*warning: meaningless rant. read on only if you're bored.*
damn, i feel like shit. i just got in an argument with bo (he's at work and called on his break). actually, i never really ARGUE with him, cause he just sits there and doesn't say anything back.
he called when i was at the computer which i fucking HATE anyway... i have to get up, manuever all over the God damned house to get to the next room (clutter and my pets are HUGE obsticles in a 600 sq ft hole-in-the-wall)... all in a matter of 3 fucking seconds. the WORST is when i get there and the fucker on the other line already hung up.
my phone is a piece of shit and statics like CrAzY if i move an inch so I hafta fucking stand there, not moving just to hear him.
I am so fucking stressed out about the kid shit right now. plus, we should be deciding on a place this week (date drastically bumped up since the kids were taken away from my sister), AND I have my 6 month evaluation at work next week. I just feel like i'm doing everything by myself. my sister in tampa was supposed to be taking the kids but it's hard for her to get them back and forth to school since she lives like 45 minutes away, so they've been staying here. They're not supposed to be staying here (so says the case worker) cause my place is way too small. I agree completely, but what the fuck are we gonna do, have Jen drive to and fro every single school day to drop them off? then, drive here when she gets off at 7pm, pick up the kids from after school care (which starts charging $1/minute per child after 6pm) and drive back to tampa? the court system is so fucked i swear.
so me and bo were talking. i brought up how not too much longer after we move, he'd be moving out (cause we already said we were gonna break up but neither of us can afford it right now.) for the life of me i can not fucking understand our finances. together, we make like $30/hour and we basically live paycheck-to-paycheck. where the fuck are we going wrong??? ugh, anyway, so he gets into the fact that i told him before that i didn't love him. not in a mean way (if that's possible), but just as a matter of fact. i can't help the way i feel or don't feel. he's a good boyfriend, but we're on different pages. he wants to be married and have a kid by the time he's 30, and i don't want kids. he LOVES the outdoors, i can't stand anything that he likes doing. we basically have nothing in common, at all! he's very laid back and i'm a very very tightly wound ball of stress. (or just a drama queen if you want to be mean about it.) i don't want to hurt his feelings. i care about him. i think about him a lot, and he really is a good boyfriend. but, when i think about my future, it's just that... MY future. I don't really see him in any kind of plans of mine. that's how i know he's not the one. how the fuck do you tell somebody something like that after 3 years and not be a total bitch?
with all the shit going on, i just want to say "fuck it" and leave. or just go to sleep and wake up when the shit settles. there are soo many people out there with problems so much worse than mine, how come i can't handle it? poor bo, he has to put up with my wrath.
i have so much shit to do. since the kids are at my sister's from now until tuesday afternoon, me and bo are going to look at places tomorrow and make a decision. if he doesn't like it, too fucking bad. i'm tired of looking at place after place, making phone call after phone call. we've been looking for a place to live for over a year on-and-off. i also have to start packing shit up. i hate packing, but i take the easy way out... throw EVERYTHING in a box and leave it for so long I forget what the hell is in there. then when i look through it, i'm like... "OOH! I remember that!"
ooh, dane cook has a show in Boston on APril 15. muthafucka! i want to go sooooo bad. i've been to Boston twice on mini-vacation and would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see him do a show in his hometime. but, alas, it is a week before my sisters wedding and i can't go off and leave, especially when i'm as broke as i am. also making it impossible, i'm, almost positive i'll have the kids.
i fucking HATE HATE HATE being an adult. not only am i gonna die young, but i'm gonna have a full fucking head of gray hair.
pardon any typos.
damn, i feel like shit. i just got in an argument with bo (he's at work and called on his break). actually, i never really ARGUE with him, cause he just sits there and doesn't say anything back.
he called when i was at the computer which i fucking HATE anyway... i have to get up, manuever all over the God damned house to get to the next room (clutter and my pets are HUGE obsticles in a 600 sq ft hole-in-the-wall)... all in a matter of 3 fucking seconds. the WORST is when i get there and the fucker on the other line already hung up.
my phone is a piece of shit and statics like CrAzY if i move an inch so I hafta fucking stand there, not moving just to hear him.
I am so fucking stressed out about the kid shit right now. plus, we should be deciding on a place this week (date drastically bumped up since the kids were taken away from my sister), AND I have my 6 month evaluation at work next week. I just feel like i'm doing everything by myself. my sister in tampa was supposed to be taking the kids but it's hard for her to get them back and forth to school since she lives like 45 minutes away, so they've been staying here. They're not supposed to be staying here (so says the case worker) cause my place is way too small. I agree completely, but what the fuck are we gonna do, have Jen drive to and fro every single school day to drop them off? then, drive here when she gets off at 7pm, pick up the kids from after school care (which starts charging $1/minute per child after 6pm) and drive back to tampa? the court system is so fucked i swear.
so me and bo were talking. i brought up how not too much longer after we move, he'd be moving out (cause we already said we were gonna break up but neither of us can afford it right now.) for the life of me i can not fucking understand our finances. together, we make like $30/hour and we basically live paycheck-to-paycheck. where the fuck are we going wrong??? ugh, anyway, so he gets into the fact that i told him before that i didn't love him. not in a mean way (if that's possible), but just as a matter of fact. i can't help the way i feel or don't feel. he's a good boyfriend, but we're on different pages. he wants to be married and have a kid by the time he's 30, and i don't want kids. he LOVES the outdoors, i can't stand anything that he likes doing. we basically have nothing in common, at all! he's very laid back and i'm a very very tightly wound ball of stress. (or just a drama queen if you want to be mean about it.) i don't want to hurt his feelings. i care about him. i think about him a lot, and he really is a good boyfriend. but, when i think about my future, it's just that... MY future. I don't really see him in any kind of plans of mine. that's how i know he's not the one. how the fuck do you tell somebody something like that after 3 years and not be a total bitch?
with all the shit going on, i just want to say "fuck it" and leave. or just go to sleep and wake up when the shit settles. there are soo many people out there with problems so much worse than mine, how come i can't handle it? poor bo, he has to put up with my wrath.
i have so much shit to do. since the kids are at my sister's from now until tuesday afternoon, me and bo are going to look at places tomorrow and make a decision. if he doesn't like it, too fucking bad. i'm tired of looking at place after place, making phone call after phone call. we've been looking for a place to live for over a year on-and-off. i also have to start packing shit up. i hate packing, but i take the easy way out... throw EVERYTHING in a box and leave it for so long I forget what the hell is in there. then when i look through it, i'm like... "OOH! I remember that!"
ooh, dane cook has a show in Boston on APril 15. muthafucka! i want to go sooooo bad. i've been to Boston twice on mini-vacation and would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see him do a show in his hometime. but, alas, it is a week before my sisters wedding and i can't go off and leave, especially when i'm as broke as i am. also making it impossible, i'm, almost positive i'll have the kids.
i fucking HATE HATE HATE being an adult. not only am i gonna die young, but i'm gonna have a full fucking head of gray hair.
pardon any typos.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
djdragyn:
wow i started to read that and got confused and upset at the same time. i hope your ok. cheer up if its possible. 
emelyn:
thanks, guys! sometimes i just get in these moods. then i have some chocolate and i'm allll better. :::sigh:::