You go to highschool, kinda have friends, kinda have enemies, but you think you know people. At least, on a somewhat superficial level. And I thought I had the gaydar thing figured out. Mostly, I was right. But, for some reason Silent Mike slipped under the radar. I just thought he was quiet. I thought he was happy that way. I was wrong.
Micheal (no longer Silent Mike) just posted this amazing entry on his livejournal, and it made me really think about who I was in high school compared to who I am now. Ive come a long way.
Im still the 'lighting girl', I still love ska even though the average age at a local show nowdays is, oh, 12, and I still am pretending to be confused about my sexuality and what I want. But Ive grown so much, and so have all the people I thought I knew. The decisions I make now are for my future, not to impress my current crush. I read books and go to class because I want to, not because Im on an attendance contract with the principal or my english teacher. And most of all, Im starting to not be afraid.
I used to be really afraid.
My first high school, I never talked to anyone. My family was crazy; I thought I was crazy; I thought everyone hated me. Only later did I find out they thought I was a pretentious ballerina (which, to some degree, I was), and that I wanted nothing to do with them. I did. I spent so much time on the outside wanting in.
My second school was different. I spent a year on the outside, but by the end of my sophomore year I started to trust and respect people, and they did the same to me. That summer, I lived in VA, so I talked to my 'friends' mostly online. When I got back for school in the fall of my junior year, it was like I fit right in. The theatre crowd welcomed me as part of the crowd, and was awesome supportive of my lighting obsession. I immediatly choreographed the fall mainstage production, and was head sound design/lighting console programmer for the spring mainstage. It was incredible.
Then I dropped out, and now Im at college.
I think about what I missed from that last year of high school, and its not much. Im thankful to be where I am. And now, thanks to the DN Drama Department kids, I have a good place to grow from, and a good reason not to be scared anymore.
Micheal (no longer Silent Mike) just posted this amazing entry on his livejournal, and it made me really think about who I was in high school compared to who I am now. Ive come a long way.
Im still the 'lighting girl', I still love ska even though the average age at a local show nowdays is, oh, 12, and I still am pretending to be confused about my sexuality and what I want. But Ive grown so much, and so have all the people I thought I knew. The decisions I make now are for my future, not to impress my current crush. I read books and go to class because I want to, not because Im on an attendance contract with the principal or my english teacher. And most of all, Im starting to not be afraid.
I used to be really afraid.
My first high school, I never talked to anyone. My family was crazy; I thought I was crazy; I thought everyone hated me. Only later did I find out they thought I was a pretentious ballerina (which, to some degree, I was), and that I wanted nothing to do with them. I did. I spent so much time on the outside wanting in.
My second school was different. I spent a year on the outside, but by the end of my sophomore year I started to trust and respect people, and they did the same to me. That summer, I lived in VA, so I talked to my 'friends' mostly online. When I got back for school in the fall of my junior year, it was like I fit right in. The theatre crowd welcomed me as part of the crowd, and was awesome supportive of my lighting obsession. I immediatly choreographed the fall mainstage production, and was head sound design/lighting console programmer for the spring mainstage. It was incredible.
Then I dropped out, and now Im at college.
I think about what I missed from that last year of high school, and its not much. Im thankful to be where I am. And now, thanks to the DN Drama Department kids, I have a good place to grow from, and a good reason not to be scared anymore.