Being in Florida for Halloween really has me feeling less than festive. The leaves don't change color and fall off, the smell of them burning doesn't waft through the air, temperature highs are still close to ninety degrees outside and I have no plans to buy a costume, get dressed up or celebrate.
This is going to be the worst Halloween ever
To top it off, boyfriend has to work that evening (probably the entire weekend) and I have no friends.
Have any of you ever felt completely alienated from the world outiside of yourselves? Completely cut off from having a social life or experiencing culture? Have you ever had to sit in a sterile room by yourself while life happens just outside and all around you- but you are forced to forgo this eperience? Have you ever had to be alone for so long that you forget what it's like to have people around? To have fun? Then when you try to have fun, you fail miserably?
I think I'm going stir crazy. I've been living in Florida since late March and have not met anyone that I can even consider an aquaintence; let alone a friend (cept Frenum ofcourse
). The only people I have any type of social exchange with are my boyfriend, his friend Dave (who boyfriend met at work and subsequently works for on the weekends), the cashiers at WALMART and PUBLIX and you people (which would be far more fulfilling if we could actually hang out in person ).
I watch the Golden Girls about 9 times a day and play with my dog when I'm not working on homework. I don't have a job right now and I could give you several reasons or excuses as to why that is...but I'm told the only person to blame is myself (even though when I got here I had lost my license because I didn't pay a speeding ticket on time...then because of mix ups at the BMV I couldn't get it back until about the end of July. After that we went to Ohio and then there were four Hurricanes in five weeks so no one was really hiring ) and I can accept this for the most part. I really don't want to work in retail, food service or at a portrait studio because...well, IT SUCKS...and that's all I'm really qualified to do right now. I haven't really been trying my hardest to find a job because I don't keep jobs for long. Something about the people or establishment usually starts to bother me after a month and I can't stand to be there anymore. I also think these types of jobs are a huge waste of time and energy that I could be applying to my creative endevours...and that the pay SUCKS. I'd rather not waste half of my week working for $5 an hour after taxes and hating every moment of it. On top of all this...boyfriend has been using my car to transport himself to and from work, making it even harder at the current moment to get out there and look...let alone make a commitment to a schedule because his work hours are so irregular. I don't want to sit here being worthless, not earning anything but I am also so sick of meaningless labor killing my spirit that I don't want to go back to working at places like that. I'm worth more than what they can offer me but at the same time that makes me sound like I think I'm too good to swallow my pride and just get a job like everyone else. I don't mean to come off that way but I'm sure that's how most of my family understands it. I just don't really see the point in making my time on earth less enjoyable than it already is by working for works sake. I want to love what I do. I don't want everyday to be a mechanical repeat of the last where boyfriend and I wake up to go to jobs we both hate...returning to home exhausted and perturbed by the various assholes we've encountered throughout the day and picking fights with one another because of this frustration. I don't want to work myself stupid just to keep above the water and one step ahead of bankruptcy. I don't want life to pass me by because I can't afford to experience it or because I am too tired to experience it. Most of all I don't want to devote even a second of my prescious time to something that I'm not even remotely interested in doing.
As it stands right now, we haven't been going out to experience South Florida for many reasons. I admit that I have had a problem with the area and what it has to offer so I've just given up for the most part, on trying to find things to do. Yet, boyfriend doesn't help because if he's not working he's tired and doesn't want to go anywhere...when there are funds are available. The other %50 of the time, we can't afford to go anywhere, there's a hurricane or a homework deadline is threatening to kick my ass. Because we aren't from here, our friends and family(for the most part) are up North and we don't know where to go to find any. Those factors combined with the fact that we're not single makes it pretty impossible to meet new people to hang out with. Most guys are only interested in one thing so when they find out about boyfriend or boyfriend finds out about them...things become uncomfortable. Most girls are lame (sorry
none of this is directed to ANY of the lovely ladies here 
) or flakey or stuck up or two faced so needless to say that I don't have many "girlfriends". I know I sound like I'm just complaining and making up excuses for my antisocial personality but this is how I really feel about the situation and I'm wondering if any of you out there can identify.
Because boyfriend and I don't go out and have any new experiences with other people we've run out of things to say to each other that don't include a complaint or discussion about what we're going to do for our next meal. We are constantly annoyed by one another's presence, yet it seems unfair for one of us to go out without the other because we're both in the same situation where neither one of us has had fun for awhile so we both want to jump at any chance.
Yet the chances are slim here in Pompano Beach. I like to go to shows. I don't like to go to the club, I don't want to go to a bar unless they have PBR on tap or karaoke and I can't really think of anything else that really excites me besides just kickin it with friends in one of their homes or at a denny's or at our favorite hole in the wall... the pub. I'm simple, maybe narrowminded but I know what makes me happy and it's not here. If you don't believe me check out the ticketmaster listings for concerts in the Greater Miami area for the next 60 days then compare the listings to those for the Cleveland area in the next 60 days. Tell me where you'd rather be
MiamiCleveland
CLEVELAND ROCKS
Well, the point to all this is that I should be in Cleveland today but I wasn't able to go because I'm being a good person and giving boyfriend all my money from my student loans so that his student loan people won't sue him. He hasn't paid for them in months
oops. I'm depressed and I hate him and everyone else, sans SG family. Be my friends
This is going to be the worst Halloween ever
To top it off, boyfriend has to work that evening (probably the entire weekend) and I have no friends.
Have any of you ever felt completely alienated from the world outiside of yourselves? Completely cut off from having a social life or experiencing culture? Have you ever had to sit in a sterile room by yourself while life happens just outside and all around you- but you are forced to forgo this eperience? Have you ever had to be alone for so long that you forget what it's like to have people around? To have fun? Then when you try to have fun, you fail miserably?
I think I'm going stir crazy. I've been living in Florida since late March and have not met anyone that I can even consider an aquaintence; let alone a friend (cept Frenum ofcourse
). The only people I have any type of social exchange with are my boyfriend, his friend Dave (who boyfriend met at work and subsequently works for on the weekends), the cashiers at WALMART and PUBLIX and you people (which would be far more fulfilling if we could actually hang out in person ).
I watch the Golden Girls about 9 times a day and play with my dog when I'm not working on homework. I don't have a job right now and I could give you several reasons or excuses as to why that is...but I'm told the only person to blame is myself (even though when I got here I had lost my license because I didn't pay a speeding ticket on time...then because of mix ups at the BMV I couldn't get it back until about the end of July. After that we went to Ohio and then there were four Hurricanes in five weeks so no one was really hiring
) and I can accept this for the most part. I really don't want to work in retail, food service or at a portrait studio because...well, IT SUCKS...and that's all I'm really qualified to do right now. I haven't really been trying my hardest to find a job because I don't keep jobs for long. Something about the people or establishment usually starts to bother me after a month and I can't stand to be there anymore. I also think these types of jobs are a huge waste of time and energy that I could be applying to my creative endevours...and that the pay SUCKS. I'd rather not waste half of my week working for $5 an hour after taxes and hating every moment of it. On top of all this...boyfriend has been using my car to transport himself to and from work, making it even harder at the current moment to get out there and look...let alone make a commitment to a schedule because his work hours are so irregular. I don't want to sit here being worthless, not earning anything but I am also so sick of meaningless labor killing my spirit that I don't want to go back to working at places like that. I'm worth more than what they can offer me but at the same time that makes me sound like I think I'm too good to swallow my pride and just get a job like everyone else. I don't mean to come off that way but I'm sure that's how most of my family understands it. I just don't really see the point in making my time on earth less enjoyable than it already is by working for works sake. I want to love what I do. I don't want everyday to be a mechanical repeat of the last where boyfriend and I wake up to go to jobs we both hate...returning to home exhausted and perturbed by the various assholes we've encountered throughout the day and picking fights with one another because of this frustration. I don't want to work myself stupid just to keep above the water and one step ahead of bankruptcy. I don't want life to pass me by because I can't afford to experience it or because I am too tired to experience it. Most of all I don't want to devote even a second of my prescious time to something that I'm not even remotely interested in doing.
As it stands right now, we haven't been going out to experience South Florida for many reasons. I admit that I have had a problem with the area and what it has to offer so I've just given up for the most part, on trying to find things to do. Yet, boyfriend doesn't help because if he's not working he's tired and doesn't want to go anywhere...when there are funds are available. The other %50 of the time, we can't afford to go anywhere, there's a hurricane or a homework deadline is threatening to kick my ass. Because we aren't from here, our friends and family(for the most part) are up North and we don't know where to go to find any. Those factors combined with the fact that we're not single makes it pretty impossible to meet new people to hang out with. Most guys are only interested in one thing so when they find out about boyfriend or boyfriend finds out about them...things become uncomfortable. Most girls are lame (sorry
none of this is directed to ANY of the lovely ladies here ) or flakey or stuck up or two faced so needless to say that I don't have many "girlfriends". I know I sound like I'm just complaining and making up excuses for my antisocial personality but this is how I really feel about the situation and I'm wondering if any of you out there can identify.
Because boyfriend and I don't go out and have any new experiences with other people we've run out of things to say to each other that don't include a complaint or discussion about what we're going to do for our next meal. We are constantly annoyed by one another's presence, yet it seems unfair for one of us to go out without the other because we're both in the same situation where neither one of us has had fun for awhile so we both want to jump at any chance.
Yet the chances are slim here in Pompano Beach. I like to go to shows. I don't like to go to the club, I don't want to go to a bar unless they have PBR on tap or karaoke and I can't really think of anything else that really excites me besides just kickin it with friends in one of their homes or at a denny's or at our favorite hole in the wall... the pub. I'm simple, maybe narrowminded but I know what makes me happy and it's not here. If you don't believe me check out the ticketmaster listings for concerts in the Greater Miami area for the next 60 days then compare the listings to those for the Cleveland area in the next 60 days. Tell me where you'd rather be
MiamiCleveland
CLEVELAND ROCKS
Well, the point to all this is that I should be in Cleveland today but I wasn't able to go because I'm being a good person and giving boyfriend all my money from my student loans so that his student loan people won't sue him. He hasn't paid for them in months
oops. I'm depressed and I hate him and everyone else, sans SG family. Be my friends VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
Did you go see the John Edwards rally tonight in Pompano....it was pretty good, except for the annoying dude next to me that kept trying to ge the crowd to chant along with "his" personal crazy-man chants and rants.
Come see my band sometime kiddo, and I'll introduce you to me and my friends....My band is playing a REAL cool art gallery thing in December with Glenn Barr and Liz McGrath...and ME! You should go and have fun, grumpy-pants....and look at my NEW picture...its my halloween costume!