I'm not sure of really where to write this but I felt the need to talk about it so I am.
so my boyfriend and I broke up. He broke up with me. No surprise there. I really shouldn't say that because I really know none of this is my fault except for maybe believing that he was ready for another relationship. See, he had just broken up with his long term girlfriend of 4 years about a month before him and I started dating. Thats not to say that I didn't give him many chances to back out last minute, he made me so sure he was ready.
I guess my point to this blog is to let you know how unfair it is to someone that is really willing to do anything for you, to just suddenly wake up and realize this is kinda too much.
At one point I wrote in my personal journal "How sick is it that I am willing to push all the pain I feel aside as long as it makes him feel more comfortable?"
That part about myself makes me want to vomit that I could be so careless about my own personal needs. I realized though that this is apart of who I am and for a long time I was trying not to be the girl that does everything for everyone because everyone takes advantage of that, but fuck it right? theres nothing wrong with that, theres something wrong with the people that fuck you over for it.
I'm still in "awe" of what actually happened, what excuse he gave me was sort of a half ass excuse. I realize that dwelling on it isnt going to do me any good.
heres the thing.. I took the time to introduce him to my family. My brother, who is pretty much my best friend, accepted him (which is really important to me) he met all of my friends, as i did with his... It was just weird to me that one day he woke up and thought that.. he couldn't be a boyfriend right now... it just sucked to have to go back and tell all my family and friends "just kidding" and then the fact I was so close with his mom... letting that go was hard too because im not really close with my mom at all...
one another note...
which i am excited to talk about is i recently started to smoke pot.. I went ahead and bought my own pipe and grinder which is... REALLY SOMETHING okay?!?!?!.. I was soooo straight edge for the last 23 years..
I like getting high so much more than getting drunk. alcohol makes me sweat and I always feel gross.
anyways... i just wanted to write that...
so my boyfriend and I broke up. He broke up with me. No surprise there. I really shouldn't say that because I really know none of this is my fault except for maybe believing that he was ready for another relationship. See, he had just broken up with his long term girlfriend of 4 years about a month before him and I started dating. Thats not to say that I didn't give him many chances to back out last minute, he made me so sure he was ready.
I guess my point to this blog is to let you know how unfair it is to someone that is really willing to do anything for you, to just suddenly wake up and realize this is kinda too much.
At one point I wrote in my personal journal "How sick is it that I am willing to push all the pain I feel aside as long as it makes him feel more comfortable?"
That part about myself makes me want to vomit that I could be so careless about my own personal needs. I realized though that this is apart of who I am and for a long time I was trying not to be the girl that does everything for everyone because everyone takes advantage of that, but fuck it right? theres nothing wrong with that, theres something wrong with the people that fuck you over for it.
I'm still in "awe" of what actually happened, what excuse he gave me was sort of a half ass excuse. I realize that dwelling on it isnt going to do me any good.
heres the thing.. I took the time to introduce him to my family. My brother, who is pretty much my best friend, accepted him (which is really important to me) he met all of my friends, as i did with his... It was just weird to me that one day he woke up and thought that.. he couldn't be a boyfriend right now... it just sucked to have to go back and tell all my family and friends "just kidding" and then the fact I was so close with his mom... letting that go was hard too because im not really close with my mom at all...
one another note...
which i am excited to talk about is i recently started to smoke pot.. I went ahead and bought my own pipe and grinder which is... REALLY SOMETHING okay?!?!?!.. I was soooo straight edge for the last 23 years..
I like getting high so much more than getting drunk. alcohol makes me sweat and I always feel gross.
anyways... i just wanted to write that...
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As for smoking vs drinking, i wasnt necessarily straight edge but definitely inexperienced, and when i made the switch to weed at 23 it was the best decision i could have made for myself and my body lol.
i'm sorry to read and feel what you are going thru, shit sucks man. On the upside, at least us South Florida folk arent melting away like everyone else in the country. Quite ironic really being subtropical and all. I hope you make time to spark a few in your new pipe outside and enjoy the Florida Sunshine. Vitamin D does wonders for that depressed psyche.
Welcome to the dark side
- HM