endlessly

Spent some time with some old friends I hadn't seen in a while this weekend and it really helped me out. We had some fun and I felt better afterwards. Then I had to come home and it kind of put me right back to where I was. I'm doing better but I just can't forget her or accept that what I need to do is move on. I can't, I've never been so certain of anything in my life as I was that I would forever be happy with her. I did however realize that I must move force myself to move forward cuz I had a good time this weekend, but I'm never going to move on. I'm okay with it, really, I never expected myself to get married when I was younger and that's one of the reasons that I waited so long to ask her. So really, I'm just back to where I always thought I would be. It's like I told one of my friends this weekend, "I'd rather savor those memories I have of her than soil them spending the rest of my life just trying to replace what I had." Noble, foolish, you decide. Not a day, goes by that I don't wish I was still with her and I know that a day never will. My grandmother told me when this all started that I'll move on with my life and someday I'll find somebody else. It won't be the same as what I had with her, nothing will ever be the same, but it will be good and you'll be happy. That sounds a lot to me like second best. I don't want second best and I sure don't want to ever settle for something just to feel better about myself. She is and forever will be my one and only. Pretty redundant aren't I?