ember

A new post, almost a month later. Huzzah!

So...I finished up my second last quarter to school. The results? All A's and an A- on my demo reel. THANK GOD. I may post some samples from it on here once I fix up a few things...the profs tore it apart and I was really shocked when they concluded I should get an A-. Well, whatever. It works for me. Hopefully it gets me a job once I graduate from this shit hole.

So, I have the next couple of weeks off. I beat Mario Galaxy yesterday and finished the fourth installment of Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" (I highly recommend it). I also went home with Steve to visit my family. It is ungodly cold and snowy in upstate New York. I was lucky enough to show up on the weekend when we had a severe snowstorm warning. Sure enough about 3 feet of snow came down in a single day, and on Saturday night we lost power and played Rummikub by candlelight.

My next set is now in queue so it should be up any day now.

Man, Christmas is almost here. You know, maybe I've mentioned this in one of my other December entries but I never had Christmas growing up. I didn't even have Chanukah. In fact, I didn't have shit. I used to be very jealous of other children in school when we'd all get back from winter break and they'd all start telling me about the awesome gifts they got for Christmas and they asked me what I got, and I said, "Nothing, I don't celebrate Christmas." Around Christmas time, in music class, everyone else in my class would sing Christmas carols together. During this time, I had to go to the nurse's office and spend my time drawing, because I wasn't allowed to sing Christmas carols. Naturally I drew pictures of Santa's sleigh exploding and the fiery remnants of would-be gifts raining down on some sleeping town, or of Rudolph getting shot dead by a hunter. Indeed, very bitter and envious was I around this time of year, and pretty much at every holiday. I didn't even get to go trick-or-treating for the first time until I was 13 when it was no longer cool. Well, it sure was fucking cool to me.

Anyway, the point of all my bitching and moaning is, for the last seven years or so my parents are all about Christmas (but they call it "Kid's Day" so they don't have to feel guilty). Now I get to go to one of my sister's houses every year and watch my nieces and nephew get tons of Christmas gifts from my parents. I used to be jealous for a little while, but now I'm not any longer. Just because I was deprived of something as a child doesn't mean anyone else should be. I buy them gifts every year and have a long-standing record of being the aunt that buys the coolest gifts. This is going to sound really cheesy but I think I prefer getting other people gifts than receiving them.

Which brings me to my next Christmas related topic. Part of me wishes I still didn't have Christmas, because I've come to see what a huge pain in the ass it is. I kind of miss the old days when nobody got me anything and I wasn't expected to get anyone else anything. It made things easy. No crazy holiday shopping that involved fighting other people for the last toy on the shelf, no spending tons of money on gifts that your kids will probably forget they have in a week or two anyway, no having to listen to annoying Christmas carols on the radio. And no murdering of innocent pine trees just to dress it up like some fucked up carnival ride.

Though I do enjoy doing things for others, I hate having to do it at a specified time. What is the point? If you really love someone, you'll get them a gift because you want to, not because you have to out of some stupid ritual. I hate the fact that I'm poor, because people have started getting me gifts every year and now I feel obligated to do the same or else I'll look like a complete asshole, but I really can't afford it. I barely make my rent sometimes, how am I supposed to afford GOOD gifts for people? Sure I could just go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of retarded trinkets, but in my opinion that's worse than getting nothing. Because then you have to fake being happy with a gift that obviously is total crap and throw it out when you get home.

So now I have to buy all these presents for people (luckily in my own family I'm only expected to buy gifts for my three nieces and two nephews, relatively cheap) and I still have no idea what they want or how huge of a dent it's going to put in my bank account. I kept telling people that I don't want anything for Christmas, but I know they're going to get me something anyway and I'll look like a jerk if I don't have something for them. Can't we just, I don't know, cancel Christmas this year and go out drinking for a night instead?

Bah humbug.