enelysion

How do you escape yourself? I, for one, am not currently interesting in being myself any longer. Actually, a small vacation from myself would be much appreciated. I am so sick of all the things that I obligate myself to do. I'm sick of my place in life, and I seriously want to get away from myself for a week or something. I'm tired off all the studying and I'm tired of killing myself to get my project to work. I barely ever get to go out anymore. And the problem literally is myself. Nobody is expecting anything of me. My professor surely doesn't care if I turn in a paper this Tuesday. It would be one less paper to grade and he doesn't care if I fail. I, on the other hand, do care. I don't know why I expect myself to do so well, but my goddamn nature dictates that I must do all the work assigned, and I must do it well. And I'm even worse with chemistry. I could simply write off these experiments that I'm doing as impossible, but for some reason, I don't. Rather I do them over and over, trying new methods and variations in the hopes that one will eventually work. I realize this is research, but still, nobody expects an undergraduate to do graduate level work. Nobody except me. So clearly, I'm the problem. If you take my nature out of the picture, I basically boil down to everybody else in the world. Everybody else, but especially those people who can be content with mediocre grades and status. I know deep down, that I'll be all the better for the hard work, but I'm just very very tired. And the only way to escape this exhaustion, is to stop being me. So how do you escape yourself?

Anybody who responds with a transcendental or existential answer is automatically banned from talking to me or anyone else again. And yes I have the authority to do this because, yes, the world does revolve around me.