endedben

All our fears will disappear
Now you go to bed
I'm staying here
I've got another level that I want to clear

Peep, the shit got deep and it was on
Number 1 song after number 1 song

First things fucking first.

Thank you. Thank every single one of you who had any nice to say to me. My emo-riffic journal makes me sick but the overwhelming show of love and helpfulness was OH so nice. Even the miserable and internationally hated Point_Blank had something nice to say! It really, really lifted my spirits a lot.

Second things second.

I went to Manhattan today (after finding my credit card) intent on buying nice clothes and getting a job. I half succeeded on both accounts. I went to the Gap at the instance of my mother and bought a nice shirt. I asked if they had a job and the man just shook his head and stared me down. Remind me to burn the Gap down.

I then went to Urban Outfitters and bought:
They were fifteen bucks, marked down from $150! I'm a total and complete shoe whore and I'm not afraid to admit it.

While checking out, I asked the clerk if they were hiring and I basically got an interview right there! They're calling tomorrow to let me know. You religious types, pray for mojo.

Member's Section...VIP ONLY....

I'm very excited to announce my two newest friends! Hepburn and SG Roby!! Aren't they just sickenly beautiful? Hep is like...a deer or something. And I mean that in the nicest, most Simpson-referencing way possible. And Roby, well, Roby is about as hot as they heat 'em. Goodness gracious!!

shownomercy is coming into the city this weekend, and I do so hope to meet her. She's so funny and Viking-like on AIM.

I wonder if SGNY hates me?

And now, the conclusion of our story.

I told my parents what had happened, regarding the stealing and the running from the security, and the cops, the shredding of my ear. I didn't tell them about the Outlaw Sex, though. Now, my parents are lawyers, all four of them, and my parents love me. They called up the cops, the meijers, the whomever and worked out a plea bargain.

Ben Guerriero gets to take his exams the next day, and he turns himself in. They agreed and I was then nearly beaten by my enraged Mother. She then admitted to stealing stuff when SHE was a kid, but that was like the 1960s and no one cared.

So I went to school the next and started taking exams. The whole school was weird around me. They don't know if I'm a loser for the whole deal, or some sort of rebel hero. They were very confused.

And the confusion was cleared up around noonish when two squad cars pulled up to the school.

They found me in English or Math class, I forget. Two cops. They arrested my ass on the spot. I was a flight risk or some such bullshit. I was handcuffed and lead through the school and shoved into an awaiting cruiser.

I was now cemented as a legend at my school.

And boy were my parents furious. They threatened to sue everybody. Everybody. My dad left his job in detroit and drove all the way to Grand Rapids to personally talk to the judge. The cops and the judge were backed into such a corner they let me slide. All I had to do was community service and take a 'Scared Straight' class. Odd thing was, the class was taught by Mr. Maitner, the FATHER of Brian, my counter-part in the whole deal! He came to work in the very van I stole the PS2 and Dreamcast in! Good times.

So what did I get out of it? A clean record after 18, the most shit eating mug shot ever and I am now a mythic hero among my fellow students. And that's the end.

I win.

CUZ YOU KNOW I'M ON FIRE!!


Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?