Okay, so I lost the bet. She called me last night. Can't say it was a very pleasant conversation. She is still treating me the same way she has been since the whole miserable end; rather abrasive and cold. She told me she was going to send the ring back to me with all my mail and that she wanted to get it appraised because she thought it was fake. Let's see, I spent about a month designing that thing for her. Had the band specially made and looked at about twenty rocks before I decided on the perfect one. I won't say how much I spent on it but I will say that I could have paid off half my students loans with it. I'm not bitter about that, I'm just trying to give a vague ballpark here. I could have paid off half my student loans, but I wanted to see her face light up when I gave it to her. I wanted know that she would be mine forever. I wanted to make her happy from then until the day I died. I wanted her to see that I was ready to sacrifice it all for her. Now, I get to open that box of mail and take the ringbox out and just look at it and wonder what the hell happened.
I didn't break down last night but I sure as hell didn't get a good night's sleep. In fact it took me a long time to go to sleep and then I woke up at 6am. Yay!!
It was still good to hear her voice though. I miss it. I miss it a lot.
I didn't break down last night but I sure as hell didn't get a good night's sleep. In fact it took me a long time to go to sleep and then I woke up at 6am. Yay!!
It was still good to hear her voice though. I miss it. I miss it a lot.
The only thing that really bugs me is that I know why she never got them done herself. Simply because she was out having a good time with her new 'guy' (that's pronounced 'piece of shit') and wasn't doing all the things she needed to be. I'm a procrastinator, but she simply put her life on the back-burner to have fun.
Okay, nevermind. I'm getting into a negative place here and I don't need to be bad-mouthing her. She is leaving for Iraq tomorrow and I can't fault her for trying to enjoy herself before she leaves. I have no doubts she will return safely, but I'm sure she is not as certain.
Went for a ride today. I was surprised by just how in riding shape I still am. I haven't ridden in months. I only got beat on the hills, and the guys I was with are climbing bastards, so I didn't feel all that bad.
-breaks arm patting self on back-
Kidding!
Sorry to hear about your breakup. I read a few of your past entries and it sounds like you're struggling to come to terms with everything that happened. Understandably so.
Don't beat yourself up to bad for feeling crushed. For a while you're going to feel like a piece of you has died. Like any injury, it's going to feel the worst at first and gradually start to fade. Most likely it will never fade completely. There will always be feelings and memories. Over time, you'll learn to accept the pain and possibly even reflect on the wonder of what you did once have.
Boy that sounds pretty lame when I read it back... but I think you get the basic idea of what I'm saying...
OR... you could tune into this 80's station that I'm listing to at the moment -- http://www.club977.com/ -- where ever other song is about "not giving up and winning back the girl at all costs". Geez, if only that worked in real life and didn't result in a weekend in jail and a restraining order...
Take it easy man, and don't kill too many brain cells with all your boozin. I heard chicks go for guys with big brains! (Or that's what I'm hopin!)