Right now as I lay in my bed in my own apartment, I feel strangely content, content and safe. I say strangely because contentment seems to have evaded me for quite a while. Im wary of it now as every time Ive gotten close to it recently its jumped out of my way just in time to be replaced by a smack to the face. So right now, as well as feeling content and safe, I feel scared. Scared that this feeling wont last too long, somethings bound to go wrong soon really soon. I know its coming, but at least this time Ill be expecting it.
A part of this feeling all right comes from having a pretty excellent weekend. My friend Gem came over on Friday for a Christian Slater and Keifer Sutherland night, unfortunately Mr Slater and Mr Sutherland couldnt make it at such short notice so we had to make do with watching their damn fine work on DVD. We ate good food, drank Sailor Jerrys and talking about boys. It was ace! We even watched Ave Ventura (one of the best films I had the good fortune to have grown up with in my opinion) over breakfast.
All righty then! On Saturday I met up with my friend Kate in Leeds at about half 3 after taking the bus there through cracksville note to self DO NOT ever get on that bus home after dark! FYI, Hunslet and Middlestown (or Middleton?) are not places to be frequenting even in a moving vehicle. We had an excellent time, we drank Boston Brew in one of my fave bars then moved around a bit before going to wakey (which involved another needlessly long fucking busride!) to meet another friend who was on a hen night. We had the misfortune of having to go into one of the chaviest bars in the North of England to meet said friend. We didnt even last 5 minutes, we walked in, got groped walking to the far end of the bar, found Kat, said sorry we couldnt hack the hell that was that place and headed out thanking the lord Jebus above that we got out of there without catching anything. After that we headed to one of our fave bars in Wakey with the hope of cleansing ourselves with vodka cranberries. Thank crap it worked, also bumped into some really old friends, the boys I used to be in a band with. Was brill to see them again, it hopefully wont be too long before I see them again. We hit one more bar after that before heading home, 8 hours of drinking in total left me a little bewildered as to why I wasnt totally fucking wasted. I was fine, a bit tipsy but fine! Its for the best really, I tend to do stupid things if I get too drunk and after a 5-month draught I would have probably done someone stupid and regretted it immediately!
Sunday rolled around all too quickly and I had plans to do the following...
*Wash sheets and towels
*Go to the gym (do a light workout seeing as my ankle is still knacked)
*Go to Leeds Art Gallery
*Go see Gran Torino then Bronson
What I actually did
*Washed sheets and towels
*Visited Parents
*Met another friend for coffee, shes having a rough time of it at the minute.
*Saw Gran Torino and Bronson
Of late all I seem to do is watch films, think of ideas for films, talk about films, read about films, or stare at my screen trying to get ideas for films into some kind of logical order. I love going to the cinema, I just love it, every film I see I feel is part of my education, I learn form every single movie. Today Gran Torino taught me the true need for an intriguing protagonist. Bronson taught me to deviate from the 3 act structure and just do something a bit off the wall (after a while not yet!), be inventive, be imaginative nothing is out of bounds. I love that. I love film.
As for the miserable blogs I indulged in a few weeks ago, fuck that, right now I actually feel like its all going to be ok. I dont need a boyfriend, I dont need validation, I dont need anything more than I have. I have great friends, and these days I really do know who they are, they ones I have now are the ones Ill have forever, and new ones keep on coming hopefully theyll stick around too. I miss Stevie like hell, I never though it would hurt to think about someone not being there, my stomach turns when I think about not being able to see him til god knows when. Hes one of my very best friends, I know he misses me too, and I know hes still loving it in Thailand, I just know when I do eventually see him the hug Ill get will be the best hug ever!
Now people raise your glasses to a toast To that rare feeling of contentment and the hope that it will like me enough to stick around for a while!
Well this blog would feel nekid without a picture, so have this
Only Kiefer could make a mullet sexy!
A part of this feeling all right comes from having a pretty excellent weekend. My friend Gem came over on Friday for a Christian Slater and Keifer Sutherland night, unfortunately Mr Slater and Mr Sutherland couldnt make it at such short notice so we had to make do with watching their damn fine work on DVD. We ate good food, drank Sailor Jerrys and talking about boys. It was ace! We even watched Ave Ventura (one of the best films I had the good fortune to have grown up with in my opinion) over breakfast.
All righty then! On Saturday I met up with my friend Kate in Leeds at about half 3 after taking the bus there through cracksville note to self DO NOT ever get on that bus home after dark! FYI, Hunslet and Middlestown (or Middleton?) are not places to be frequenting even in a moving vehicle. We had an excellent time, we drank Boston Brew in one of my fave bars then moved around a bit before going to wakey (which involved another needlessly long fucking busride!) to meet another friend who was on a hen night. We had the misfortune of having to go into one of the chaviest bars in the North of England to meet said friend. We didnt even last 5 minutes, we walked in, got groped walking to the far end of the bar, found Kat, said sorry we couldnt hack the hell that was that place and headed out thanking the lord Jebus above that we got out of there without catching anything. After that we headed to one of our fave bars in Wakey with the hope of cleansing ourselves with vodka cranberries. Thank crap it worked, also bumped into some really old friends, the boys I used to be in a band with. Was brill to see them again, it hopefully wont be too long before I see them again. We hit one more bar after that before heading home, 8 hours of drinking in total left me a little bewildered as to why I wasnt totally fucking wasted. I was fine, a bit tipsy but fine! Its for the best really, I tend to do stupid things if I get too drunk and after a 5-month draught I would have probably done someone stupid and regretted it immediately!
Sunday rolled around all too quickly and I had plans to do the following...
*Wash sheets and towels
*Go to the gym (do a light workout seeing as my ankle is still knacked)
*Go to Leeds Art Gallery
*Go see Gran Torino then Bronson
What I actually did
*Washed sheets and towels
*Visited Parents
*Met another friend for coffee, shes having a rough time of it at the minute.
*Saw Gran Torino and Bronson
Of late all I seem to do is watch films, think of ideas for films, talk about films, read about films, or stare at my screen trying to get ideas for films into some kind of logical order. I love going to the cinema, I just love it, every film I see I feel is part of my education, I learn form every single movie. Today Gran Torino taught me the true need for an intriguing protagonist. Bronson taught me to deviate from the 3 act structure and just do something a bit off the wall (after a while not yet!), be inventive, be imaginative nothing is out of bounds. I love that. I love film.
As for the miserable blogs I indulged in a few weeks ago, fuck that, right now I actually feel like its all going to be ok. I dont need a boyfriend, I dont need validation, I dont need anything more than I have. I have great friends, and these days I really do know who they are, they ones I have now are the ones Ill have forever, and new ones keep on coming hopefully theyll stick around too. I miss Stevie like hell, I never though it would hurt to think about someone not being there, my stomach turns when I think about not being able to see him til god knows when. Hes one of my very best friends, I know he misses me too, and I know hes still loving it in Thailand, I just know when I do eventually see him the hug Ill get will be the best hug ever!
Now people raise your glasses to a toast To that rare feeling of contentment and the hope that it will like me enough to stick around for a while!
Well this blog would feel nekid without a picture, so have this
Only Kiefer could make a mullet sexy!
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What your new one gonna be then?