emilyisasecret

"will you wake me when were almost half way? I don't want to take this trip alone..."

- Modest boys will always have the bigger dick.

- I hate people that think reading what's on WebMD automatically makes them smarter then someone with a Ph.D

- Question: If a doctor tells you to finish your antibiotics, why don't people ever follow through with instructions? I'm sorry but did you go to medical school? Did you get your Doctors degree in pharmaceuticals? NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T SO FOLLOW THE RULES!

- I sometimes wish I had more patience for stupid people.

- I am all for plastic surgery but someone needs to learn where the stop button is, seriously.



- My sphynx wags his tail when he's eating and all I can think is "I'm so happy... I got food.. yea yea yea... la la la food food food"

- Why do people have to make Monday's such a shitty day?

- PENIS! all day... err day.

- Be thankful for discounts. Don't expect them.

- You know you are a selfish person when part of you says "that was mean" but the other part says "Fuck it."

- Probably a good idea to have a gun someplace easily accessible to you (only you) and enough ammo to last a whole year.

- Am I the only one that is kept up at night by thinking the single thought of the quickest escape route if a robber (or zombie) attacks my house?

- There are 4 races in this world. Black, White, Asian and Hispanic. Do not bother telling me your long list of ancestry. I do not care to know.

- Ever since I was little I have slept with the T.V on. I'm convinced it keeps aliens/demons/ghosts away. Why? Infomercials man, they suck you in.

- It's pretty important to leave your house looking presentable UNLESS you are going to home depot.

- In life you will encounter people that think their story is the most interesting/funny/scary/crazy story in the world. These people HATE when you tell a similar story to down play their amazing story. Your story will NEVER relate to theirs, no matter how similar it really is. I just want to let you know, don't let it get to you. Their story isn't as awesome as it sounds, you and I both know that.

- There will come a time where people will treat you like you owe them something because of certain circumstances. You will want to question wether you should put up with some bullshit like that or not. Some people will be worth it, BUT if you have to question the situation you can go ahead and trash those people.

- I don't waste my time "trying" to get to know people anymore. They either get me or they don't and if they don't, no hard feelings... just stop already.

- For some reason I always think there is a negative connotation in comments almost 90% of the time. I see what you did there asshole...

- Do everything, Expect nothing.