Wow, so this past week has been pretty crappy. I went on a road trip with an old friend, who turned out to be the same selfish, superficial, fake fake fake bitch that she always has been, (she tricked me into thinking she'd changed; why oh why did I fall for it??) and it was a disaster. Between getting caught in a blizzard, not sleeping for 4 days straight, and then ending up the third wheel once we met up with her ex boyfriend in Nashville, (and by third wheel I mean seriously...they ceased to be aware of my existence and excluded me from all decisions, conversations, and at one point even went into his room, closed the door, and turned up some music whilst I sat alone in the living room,) my vacation came to an end 3 days early the day we were supposed to leave for New Orleans when I decided I'd rather spend $200.00 on a plane ticket back to Ohio than spend another minute being their invisible little tag-along. She invited me on this road trip as an attempt to patch up our friendship that had ended years ago because of such behavior, and then treats me like shit. Fuck that. I should have known it was going to be lame. I mean, the first thing we did when we got to Nashville was go to the fucking mall and walk around. Are you kidding me!?!? I felt like I was in fucking middle school.
So I come home, which was cool because my boyfriend took 3 days off of work for his birthday, and I'm really glad I got to spend that time with him. We went to Findlay (home town,) for a day and got to hang out with our families and stuff. Then Friday morning, back in Columbus, my phone starts ringing like crazy, and I don't pick it up because I'm still in bed and I'm very grumpy when I get woken up too early. When I do finally get up and check my phone, I read a text from my bro that says "Uncle Deane passed away..." FUCK. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer in October, stage 4 lung cancer that had produced a large tumor on his face overnight. We all thought that he was recovering, and my aunt had called earlier this week to say that he was progressing and was finally able to eat and walk again. And then four days after she called, he died in his sleep. My poor aunt, she's been through so much shit in her life...she had 4 marriages, 2 of them to abusive assholes, before she found my uncle Deane. And he was the one, so kind and gentle and mellow. I was really looking forward to this fall, when I was going to make the trip out to Arizona to see them, and I was so excited to see my uncle for the first time in almost a decade. Sigh...such is life. I wish I could afford to make it to his funeral, but I wasted so much damn money on that worthless vacation that i can't foot the $600.00 plane ticket. I'm glad my mom at least gets to go, and I'm glad he was able to live out his last days in the comfort of his home. It will be weird going to see just my aunt this fall. Bless his heart, he was a good man.
I'm trying my best to be positive, bu it's really hard. I have so much shit going on with my family, money woes and my own health, which has been a great source of stress lately. Lets just say my body feels like it's aged 20 years in the past two months. Both my mom and my aunt developed arthritis when they were my age, and I'm definitely feeling it. My knees, back, hands, neck and shoulders all hurt, all the time, which leads to daily headaches and sometimes nausea. I just hope it gets better when the weather warms up, the cold aggravates all my aches and pains. Insomnia doesn't help, either.
Oh woe is me. On a better note, I've got Ben & Jerry's by my side, and that always helps. I also have the greatest, most patient and understanding boyfriend in the world, and wonderful friends and a loving family. I'm trying to be mindful of my thoughts and remind myself that if I want my situation to be different it's up to me to change it. I can't control everything that happens, but I can control my attitude about it. And I can be healthy again, if I work at it and take care of myself better. (Something I've been slacking on a lot.) So it's not the end of the world, just a roadblock. Roadblock after roadblock, I'll find some way around it, or just blow it the fuck out of my way. I'm thankful I at least have this little blog to sort out my feelings and find support. So thanks in advance, haha.
Hope all is well. Send me some good vibes.
So I come home, which was cool because my boyfriend took 3 days off of work for his birthday, and I'm really glad I got to spend that time with him. We went to Findlay (home town,) for a day and got to hang out with our families and stuff. Then Friday morning, back in Columbus, my phone starts ringing like crazy, and I don't pick it up because I'm still in bed and I'm very grumpy when I get woken up too early. When I do finally get up and check my phone, I read a text from my bro that says "Uncle Deane passed away..." FUCK. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer in October, stage 4 lung cancer that had produced a large tumor on his face overnight. We all thought that he was recovering, and my aunt had called earlier this week to say that he was progressing and was finally able to eat and walk again. And then four days after she called, he died in his sleep. My poor aunt, she's been through so much shit in her life...she had 4 marriages, 2 of them to abusive assholes, before she found my uncle Deane. And he was the one, so kind and gentle and mellow. I was really looking forward to this fall, when I was going to make the trip out to Arizona to see them, and I was so excited to see my uncle for the first time in almost a decade. Sigh...such is life. I wish I could afford to make it to his funeral, but I wasted so much damn money on that worthless vacation that i can't foot the $600.00 plane ticket. I'm glad my mom at least gets to go, and I'm glad he was able to live out his last days in the comfort of his home. It will be weird going to see just my aunt this fall. Bless his heart, he was a good man.
I'm trying my best to be positive, bu it's really hard. I have so much shit going on with my family, money woes and my own health, which has been a great source of stress lately. Lets just say my body feels like it's aged 20 years in the past two months. Both my mom and my aunt developed arthritis when they were my age, and I'm definitely feeling it. My knees, back, hands, neck and shoulders all hurt, all the time, which leads to daily headaches and sometimes nausea. I just hope it gets better when the weather warms up, the cold aggravates all my aches and pains. Insomnia doesn't help, either.
Oh woe is me. On a better note, I've got Ben & Jerry's by my side, and that always helps. I also have the greatest, most patient and understanding boyfriend in the world, and wonderful friends and a loving family. I'm trying to be mindful of my thoughts and remind myself that if I want my situation to be different it's up to me to change it. I can't control everything that happens, but I can control my attitude about it. And I can be healthy again, if I work at it and take care of myself better. (Something I've been slacking on a lot.) So it's not the end of the world, just a roadblock. Roadblock after roadblock, I'll find some way around it, or just blow it the fuck out of my way. I'm thankful I at least have this little blog to sort out my feelings and find support. So thanks in advance, haha.
Hope all is well. Send me some good vibes.
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*good vibes good vibes good vibes*
A highschool teacher gave me this because she felt I had a bad attitude(she was right).
I have this attched to my computer screen Its by Charles Swindnoll, Attitude
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude , to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one thing we have, and that is our attitude...i am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes."