Isn't it amazing how one minute we can be perfectly fine and the next we find ourselves in an ocean of tears? That's how I've found myself tonight and for me it just helps to get the thoughts out of my head by writing. So if you find this to be nonsense and utterly unappealing, I won't be offended if you scroll by. For those who stick around, maybe this is something that will help, or at least let you know that you are not alone if you find yourself an emotional heap too lol.
This past year man...... And then going on to youtube tonight and getting myself into a video watching hole of sad or romantic videos and then finally landing on a groom getting emotional when he saw his bride for the first time...fuck that just sent me over the edge. why?! I was supposed to be that guy this past December. And then the coronavirus came and threw all of our lives into chaos and all the sudden my wedding was cancelled and moved a year later and then before I knew it my fiance was giving my ring back. most will say "yeah that sucks, it hurts. but in time you'll move on." i'm not most though, I've been a hopeless and I mean HOPELESS romantic since I was a kid. shit I grew up with parents who are still crazy about each other after 51 years of marriage, how could i not be?! and when that ring was handed back to me my world froze. i had vowed to myself that i would find the one that I wanted to spend my life with and when i found her, that was it. so being given back the ultimate symbol of my love and commitment had shattered my views of love as a whole. to this day i'm still confused as to how i got to this point. and throw in the fact that my mom who is the sweetest, most caring and kind woman I've ever known has cancer and will be undergoing major surgery tomorrow to try and remove the tumor. tonight is just hard and lonely. so if you've got loved ones nearby, make sure to hug them a bit tighter. if you've got friends that you've been meaning to call, stop putting it off. and if you have that special someone that you know you're meant to spend your life with, you fight to keep that flame alive. life is hard there's no denying that but it's also beautiful and filled with promise so fight for those things because they're the things that are going to make everything else feel like a blur. i may never find my person but i love hard and i love people and even though i don't know you, dear reader, i love you too. be kind and be good to others.
and if you stuck around, thank you.
Eric
