endedben

I wake up and instinctively check for my penis. Still there. Where's my wallet?! On the desk...with my keys thank God. Surviving the previous night intact in the state I was in deserves a medal and cash reward. Does the Society For The Prevention of Elderly Blowjobs still give out scholarships?

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The night was drawing to a close when Ahmad walks into the living room with a big toothy grin.

"Ha ha ha." He chuckles. Our attention moves from a deep discussion on the roots of death and birth in our world (three guesses as to what we were doing minutes previous) and to the smiling drunk in the doorframe.

"Ha ha." He concludes. "There's some drunk MILFs coming over. I mean, these women are drunk and these women are OLD."

He laughs some more and I look at my friends and my friends look at me and Eron gets a wicked, wicked grin on his face. I make myself comfortable on the big leather couch.

ONLY BREAKFAST

Don't get me wrong, both these women were old, older than you I can guarantee, but they weren't exactly old. More specifically, one wasn't exactly old. The other was exactly a mummy. A vision in lime green and other crazy old lady colors, The Mummy was one boozed up dirvorcee who was absolutely thrilled to be around a bunch of kids.

"Ahmaaaad, I thought we were going to Only Breakfast!" She cried, alluding to Ahmad's empty promise he would feed her only breakfast at a non existant restaurant called Only Breakfast.

Trying to keep out of it but still maintain a presence I leaned in. Big mistake. The Mummy saw me. "I luhf your haaaaiiirrr...!" She would swoon. I couldn't tell if it was alcohol or senility but The Mummy told me she loved my hair and had once given Microsoft founder Bill Gates a blowjob.

She then placed her hand on my thigh.

end part one.