I have another blog that I don't get personal at all in. Yet I find myself writing snippets of things that I am feeling when I am feeling a bit sentimental so I figured I'll just use this blog as a venting machine.
2 things...
1. I like this guy.. but this guy has a girlfriend..
You can imagine how frustrating that can be being that, that very sentence goes against everything I believe in pretty much. I don't usually "like" dudes that are taken. I usually don't even associate with them if we weren't friends to begin with. The weird part is I keep throwing subtle hints that I like him JUST to see how he will react. I know that sounds totally fucked up but I am doing it for a reason. If he reacts in a way that he shows he likes me I can write him off as a douche bag and forget about him... but he's not. I mean he told me that if he wasn't dating his g.f he would pursue me but thats because I asked him but other then that... he reacts completely opposite. We hung out the other night till 4am. I was so nervous, a big part of me wished that he would see me and realize how stupid of an idea it is for him to come over and leave. But he didnt. His girlfriend is much prettier then me. I have this weird... complex about that too. I keep telling myself "there is no way in hell he would leave his g.f for me.." but I am pretty. I mean I think im pretty enough to have him... Its just weird.. and frustrating and part of me wants to just kick him out of my life but the other part of me just says "be friends, see what happens"
2. It is SO easy for me to make myself forget things.. I mean I never really forget but for the most part, if I don't try hard enough to remember things I dont want to remember, then they never come up ever again. So you can imagine how pissed off I get when I get random texts from my ex in the middle of the night.
Its like a fucking kick in the teeth. Imagine being so hurt you want to vomit. thats how i feel when I see anything remotely close to having to do with him. So when I get texts, I want to write back "just fucking delete my number already you fucking piece of shit" but then he would know that I am still bothered by the whole thing..
so...there you have it.
2 things...
1. I like this guy.. but this guy has a girlfriend..
You can imagine how frustrating that can be being that, that very sentence goes against everything I believe in pretty much. I don't usually "like" dudes that are taken. I usually don't even associate with them if we weren't friends to begin with. The weird part is I keep throwing subtle hints that I like him JUST to see how he will react. I know that sounds totally fucked up but I am doing it for a reason. If he reacts in a way that he shows he likes me I can write him off as a douche bag and forget about him... but he's not. I mean he told me that if he wasn't dating his g.f he would pursue me but thats because I asked him but other then that... he reacts completely opposite. We hung out the other night till 4am. I was so nervous, a big part of me wished that he would see me and realize how stupid of an idea it is for him to come over and leave. But he didnt. His girlfriend is much prettier then me. I have this weird... complex about that too. I keep telling myself "there is no way in hell he would leave his g.f for me.." but I am pretty. I mean I think im pretty enough to have him... Its just weird.. and frustrating and part of me wants to just kick him out of my life but the other part of me just says "be friends, see what happens"
2. It is SO easy for me to make myself forget things.. I mean I never really forget but for the most part, if I don't try hard enough to remember things I dont want to remember, then they never come up ever again. So you can imagine how pissed off I get when I get random texts from my ex in the middle of the night.
Its like a fucking kick in the teeth. Imagine being so hurt you want to vomit. thats how i feel when I see anything remotely close to having to do with him. So when I get texts, I want to write back "just fucking delete my number already you fucking piece of shit" but then he would know that I am still bothered by the whole thing..
so...there you have it.
This way you can tell him he's not worth your time and tell him to go to hell at the same time. As for your being beautiful, I think you're gorgeous and my wife thinks so too. I don't know why you'd ever think you weren't hot and sexy cause that's far from the truth. It sounds like you have the serious hots for this guy friend of yours but let me tell you, you're playing with fire and eventually you're gonna get burned. If you knew that this guy was gonna be with you through thick and thin and that he was worth wrecking his relationship with his girlfriend now so you two could be together, then I'd say persue him till you get him. Sadly it don't sound like he's willing to do that for you and so I'd say keep him as a friend if you want but put him in the do not touch bin of your mind and move on to the next guy. It's especially hard to have a relationship that is truly special when it begins with lies and/ or treachery You deserve more than that type of drama. I don't know if any of this helps you but I wish you luck in what ever you decide to do.