I'm miserable...still sick and missing Minneapolis. Its raining here. Which is actually nice -- except then they issue flash flood warnings and the people act like maniacs because they don't know how to drive in rain??????? It seems absurd to me ... but then I come from the land of snow and frigid cold. And its partly that I miss the Minnie apple...and that I miss more who is there. And I am here. Here...locked into this hell hole because the state of Minnesota thinks that art education is expendable and I'm not officially qualified to do another profession. Maybe I should go back to school...but to do what??? Besides, I really like my job and my kids are great...its just being here. Or is it being here alone? I'm afraid that I am idealizing Minneapolis and my time there because I am so lonely here. But it feels like home there and here...like I am just skating along on the surface of what may be the most disgusting enviornment known to man.
I miss painting. I can feel the urge to dive into a canvas but I don't have the time or the energy. My job is sucking all of the motivation for personal expression. I spend all of my time assuring the success of 200 students ... 3/4 of whom don't really care but are willing to go along for the ride. My mom says that it is worth it for the few that it really matters to. And I do believe her...but selfishly I have to wonder...what about me??? And the things in my head that need to be released? How long are they supposed to wait? And if I wait too long, will they subside turning into little globs of gum like substance...too stubborn to disintigrate but still sticking to the inside of my mind?
Maybe its just all of the cough medicine making me dizzy. I think that I will take a nap -- but I do miss him...and myself.
I miss painting. I can feel the urge to dive into a canvas but I don't have the time or the energy. My job is sucking all of the motivation for personal expression. I spend all of my time assuring the success of 200 students ... 3/4 of whom don't really care but are willing to go along for the ride. My mom says that it is worth it for the few that it really matters to. And I do believe her...but selfishly I have to wonder...what about me??? And the things in my head that need to be released? How long are they supposed to wait? And if I wait too long, will they subside turning into little globs of gum like substance...too stubborn to disintigrate but still sticking to the inside of my mind?
Maybe its just all of the cough medicine making me dizzy. I think that I will take a nap -- but I do miss him...and myself.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
wheezy_e:
Welcome to Vegas, sorry to hear you're not liking it. I'm not too surprised though. There is a lot to like about the desert if you can get out of town occasionally. If the city gets to be unbearable make the kids paint in the manner of Bosche. Give grades based upon the number of severed body parts they incorporate into a picture. And work on a maniacle laugh. By the way, people here just don't know how to drive that's all. It's been raining a lot lately, but it's the same when the sun's out. Don't let anyone merge, it's a sign of weakness.
wheezy_e:
YAY! I made a new freind 
What grade do you teach? About the things in your head, it probably isn't good to get into the habit of keeping them inside if your goal is to be productive with them, but I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new. I've always assumed that practice and discipline are more important than inspiration. But that's advice coming from somebody who's never been very artistically inclined, or at least never productive. It's gotta help somewhat if you surround youself with creative people, which can be pretty difficult here. Have you gone to a first friday? I'm not very up on happenings & hangouts, but that might be a good place to make some friends. Hang in there.
What grade do you teach? About the things in your head, it probably isn't good to get into the habit of keeping them inside if your goal is to be productive with them, but I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new. I've always assumed that practice and discipline are more important than inspiration. But that's advice coming from somebody who's never been very artistically inclined, or at least never productive. It's gotta help somewhat if you surround youself with creative people, which can be pretty difficult here. Have you gone to a first friday? I'm not very up on happenings & hangouts, but that might be a good place to make some friends. Hang in there.