- Was it not completely shady that facebook tricked you into that lame ass layout? Always trying to make me conform and shit... Fuck you facebook... fuck you really hard.
- Missionary sex is the first and foremost sex position you MUST try when first copulating. ESPECIALLY if you have a small penis. You and I both know that a circus act is not going to work this first time. That takes weeks of practice okay? You don't just try a cheat code on your first mission!? You play the game a bit, then you hack the system.
- If you have to hire someone to tell you, you're doing a bad job.. then you're officially a moron, get out of my face.
- Don't avoid change. I feel like cringing when I feel it coming along but you will realize it's not half as bad as you thought it was going to be.
- Every single girl you ever date ever... is damaged in some way, shape or form. In her mind, her experience, no matter how small or insignificant, is the worst ever on this planet (even worse than yours). Dudes, you need to face this now... because that perfect girl you want doesn't exist. I mean she does, but not with out some... sort... of female imperfection to go along with it. Didn't your mother ever tell you "nothings perfect"? well she was right. Prepare yourself, and by prepare I mean just understand that woman are really hard to deal with, especially the pretty ones..
- Ladies, seriously build a bridge and get over it. So your husband left you for another man right after you had his baby... fuck cares? you're still alive and well! stop being so God damned conniving all the time, life isn't about that.
- P.S...Karma exists.. and she's a mother fucking bitch.
- You know what turns me off? someone who tries too hard. It just does. I think it's because it's so easy to see sometimes it almost makes me want to vomit. So you know a band, wow... impressive.. Is that supposed to make me want to fuck you now? cause it's not fucking working.. which says something, because I literally want to fuck all the time.
- How about when someone is interested in you but it's completely obvious neither of you have a single thing in common, yet they still continue to try and pursue something with you?... I gotta say dude, that takes some serious balls, but not the kind I want...
- If they cheat on them with you, then they will cheat on you with someone else... I can't make this shit up people... even if I tried.
- Stay in the dark before you start talking to people about personal issues. If you stand back for a bit you can see how other people handle situations. You don't want to be the person that finally opens up about a personal problem only to find out who ever you are confiding in is either an asshole or has no idea what they are talking about.
- No one has a single clue about what is going on. Ever, at any point in life...
- The most important thing, is that they are breathing...
- It is possible for people to give up. It happens when someone can no longer take the amount of bullshit going on. It means that the amount of bullshit has gotten so large that they, themselves are suffocating because of someone else's large mound of bullshit.. and lets face it, that's not very fair is it?
- Anyone who takes a job at a mall kiosk is desperate as fuck.
- I think people who stick their hands in cages to pet animals that they don't personally know deserve to get bit.. I'm just saying... that's like leaning on a hot stove to reach for food...
- You know that person that's in your life that you know it's better to just stay quiet than prove a point? Even though you know what they said is total fucking bullshit, you would just rather nod despite their ridiculous comment? THAT BOTHERS THE SHIT OUT OF ME THAT THESE PEOPLE EXIST.
- I hate when people stare at me like I have some sort of mental problem when I tell them what I do on my time off. It could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin or titty bars...
- A person's favorite part about Monday is when you walk out of work...
- I think one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me has to be when I called a hot dudes kid a girl, when it was a boy... I'll just keep walking... This never happened... you don't know me...
- Personally, not that it matters, but I am sadly prone to embarrassing moments like this one above...
- I had a dream about Justin Timberlake. He was a terrible kisser and a cock tease.
- I'm not gonna lie. I never take a dude seriously when he says he's great with oral sex. Just like I never take a dude seriously when he says hes got a huge cock. Why? because I've never once in my 25 years of life ever actually said "Holy shit... you were right"
- Why do I need to know how good you are anyways? You don't see me braggin about my blow job abilities.. I don't brag about shit that needs action to justify it. It either just is, or just isn't.
- Also, everyone knows that any dude that says "Fuck yeah its big" means its either average or disappointing.. and neither of those = big...
- Also "BIG" is so 2010... now it's all about how you work it...
- If shit hasn't hit the fan, it isn't officially a Monday yet.
- The reason why you haven't found a decent guy is because you fuck him the first day you meet him
- I don't know if I'm jealous or genuinely upset/sad that some of my friends grew apart from me..
- I don't think anyone wants to lose someone that has been around for more than 3 years, change sucks sometimes but its necessary for moving on to the next level.
- People say "anything is possible" but that is so depending on what you want. I don't think its possible to bring someone back from the dead, or travel back in time. That's like trying to convince me unicorns are real.
Don't know how true this actually but lets stop all the hatin' and start more anticipating fellas...
- If you spend most of your time arguing with your significant other you are officially in an emotionally abusive relationship.
- If your significant other does anything physically aggressive that is not asked to be done by you personally, then you are officially in an abusive relationship.
- If you picture pushing your significant others face into the dash board or anything of the sort, you probably don't have the healthiest relationship....
- I've kinda always wanted to be best friends with a dude that later on down the road realized how awesome I am and then did this epic 80's movie "win her over" scene. I think a lot of this has to do with the movies I watch...
- Why is it my toaster never accurately toasts toast? It's either too burnt or not toasted enough
- I don't like my sweet tea to be too sweet, who ever makes it too sweet, has a sugar addiction and needs to see a Doctor. There is officially more sugar than tea in this cup.. and that's not what tea is about...
- I think everyone changes after you get out of a relationship but there are two things you have to remember.
1. The change must always be for the better, never for worse.
2. You must never forget your foundation as a person.
- When ever I get asked "why are you still single?" I always reply with "I live in Miami"
- Has anyone ever answered that question too honestly?
"Probably because I'm fucking nuts"
"Maybe because I eat people..."
- Hi my name is Emily and I still ask for star wars toys for my birthday and Christmas..
- I think if you have a penis, it deprives you of vivid dreams. Every time I tell a guy about the dream I had, they look at me like I'm full of shit or crazy... Yeah.. I have dreams I can clearly remember, that are too much like real life...
- Also, How come I can't ever tell that I'm in a dream? I know dragons don't fucking exist... yet there one is, talking to me... in my dream... shouldn't I know better?
- I hope that you all know that having a particular kind of guy/girl that you usually go for isn't really the healthiest approach at trying to find someone.
- Every Guy/girl like to flash their attributes. It's a lot like what a peacock does with its feathers..
- Has anyone ever said "The book was SO much worse than the movie..."?
- How come you can't get rid of spam mail? I've tried being nice by sending a polite email like "Please stop sending me e-mails.. I don't need to meet new black people" and I've tried a more aggressive approach like "I DON'T HAVE A GOD DAMN PENIS, THEREFOR I DON'T NEED THESE PENIS ENLARGEMENT SUPPLEMENTS!" nothing fucking works...
- Never... Ever.... Join eharmony or any dating website for that matter.
Any dating website is the meeting grounds for rapists, escaped convicts and people with fetishes that are too weird to be told face to face. Want to know how I know? 99% of the time they will have you fill out the most rigorous questionnaire.. and no real cheater, liar, crazy person is going to be "truthful" on that shit.. Why? because normal people don't date cheaters, liars and crazy people on purpose... They do it after they someone has completely taken over, and they are too scared to realize that.
- Maybe I did "try" one out and "maybe" that means I'm a rapist/escaped convict/furry lover OR maybe that just means I'll try anything once, and I most definitely wont ever do that again...
- Don't let whats slowly killing you inside consume you.
- That most glorious moment when you can CLEARLY see someone singing to themselves... and you know no one ever looks good when they are singing to themselves...
- A red light should flash when someone says "the hulk is my favorite super hero" Question those fuckers seriously. Smart people will know what I mean by this.. This is not the type of thing you want to over look because it makes them "different" this is kind of different you don't want to be attracted to..
- If you haven't already figured out how to figure a person out by the many steps I've listed in these, some hundred posts, here is another key thing.
Kissing.
If someone is an aggressive kisser (and not in the good way) they are most likely a pushy person.
If someone is a tease, softly, but a good kisser none the less, they are most likely an interesting soft person.
If someone likes to use too much tongue they know nothing about life at all.
If someone is all about biting, they are usually a flashy type of person.
Bet me I'm wrong.
- There is nothing wrong with having someone as your "rock" or "crutch" but don't abuse them because you think they can handle it... It doesn't mean they can't, it just means you should be more considerate.
- I saw a store manager be a complete fucking dick to someone today at this market I go to for lunch. If it wasn't for the fact he was a client of ours, I would've tapped him on the shoulder and told him to apologize, way old school .. then I would've told him to sit in a corner for 5 minutes till he learned his lesson.
- Imagine if I really did that though....
- I don't agree with arguing or yelling out bad names because you're angry for what ever reason at your significant other, but if you are going to insult someone, specifically a girl... don't use the same fucking words everyone uses like "bitch" or cunt" Use something clever like "Cum rag"
why? because of 2 reasons.
1. It's going to catch me off guard that you were that clever to come up with something that is still a terrible insult.
2. There is no way I'll be able to come up with something in that short amount of time that will be equally as great...
- Never call a girl a "cum rag" unless she is, in fact, a cum rag.
- To all the people who knowingly walk into a facility that is closing in literally 10 seconds to dick around and ask questions, the answer is "YES, we fucking hate you" and you should be sorry for being this fucking stupid.
- I know you're driving a fire truck and everything but that doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it. Firemen (although attractive in their uniform) have the most pompous attitudes about shit. I hear you and if I could, I would fly over the cars in front of me, but I can't so stop being obnoxious.
- You want to make your girl feel like a million dollars? Tell her she's the best you've ever had... Even if it ain't true, that shit is like unleashing a very sexual dragon...
- Solo, I'm a soloist on a solo list. All live, never on a floppy disk...
- Missionary sex is the first and foremost sex position you MUST try when first copulating. ESPECIALLY if you have a small penis. You and I both know that a circus act is not going to work this first time. That takes weeks of practice okay? You don't just try a cheat code on your first mission!? You play the game a bit, then you hack the system.
- If you have to hire someone to tell you, you're doing a bad job.. then you're officially a moron, get out of my face.
- Don't avoid change. I feel like cringing when I feel it coming along but you will realize it's not half as bad as you thought it was going to be.
- Every single girl you ever date ever... is damaged in some way, shape or form. In her mind, her experience, no matter how small or insignificant, is the worst ever on this planet (even worse than yours). Dudes, you need to face this now... because that perfect girl you want doesn't exist. I mean she does, but not with out some... sort... of female imperfection to go along with it. Didn't your mother ever tell you "nothings perfect"? well she was right. Prepare yourself, and by prepare I mean just understand that woman are really hard to deal with, especially the pretty ones..
- Ladies, seriously build a bridge and get over it. So your husband left you for another man right after you had his baby... fuck cares? you're still alive and well! stop being so God damned conniving all the time, life isn't about that.
- P.S...Karma exists.. and she's a mother fucking bitch.
- You know what turns me off? someone who tries too hard. It just does. I think it's because it's so easy to see sometimes it almost makes me want to vomit. So you know a band, wow... impressive.. Is that supposed to make me want to fuck you now? cause it's not fucking working.. which says something, because I literally want to fuck all the time.
- How about when someone is interested in you but it's completely obvious neither of you have a single thing in common, yet they still continue to try and pursue something with you?... I gotta say dude, that takes some serious balls, but not the kind I want...
- If they cheat on them with you, then they will cheat on you with someone else... I can't make this shit up people... even if I tried.
- Stay in the dark before you start talking to people about personal issues. If you stand back for a bit you can see how other people handle situations. You don't want to be the person that finally opens up about a personal problem only to find out who ever you are confiding in is either an asshole or has no idea what they are talking about.
- No one has a single clue about what is going on. Ever, at any point in life...
- The most important thing, is that they are breathing...
- It is possible for people to give up. It happens when someone can no longer take the amount of bullshit going on. It means that the amount of bullshit has gotten so large that they, themselves are suffocating because of someone else's large mound of bullshit.. and lets face it, that's not very fair is it?
- Anyone who takes a job at a mall kiosk is desperate as fuck.
- I think people who stick their hands in cages to pet animals that they don't personally know deserve to get bit.. I'm just saying... that's like leaning on a hot stove to reach for food...
- You know that person that's in your life that you know it's better to just stay quiet than prove a point? Even though you know what they said is total fucking bullshit, you would just rather nod despite their ridiculous comment? THAT BOTHERS THE SHIT OUT OF ME THAT THESE PEOPLE EXIST.
- I hate when people stare at me like I have some sort of mental problem when I tell them what I do on my time off. It could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin or titty bars...
- A person's favorite part about Monday is when you walk out of work...
- I think one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me has to be when I called a hot dudes kid a girl, when it was a boy... I'll just keep walking... This never happened... you don't know me...
- Personally, not that it matters, but I am sadly prone to embarrassing moments like this one above...
- I had a dream about Justin Timberlake. He was a terrible kisser and a cock tease.
- I'm not gonna lie. I never take a dude seriously when he says he's great with oral sex. Just like I never take a dude seriously when he says hes got a huge cock. Why? because I've never once in my 25 years of life ever actually said "Holy shit... you were right"
- Why do I need to know how good you are anyways? You don't see me braggin about my blow job abilities.. I don't brag about shit that needs action to justify it. It either just is, or just isn't.
- Also, everyone knows that any dude that says "Fuck yeah its big" means its either average or disappointing.. and neither of those = big...
- Also "BIG" is so 2010... now it's all about how you work it...
- If shit hasn't hit the fan, it isn't officially a Monday yet.
- The reason why you haven't found a decent guy is because you fuck him the first day you meet him
- I don't know if I'm jealous or genuinely upset/sad that some of my friends grew apart from me..
- I don't think anyone wants to lose someone that has been around for more than 3 years, change sucks sometimes but its necessary for moving on to the next level.
- People say "anything is possible" but that is so depending on what you want. I don't think its possible to bring someone back from the dead, or travel back in time. That's like trying to convince me unicorns are real.
Don't know how true this actually but lets stop all the hatin' and start more anticipating fellas...
- If you spend most of your time arguing with your significant other you are officially in an emotionally abusive relationship.
- If your significant other does anything physically aggressive that is not asked to be done by you personally, then you are officially in an abusive relationship.
- If you picture pushing your significant others face into the dash board or anything of the sort, you probably don't have the healthiest relationship....
- I've kinda always wanted to be best friends with a dude that later on down the road realized how awesome I am and then did this epic 80's movie "win her over" scene. I think a lot of this has to do with the movies I watch...
- Why is it my toaster never accurately toasts toast? It's either too burnt or not toasted enough
- I don't like my sweet tea to be too sweet, who ever makes it too sweet, has a sugar addiction and needs to see a Doctor. There is officially more sugar than tea in this cup.. and that's not what tea is about...
- I think everyone changes after you get out of a relationship but there are two things you have to remember.
1. The change must always be for the better, never for worse.
2. You must never forget your foundation as a person.
- When ever I get asked "why are you still single?" I always reply with "I live in Miami"
- Has anyone ever answered that question too honestly?
"Probably because I'm fucking nuts"
"Maybe because I eat people..."
- Hi my name is Emily and I still ask for star wars toys for my birthday and Christmas..
- I think if you have a penis, it deprives you of vivid dreams. Every time I tell a guy about the dream I had, they look at me like I'm full of shit or crazy... Yeah.. I have dreams I can clearly remember, that are too much like real life...
- Also, How come I can't ever tell that I'm in a dream? I know dragons don't fucking exist... yet there one is, talking to me... in my dream... shouldn't I know better?
- I hope that you all know that having a particular kind of guy/girl that you usually go for isn't really the healthiest approach at trying to find someone.
- Every Guy/girl like to flash their attributes. It's a lot like what a peacock does with its feathers..
- Has anyone ever said "The book was SO much worse than the movie..."?
- How come you can't get rid of spam mail? I've tried being nice by sending a polite email like "Please stop sending me e-mails.. I don't need to meet new black people" and I've tried a more aggressive approach like "I DON'T HAVE A GOD DAMN PENIS, THEREFOR I DON'T NEED THESE PENIS ENLARGEMENT SUPPLEMENTS!" nothing fucking works...
- Never... Ever.... Join eharmony or any dating website for that matter.
Any dating website is the meeting grounds for rapists, escaped convicts and people with fetishes that are too weird to be told face to face. Want to know how I know? 99% of the time they will have you fill out the most rigorous questionnaire.. and no real cheater, liar, crazy person is going to be "truthful" on that shit.. Why? because normal people don't date cheaters, liars and crazy people on purpose... They do it after they someone has completely taken over, and they are too scared to realize that.
- Maybe I did "try" one out and "maybe" that means I'm a rapist/escaped convict/furry lover OR maybe that just means I'll try anything once, and I most definitely wont ever do that again...
- Don't let whats slowly killing you inside consume you.
- That most glorious moment when you can CLEARLY see someone singing to themselves... and you know no one ever looks good when they are singing to themselves...
- A red light should flash when someone says "the hulk is my favorite super hero" Question those fuckers seriously. Smart people will know what I mean by this.. This is not the type of thing you want to over look because it makes them "different" this is kind of different you don't want to be attracted to..
- If you haven't already figured out how to figure a person out by the many steps I've listed in these, some hundred posts, here is another key thing.
Kissing.
If someone is an aggressive kisser (and not in the good way) they are most likely a pushy person.
If someone is a tease, softly, but a good kisser none the less, they are most likely an interesting soft person.
If someone likes to use too much tongue they know nothing about life at all.
If someone is all about biting, they are usually a flashy type of person.
Bet me I'm wrong.
- There is nothing wrong with having someone as your "rock" or "crutch" but don't abuse them because you think they can handle it... It doesn't mean they can't, it just means you should be more considerate.
- I saw a store manager be a complete fucking dick to someone today at this market I go to for lunch. If it wasn't for the fact he was a client of ours, I would've tapped him on the shoulder and told him to apologize, way old school .. then I would've told him to sit in a corner for 5 minutes till he learned his lesson.
- Imagine if I really did that though....
- I don't agree with arguing or yelling out bad names because you're angry for what ever reason at your significant other, but if you are going to insult someone, specifically a girl... don't use the same fucking words everyone uses like "bitch" or cunt" Use something clever like "Cum rag"
why? because of 2 reasons.
1. It's going to catch me off guard that you were that clever to come up with something that is still a terrible insult.
2. There is no way I'll be able to come up with something in that short amount of time that will be equally as great...
- Never call a girl a "cum rag" unless she is, in fact, a cum rag.
- To all the people who knowingly walk into a facility that is closing in literally 10 seconds to dick around and ask questions, the answer is "YES, we fucking hate you" and you should be sorry for being this fucking stupid.
- I know you're driving a fire truck and everything but that doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it. Firemen (although attractive in their uniform) have the most pompous attitudes about shit. I hear you and if I could, I would fly over the cars in front of me, but I can't so stop being obnoxious.
- You want to make your girl feel like a million dollars? Tell her she's the best you've ever had... Even if it ain't true, that shit is like unleashing a very sexual dragon...
- Solo, I'm a soloist on a solo list. All live, never on a floppy disk...
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
- i have lucid dreams. and also a penis.
- i hate when people say, "anything is possible." and also when they say, "things are going to get better." you have no way of knowing that, thank you.
- i keep getting Star Wars toys in my Lucky Charms boxes. i will save them for you, in case i ever pass you on the street and i'm like "hey, aren't you Emily? didn't you want these for Christmas?!" don't doubt me. anything is possible.
- i think being a bad kisser is a deal breaker.i'd much rather they be a bad lay.
-also, unicorns are real.
-when i say, 'fuck yeah, it's big', i'm referring to my ambitions.
-is Miami really that bad? i've never heard anyone speak well of Miami. at least not anyone whose opinion i could potentially respect. it seems like a city designed by Ed Hardy.
- great blog. you're kewl.
Also, I will be moving to Miami in July/August! I'd love LOVE to shoot a new set with you. You and Brooklyn are the best photographers ever