothing about me. Yet, there was no hesitation in their decision. I learned a lot of things that first night with them. Pezmaster and his family both immediate and extended are the kindest people I have ever met. Just because I was dating their son they wanted to ensure I was safe and happy. This was proven in many ways that first night. First, I smothered with comforting hugs and kiss. Then later that night Pezmaster's mother went to the store and bought a bunch of food for me to see due to the fact that I am diabetic and she knew a lot what they had would be unhealthy.
A few weeks later, I got to have an actual birthday celebration. Mind you, my parents stopped doing holidays when I was a 11. No presents, cake, or anything. To them it was just another day to remind them they were old. Since I shared the same birthday as Pezmaster's sister we did a few things. We got to taken to dinner at a Chinese restaurant and they sang a traditional birthday song to us in Chinese. Also, we got a huge cake made with roses of colors in which her and I considered our favorites. Also, his family bought me clothes, since I had to leave most of my behind when I left home, as well as a card. This made me so happy. For once, I felt I had a family that wasn't dysfunctional. After this, I even started referring to Pezmaster's parents as mom and dad and I am very close to all his siblings.
Then came Christmas. This was the best one ever! Mainly because it was the first year I got to play "Santa." Many of you are already aware that Pezmaster has a young son named Brandon from a previous relationship. His biological mother sees him once a month, if that and does not contribute to raising in him in any sort of financial way. Until I came along, it was all on Pezmaster and his family to make sure Brandon had what he needed and was loved as any child should be. It angered me greatly that his mother acted this way and still does six months later!
Now however, I consider Brandon my own and he slips every now and then and calls me "mommy." I do not mind at all. In fact, it makes me quite happy that he thinks of me that way. However, I will be honest about something. I NEVER wanted children. I do not have patience and frankly they got on my nerves very easily. Yes, they are cute and fun to play with, but in my opinion, I enjoyed them more when I got to let them go back to their parents at the end of the day. Brandon however, has changed my perception on children. He is no means perfect and at times I get very frustrated. I still do not feel comfortable disciplining him. Partially, because I am scared of his mother. Otherwise, I am just too soft hearted. So currently, we are having some discipline problems with Brandon because he feels he does not have to listen to me and knows if he doesn't I will not do anything to him to show otherwise. This is something that I am working on. What it boils down to is simply that I do not want to be like my parents. They were mean, abusive, showed no affection to any of us, and frankly were not very good role models period. I want to give Brandon a great life. I want him to be loved. I want him to have everything he needs and more. I want him to grow and respect his parents and love us for what all we have ton for him. Right now, he is too young to know what his biological mother doing isn't right to him, but I hope as he gets older he will realize that it was I who was there for him.
Sorry, but I got a little off topic, but I needed to give a little background information to make things a little clearer. When Christmas came, I wanted to get Brandon everything he wanted. I did not care if it cost a million dollars. This is where Pezmaster and I butted heads.
He does not want Brandon to be spoiled on think they everything he asks for he will get. He wants him to grow up knowing that you are rewarding for being good and working hard. I agree with him on this logic, but the kid is four. So we argued a little over it, but in the end we compromised and Brandon had a wonderful Christmas. I got him the top three things he wanted, which was a play cookware (he pretends to be a chef all the time. I think someday he will be the next Gordon Ramsey. Perhaps, with a little less cockiness and attitude ), play food to go with his cookware (you have to have something to cook, right?), and some toy guns that used caps and smoked when you shot them.
I expected to get absolutely nothing that Christmas, except for maybe a gift from Pezmaster. We give each other gifts frequently. In fact, every month on the 12th we get each other a little something to symbolize another month of our relationship. Even though, I did not expect to get tons of gifts, I still bought everyone in Pezmaster's family something. I asked each of his siblings specifically what they wanted and his parents as well. Each of them got what they asked for. It ranged from DVD's to video games. I am the type of person that will smile tremendously knowing that I have done something to make someone else smile. I was excited about them opening their gifts and was not concerned if I got to do the same.
However on Christmas Day, I was greatly surprise. Each of Pezmaster's family had bought me something. They asked around to see what I liked and went and bought the stuff without me knowing. I even got my own stocking on the wall filled with all my favorite candies. Family members that did not even know me had bought me gifts. We went to a couple family functions at each one I was welcomed with open arms and given a gift just as everywhere. You must understand, I have never been treated this way in my life. These people are angels in my opinion. Granted they do not have the most money, but they will do anything for anyone just out of the goodness of my heart. I love them deeply and hope that I am half as kind and generous as they have been. The kindness continues as more time passes and it now Spring.
Brandon had a birthday on April 4th, once again I loved being the surrogate mommy. I bought him a cake with his favorite Power Ranger on it (He is obsessed with the Red ranger who is apparently named Jaden. I have not watched the series since the original. From what I can tell the few times I have watched it with him, it has changed a lot). I also got him shoes that lit up when he walked. He wanted this most of us. I also got him Power Ranger action figures. I was not the only one he got gifts from. He came out like a bandit. Between the entire family he had about 12 presents or more. To do something a little extra special, I purchased tickets to take him to the circus this Sunday. It is in Charleston. Brandon knows I am from Charleston, but thinks of it as some far away place and I guess to a four year old a two hour drive would be. So on Sunday, Brandon, myself, Pezmaster, and his brother Travis are going to the circus. I get paid the day before, so Brandon will get to enjoy the whole experience no matter the cost. If he wants a snow cone, so be it. If he wants a light up flashlight, then he will get it. I am completely prepared to butt heads with his father again, but I want this to me a very special occasion. We plan on taking lots of pictures, so I will able to share later.
After the birthday celebration was over, came Easter. I normally enjoy holidays for the most part, except for Thanksgiving. By now you are thinking I am pretty strange, right? Who hates Thanksgiving? Well, I think part of my hatred for the holiday has to do with the fact that it involves eating. I suffered from Anorexia for many years during high school and college and still have times in which being around tons of food makes me uneasy. Then on top of the Anorexia making food unappealing, I also had the lap-band procedure almost four years ago and after having the procedure I was on a liquid diet for six weeks and then after that had to limit my portions dramatically. I am talking measuring foods out in ounces and cups. Fixing a meal for the first couple of years was hell and made me dislike food even more. To add more problems to my plate, I also developed diabetes due to being overweight. Anyone knows that being on a diabetic diet sucks ass and adding the lap-band diet to it made eating almost impossible. Now however, I do not have to stick so much to the stringent lap-band diet and my diabetes isn't as severe. Basically, I just avoids lots of sugars and count carbohydrates a lot when grocery shopping or going out to eat.
See I told you that I would get off topic, I started out a blog about how my Easter turned out, which was my original intention and somehow I got on a completely different topic. So I am going to back track now and get back to the writing about the upcoming Easter holiday and the day itself.
Growing up as a child, we were taught to believe in the fictitious characters of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and I think every child should believe in these things. It increases a child's imagination and creativity. So I was glad my parents did that for us. However, unlike most parents I am sure, we stopped getting gifts from the Easter Bunny and Santa around 11 years old. This even included birthdays. Yes, you heard me correctly. I did not receive any gifts from my parents for any holiday or birthday after I turned 11. I mentioned this earlier in the blog and having experienced thus far something completely different with Pezmaster and his family is really hard to get adjusted too. For some reason, I feel like I do not deserve the kindness and love that I am now getting due to being treated so badly up until this point in my life.
As far as how my parents treated holidays, well it sucked.
You always heard about your friends getting all this stuff, some of which are still getting these things and they are in their 30's. I never understood why my parents did this. Maybe, they wanted to teach us that we had to earn rewards and gifts and that they aren't just handed to you? So due this fact, I do not really look forward to holidays as far as me receiving a gift. I do however, give them to others. I love buying for others and generally spend no money on myself. It is rate if I do and someone normally has to force me, because I feel guilty and think that someone else should be given something instead of me splurging on myself. This could be an ideal drilled into my head by parents. To be honest, I really do not know why I am this way.
Concerning Easter this year however, I experienced a lot of mixed emotions. For one, this Easter was the one that I would not be surrounded by my own family. Granted most of my family is crap, but I do have those that I still love and respect and in they do me in return. Basically, the only family I really have any contact with is my younger brother, his girlfriend, and his daughter, Lacy, who will be 4 next month. Yes, I did meet new relatives a few weekend ago and I am sure I will start celebrating things with them soon, but for now all I have is Pezmaster and his family, who are awesome in every way, as I have mentioned before. In fact, I do not think I can say it enough or that their is even an appropriate word to express how wonderful they really are. Possibly, epic?
The thing that saddened me about this Easter was the fact that I would not get to be with those few family members I do care about.
I missed Lacy hunting Easter eggs in the yard after staying up late and decorating them in the kitchen. I missed seeing her opening her Easter basket, which I in past years helped fill with candy and toys. It just really makes me want to cry thinking about it. However, I did call her that evening and talked to her. She told me that even though Aunt Jen Jen was not there she still had a good Easter, but made me promise to bring Brandon, Uncle Pezmaster, and myself to Charleston soon for her birthday. She will turning 4 on May 16th. So I promised her I would and she said that I better or she wouldn't eat any cake and that would make her mad because cake is her favorite! *giggles*
Without me knowing, Pezmaster spoke to his family about me being sad about not being home for Easter. So once again, they all went out of there way to make the holiday very special for me. His mother went out and bought over a 100 dollars in candy. She bought 3 dozen eggs to color. Not to mention, she especially bought special things for each of us individually.
The night before Easter was pretty eventful. Pezmaster and are alike in the fact that we are really bad procrastinators. This could be bad when it comes to parenting. I feel sorry for Brandon when he gets older!
We went and bought his Easter basket Saturday night. Surprisingly, their were many parents doing the same as us so we did not feel too bad. We planned on buy a basket that was store made and then adding more goodies to it. Brandon was also going to get a basket from grandma, or Pezmaster's mother. So as usual, he is going to be rolling in goodies. Also, while at the store we had to buy carrots. Brandon had informed us earlier in the day that bunnies eat carrots and we needed to leave the Easter Bunny a snack so he would have enough strength to deliver all his baskets. According to Brandon, when you eat, the food doesn't go to your stomach. It goes to your arms and makes muscles. Drinks on the other hand, go down the waterfall in his throat and then to his belly. His logic truly is funny sometimes. So we bought a bag of baby carrots and I was quick to inform Pezmaster that I hated the orange sticks and refused to eat them! So he graciously took the task of ultimately finishing off the carrots that night. Sometimes, I do not know what I would do without him.
Once we returned home from shopping, we began coloring Easter eggs. Some of them were plain while others had names on them and for Brandon's sake we let him draw on a few. I felt especially special at this point because Brandon stuck my egg in the orange dye (he knows that is my favorite color) and once it was finished something special was wrote on it. It said, "Mommy Jen." I almost cried. We dyed eggs until almost 1am. Brandon went to bed way before that and he helped sit the carrots on the living room table. Once he was good and asleep, the Pezmaster's mom, sister, and I started to put the basket together. All of us had our own basket, except for Pezmaster and I and his parents. Since we were couples we shared a basket. Every basket was filled to the rim. Pezmaster's mother bought a variety of candy, but bought something special for each of us individually. For myself, she was certain to buy me Reese's eggs and bunnies as well as a white chocolate rabbit. She knew my favorite candy. That is something my own mother doesn't even know. It really made me smile!
Pezmaster got a bad of black jelly beans to himself! I personally hate them and think they are the grossest thing on Earth, but to each their own. Since Easter he has made several points to kiss me after eating those horrid things.
As usual Pezmaster and I stayed up until almost 5am. We are real big night owls and this is bad with a four year old whose internal clocks wakes him up at 8am every morning. So were dreading the next day. We knew we would be extremely tired and so not up for all the festivities of the day.
Brandon woke up the next morning right on time and he was completely uninterested in the two baskets left for him on the living room table. He also did not even notice that all the carrots we had left out the night before had been eaten. All he wanted to do was watch SpongeBob!
His father and I are thinking that maybe he is just too young still to get excited over such things as holidays. He acted the same way at the beginning on the month on his birthday. He was just not into it. Due to rain, we did not get to actually hunt Easter eggs outside like we had originally planned. So that bummed me out quite a bit. We did however, have an awesome dinner that night with ham and potato salad. One important lesson was learned on Easter for both Pezmaster and I. Tons of candy and Brandon makes a demon appear. We are thinking next year maybe more toys and less candy because by the end of the night I was wishing murder was legal or that it was allowed to sell children on the black market.
Before I get on to tell you about the rest of the week, which is basically an update on Brandon's medical problems as well as my own, I want to share a very story about Brandon that pertains to Easter. This way I am staying on topic and not rambling! *giggles*
One day his father and I got to talking about religion. I was raised a Baptist going to church every Sunday. He on the other hand, did not. As an adult now, I still consider myself a Christian. Although, I do not think I need to go inside a building to prove that. I feel as long as I live a good life, treat others like I wanted to be treated, have faith, and pray when needed, that I will be seen as a good person in the eyes of the man or woman upstairs. My boyfriend agrees with me on this concept. He just has a problem with organized religion as a whole. He thinks it is more about money and glorifying a church than actual faith like it should be. So during our discussion, Brandon came into the equation. We decided to ask him who Jesus was. Completely to our surprise, he looked at us with a completely straight face and said, "A monster!" At first, his father an d I snickered silently, but then we corrected him and told him that Jesus was not bad like a monster, but a good guy who helped and loved a lot of people.
Later however, we got to thinking. Brandon does have point. Jesus did rise again. So since he was dead and was resurrected, that would in turn in fact make in a zombie. In all senses of the word a "zombie" is generally considered by most to be a monster. So although, it was somewhat inappropriate for Brandon to have that impression, he did have a point.
As they say, "Kids say the darnedest things!"
Now on to the rest of this week. You are already aware of the internet difficulties and the power outage, but on top of all that Pezmaster and I had a pretty full week of medical appointments with Brandon. Since he is 4 and still not potty trained, we were starting to get concerned. We were thinking he might have some sort of mental delay so we decided to get him checked out. First, he had to go to the pediatrician for his normal check-up. We did this several weeks ago.
First, I must say the experience at the pediatricians office is something I will never forget. Let me tell you something, it was an experience. I have zero experience with kids and growing up I was never around little ones much by myself. All of my relatives that I was close to were all close to me in age and there wasn't many younger kids in my neighborhood, so I never got to do the whole babysitting thing. The only remotely thing close to babysitting in my resume of life is spending time alone with my three year old niece, Lacy. As a matter of fact, Lacy and Brandon are actually the same age. Brandon however, is just a month older. They have yet to meet, but I hope when they do they become friends with each other. Who knows, maybe someday if Pezmaster get married, then they will be cousins. love Awwww, the thought of that makes me smile like you would not believe. However, neither Pezmaster nor I are interested in getting married anytime soon. Hell, 10 months ago I was engaged to someone who I had been with for almost 19 years. So I especially am in no rush for all the excitement and planning of wedlock.
Although in all honesty, I would perfectly content just living with Pezmaster forever with the comfort of knowing that we were in a committed relationship. I do not need a piece of paper to validate that or a ring to show off my status. In the same sense however, I am a typical girl and I still hold on to the belief that all of us dream of our prince charming who sweeps us off our feet like in a fairytale and you ride into the sunset together as if everything will always be perfect between the two of you.
Wow, somehow I once got way off topic. *giggles* I told you it was bound to happen a few times during this blog. After all, it is quite a long one. I am sure by now some of you are just scanning and not reading. It is alright I do not hold it against you. I still love you!
Anyway, back to the original thought: Brandon, the doctors appointment, and how I dealt with the experience. First, let me say being the girlfriend to someone who has a child makes situations like this extremely awkward and even more so when you are around the child more than their own biological mother (this really angers and upsets me: her absence that is, but that is a whole another story that I will save for later). When we entered the office everyone in there wanted to know who I was and why I was there with Pezmaster and his child. This included the receptionist ( do not ask me why she cared), the nurses, and of course the doctor.
Since I had been living with Pezmaster and his family, Brandon has simply just referred to me as, "Jenny." I had no official title, nor did I feel like I deserve one at this point. After all, Pezmaster are not officially married and our relationship could end at anytime (hopefully, I am not jinxing myself, and I do not this to ever happen) leaving completely absent from Brandon's life. I think this is partially why Pezmaster was hesitant for me to meet his son or even try to form any kind of relationship with him. I do not blame him at all considering how the child's mother left and doesn't come around much. The poor little guy does not need any more disappearances in his life, which in my opinion could and may led to him having abandonment issues.
Sorry, once again I got off track, but now back to the story. Once Pezmaster and I started having to address the question of who I was to Brandon, two things happened. First, without any thought Pezmaster just blurted out, "This is aunt Jenny!" Well, normally this would not bother me, but this would be one mixed up situation. For me to me to technically be Brandon's aunt, I would have to be sleeping with Pezmaster's brothers. Wait, not both. *giggles* Just one of them, but that definitely isn't the case, so it was very funny and somewhat disturbing that he blurted out "aunt." I asked him about it later and he said he just blurted the first thing to come to his mind. He did not mean anything by it and I totally understand. Then a few minutes later, Brandon decided to ride on my lap, since I was using my wheelchair that day due to walking so much. When a second nurse approached us she said, " Have a fun ride with mommy!" I just glared at Pezmaster. We both just smiled. This seemed to look more logical and appeared to make more sense. To the medical professionals we appeared to be a small family and I did not mind the reference at all. The only thing that left me perplexed was that Brandon did not correct or disagree with the statement made with the nurse. Given he is only four, but even at that age one would think he would speak up and say, "She is not my mommy. My mommy is so and so!" So maybe in his mind, I am a mother figure and that suits me just fine. Someday when he is older if he chooses to call me "mommy" that would make me even happier. I love Brandon to death. Even though he can be a little demon sometimes. Surprisingly, this is coming from the person who never ever wanted children, but in moments like this, the thought of it isn't so bad to think about. Of course, my mind is in complete disagreement when he is throwing a temper tantrum or not listening to anything we say. Got to take the good with the bad, right?
As for how the doctors visit went, everything was great. He is on level for his age and the doctor even said he was highly intelligent. That makes any parent proud and I was sure grinning from ear to ear. Although, she did notice he was having trouble with some fine motor skills like standing on one foot without holding on to something and hopping like a bunny with both feet together. However, she assured us that at this point this is not a big ordeal and that those skills can be tuned up. Just for right now, he isn't going to be the most athletic child. That is alright, though. Who knows, he may grow older and not even be interested in sports. He may be a gamer or a collector of comic books or movie memorabilia. However, it turns out I will love him for him and that is how it should be. Parents should always support their children's goals and dreams and I plan to do nothing less than that. I especially do not want to be anything like my parents. That is my most important goal in this journey of raising a child when I never thought I would. We also found out that he is caught up in his vaccinations and is ready for preschool if we want to enroll him. Sadly however, for this to be possible he had to get four shots and watching him grow through this absolutely broke my heart. The nurse did them quick but kept saying it feels like a bee sting. He is four and is too little to remember the only time being stung by those evil creatures called "bees." So for one he was scared. He had no idea what this was going to feel like and secondly, he was unaware that he had four ahead of him. The poor little guy screamed his lungs out and squeezed Pezmaster's hand like crazy, but he came out like a trooper. He got a toy, but very adamantly will now tell anyone he hates "shots." He even complained about the band-aids. I do not blame him. They were the cheap, ugly brown ones. Why would a pediatrician not have colorful band-aids? I guess I will never know. Budget cuts, maybe? Nonetheless, I hated seeing the little guy go through the torture of it all. However, as a reward for acting so tough, Pezmaster and I got him his favorite happy meal from McDonalds and then took him to a huge park to play for awhile. After coming back home, he took a nap and the dramatic day ended peacefully for both of us. I think together both he and I have a lot to get adjusted to and I am sure we will have many more interesting experiences together.
Next came the ophthalmologist appointment. Brandon was born with an eye that turned outward and since the age of two has had to wear both prescription and corrective lenses. At this appointment we were hoping to see if the glasses had corrected the "lazy" eye or not. Brandon was not thrilled about going to another doctor at all!
He immediately asked about shots, but we reassured him that there would no shots this time. However, this time he experienced eye drops for the first time. As with the shots, I think that this was also very traumatic for him. We had to hold him down and he cried a little, but he forgot all about it once he got to pick out a new pair of glasses. He knows he basic colors pretty well and immediately narrowed the glasses down to two choices. A neon blue pair and then an blue pair with green ear pieces. Ultimately, he decided on the neon blue pair. He told us he liked those because they matched daddy's jacket and he liked hearing me say how cute he looked in them.
Once we saw the doctor we learned some things we did not know. For example, Brandon has no depth perception due to his eye condition. Also, he is unable to focus properly like the rest. We were informed that this could be the cause of his problems with fine motor skills as the pediatrician, but we were also told that it could be due to something being wrong in the brain. The "lazy" in other words is not always due to simply the eye muscle. Brandon's vision had also gotten severely worse. This lead the ophthalmologist to give us somewhat bad news. It was bad enough knowing that something could be wrong in the brain, but we were then told that the eye had to be corrected with surgery. To do the surgery Brandon was going to be referred to the same doctor in Charleston that appeared on Teen Mom 2 on MTV. I also saw this same doctor as a young child, so I know he an excellent doctor. If it wasn't for him, then I would still be blind as I was when I was an infant. The ophthalmologist also recommended that we get a brain scan to ensure that nothing was in fact wrong in that area.
Once I got home that evening, I made the calls needed to schedule the brain scan and also an additional appointment to get the hernia checked. That leads us to this week. Thus far, Brandon has had two doctors appointments. The first was on Monday. He had to go see a gastrointestinal specialist. Let me give you a little background information to help you better understand the importance of this appointment. You see Brandon was born with a hernia and it pushed his belly button out real far. More so, than an outie belly button. He also has a pudgy belly due to the hernia and occasional pain there, so we wanted to see if the hernia needed to be corrected and was in any way related to the potty training difficulties we were having. The doctor determined that Brandon did in fact still have the hernia, but it was quite small. These types of hernia's are normally repaired before the age of two, but since it was causing no immediate problems, that we were alright for the time being. He wants to see us again in six months, unless Brandon begins experiences pain near the hernia, stops using the bathroom frequently, or starts showing more of a bulge. Otherwise, they suggest no surgery would be needed until he was at least five or six. This sure was a load of Pezmaster and I's mind, but we were still concerned about the brain scan.
The brain scan was scheduled for today, but instead we just got another neurological exam and then another referral for the scan. This appointment was far more pleasant and Brandon was even comfortable enough to talk to people in the waiting room as well as to the doctor. Normally, in public the child is mute, but today he was talking a mile a minute. The doctor gave him a look over and said, "Well, he doesn't have Cerebral Palsy." When he said it, I giggled. He looked at me strangely and informed him that I had Cerebral Palsy and knew Brandon obviously didn't. Out of all the forms he had absolutely no signs. This doctor basically felt that they eye is the REAL problem. Sadly, we were told that Brandon is functioning with one eye. That is why his motor skills are decreased and he can't focus on you while you are talking, which makes understanding difficult. The doctor said even with the surgery Brandon probably will never have any use of that eye, but the good thing is since he is so young and we are getting the surgery done early, his other eye will compensate for the lack of the other. He still ordered the brain scan, but is almost completely certain that nothing will be seen. We were told that Brandon will have difficulty once he starts school with learning the alphabet and reading and such due to having only one real functioning eye. This may even cause him to fall behind or require special education level classes. This thrills me. My child is fine basically. He will be like other children and make friends and play sports, etc. He will just have to work harder to learn. I am studying to be a teacher so he is in just the right family. By the time I am done with him, he will be a genius. You just wait. So overall, Pezmaster are pleased! We know it is just going to be frustrating on down the road for both us and Brandon, but together as a family we will be just fine.
Now that Brandon appears to alright, I am starting to worry about myself. Those of you who have been subscribed to me since last summer are aware that this same scenario played out then. Except last time, it was my right foot. I walked on it for over a week before I went to the doctor. When I finally did, they had to run numerous tests and I was given multiple diagnoses ranging from Charcot's Syndrome to bone cancer. However, finally after a bone scan they realized that my ankle was simply broken in several places. So I was ultimately put in a cast for the entire summer. To make matters worse, somehow my gimp ass (and I mean that in the most humorous fashion possible) managed to break my foot while the ankle was in its protective cast.
So now that the left foot was acting in same way, I or Pezmaster did not want to take any chances. We spent over 8 hours at the hospital. I had a CT scan and numerous blood tests ran. Ultimately, they determined two things that need further investigation. One, my blood work showed that I had a positive Rheumatoid factor, which basically means I have a painful form of arthritis that will require further treatment. Secondly, the CT scan showed that the Achilles tendon on my left foot is abnormally thick. I believe the thickness of the tendon is scar tissue due to the numerous surgeries I had as a child for treatment for Cerebral Palsy. The Emergency Room doctor was not so sure why it was like due to orthopedics not being his specialty so he suggested I follow up with an orthopedist.
The next day I found a orthopedist close to where I live. I was informed that he would take a look at the tendon, but as far as the arthritis was concerned he believed that he would ultimately have to refer me to a Rheumatologist. Also, he was uncertain as to whether he could fix the tendon. He had to see me first. All this uncertainty does made me very uncomfortable about seeing this doctor.
Well, my gut feelings were correct. This doctor did absolutely nothing. As soon as he opened my chart he said, "I really do not think I will be of much help to you!" All he really did was x-ray my ankle to see if it was broken, which it wasn't and tell me to take Aleve. What? He did not even look at the tendon and when I asked him about the arthritis factor coming positive he said to ignore it. I thought the man was ignorant myself or perhaps it was the fact that he was so old he reminded me of Gandalf from "The Lord of the Rings." He gave me a half pair of panty house and a shoe brace for my ankle, which makes it hurt worse.
That night I told Pezmaster that I wanted to get a second opinion. I also need to get my real braces fixed so I made appointment for this Thursday to get them adjusted. In the meantime, I am trying to find a decent orthopedist that will treat Cerebral Palsy. All of the orthopedic specialist in this county and the one next to it say they do not treat it anymore and this is just ludicrous. Even today sadly enough, babies are born with Cerebral Palsy. There has to be doctors who treat it. I saw an excellent orthopedist in Charleston for over 20 years, but he recently retired and that is what is causing all the problem. Also, it does not help that I am almost 30 and it is now more difficult to treat. A couple of friends suggested another orthopedist in Charleston to me, so I called him earlier in the week. He is uncertain as to whether or not he will take my case, but is at least willing to look at my medical records and suggest someone who will. Finding a doctor is becoming even more important because for the past week my right hip has been killing me. I even noticed yesterday that my right leg is turned completely to the right due to the hip rotation. This could be bad for a Cerebral Palsy sufferer at my age. We are prone to hip dislocations and even breaks. So until I find a decent doctor and staying off my feet! Luckily, I have someone as wonderful as Pezmaster to take care of me. He truly is the greatest thing to have happen to me since the invention of peanut butter and let me tell you, I love and am addicted to peanut butter!
I apologize for the blog being so long and in all honesty I do not blame you if you do not read the whole thing. I just had some much to write about and being without internet for two days made it worse. I will try to write another blog for a couple days to give you a break! *giggles* Plus, that will give everyone who is interested a chance to read it. Before I go, I want to show you a couple pictures. The pictures are of my two favorite little munchkins. One, of course is Brandon and the other is my niece Lacy all dressed up in her Easter dress.
BRANDON
LACY
Much Love,
Jen
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Things are rough, but I'm looking into options. I really don't want to work retail the rest of my life.
Wow, kudos to Pezmaster and his family for being so awesome!
Good luck to you and Brandon getting the right medical care.
And, yes, I actually read the WHOLE blog!