"And then you just push your baby round the U-bend"
Birthing classes started this week. Having taken my mother for support we managed to spend the whole hour and a half in hysterics at my ridiculous midwife and her knitted vagina. Phrases such as "Janine, put that hip bone away", "It really will go back to normal afterwards" and "don't worry if you...
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Birthing classes started this week. Having taken my mother for support we managed to spend the whole hour and a half in hysterics at my ridiculous midwife and her knitted vagina. Phrases such as "Janine, put that hip bone away", "It really will go back to normal afterwards" and "don't worry if you...
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VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
harleen:
How are you doing lady?
mat8drb:
Hope the two of you are still good. 
"The truth is that you're a posh spaz"
Banzai ... Place bets now. I'm off for a 4D scan tomorrow so should finally get to find out if baby is a boy or a girl. The wonders of modern technology meant that I get to bring home a DVD of my baby moving about in my innards. They have requested a CD of backing music...
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Banzai ... Place bets now. I'm off for a 4D scan tomorrow so should finally get to find out if baby is a boy or a girl. The wonders of modern technology meant that I get to bring home a DVD of my baby moving about in my innards. They have requested a CD of backing music...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
sickboyedd:
Funny thing is, I was just reading "German, Hairy and Pregnant" magazine and thinking that it somehow felt right, so perhaps your bath time shaving escapades are in vain?
Have you tried Cillit Bang, it gets rid of most things, probably do the hairs too, although I suspect the guy on the advert tried to use it on his balls and now he can only shout to cover up the continual whimpering he emits.
Right, I think I've gained enough pleasure from shaving alternatives, on to bus drivers. Cunty little wisp today on my journey to work played a lovely game of granny bowling. Why are they such tools, if I was a bus driver I'd find something productive/nice to do with my time, like crack or seeing how far I dare drive with my eyes closed.
Have you tried Cillit Bang, it gets rid of most things, probably do the hairs too, although I suspect the guy on the advert tried to use it on his balls and now he can only shout to cover up the continual whimpering he emits.
Right, I think I've gained enough pleasure from shaving alternatives, on to bus drivers. Cunty little wisp today on my journey to work played a lovely game of granny bowling. Why are they such tools, if I was a bus driver I'd find something productive/nice to do with my time, like crack or seeing how far I dare drive with my eyes closed.
harleen:
Shit sounds like you've been getting a raw deal. Fucking doctors are useless.
Boy or girl???? Did you find out?
Boy or girl???? Did you find out?
"Insert your own fucking funny quote here"
I simply don't have the time. I've suddenly got three weeks until completion of my house sale and currently have nowhere to go. I'm a tad stressed out. Not to mention large. I could do with having a brother with the strength and size of Sloth to help me move my furniture. Not that lifting sofa beds down...
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I simply don't have the time. I've suddenly got three weeks until completion of my house sale and currently have nowhere to go. I'm a tad stressed out. Not to mention large. I could do with having a brother with the strength and size of Sloth to help me move my furniture. Not that lifting sofa beds down...
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VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
theruiner:
Thanks for the happy thoughts 
Glad you managed to find a new place. Dont let the bastards wear you down.
Take care of yourself
Glad you managed to find a new place. Dont let the bastards wear you down.
Take care of yourself
badams:
sooo... on our monkey island convo earlier.
I had to ring up this american dude today - his name was "Chuck Wood"
all i wanted to ask him was how much wood he could chuck, if he could chuck wood
I had to ring up this american dude today - his name was "Chuck Wood"
all i wanted to ask him was how much wood he could chuck, if he could chuck wood
Oooooh Level three should we call Jack Bauer?
Dylan Moran was (of course) fucking excellent. My only major criticism is that it didnt last anywhere near long enough and was a bit parent-tastic. That and the guy sat next to me was a grade A tosser. He was overdoing his humorous response to the show as his girlfriend had bought him the ticket. I really...
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Dylan Moran was (of course) fucking excellent. My only major criticism is that it didnt last anywhere near long enough and was a bit parent-tastic. That and the guy sat next to me was a grade A tosser. He was overdoing his humorous response to the show as his girlfriend had bought him the ticket. I really...
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VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
badams:
kids of the 80s eh? will kids today know how to cross a ravine with a chicken with a pulley? or how to make gun powder out of things in a ship? or how to, in times of crisis... just go "USE crowbar WITH rope. USE crowbar with tree, use crowbar with lizard" until something works.
my brother bloodhound reckons hes done monkey island 3, i dont believe him. i got the 3D one and it was shit.
did you ever get the 24 game? is it worth getting??
PS - your tummy looks HUGE - so glad i aint gotta push that through any of my bits
my brother bloodhound reckons hes done monkey island 3, i dont believe him. i got the 3D one and it was shit.
did you ever get the 24 game? is it worth getting??
PS - your tummy looks HUGE - so glad i aint gotta push that through any of my bits
klair:
hey chick, hows it going?
Did you hear about Deborah? She was out all day drinking heroin out of a hot water bottle. She fell down onto a burning sword and exploded into a million bits and then she was attacked by these two tiny dwarves made entirely out of celery and spider sperm, and they were throwing this big tin foil otter that theyd stolen off a bus full...
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VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
sickboyedd:
So, did Dylan accept your inevitable proposal?
Did you see that A-Team reunion thing with the annoying beardy guy on E4? Seeing Jewellery man again was worth it alone. I forgot how much of a blokey series it really was, it was basically Jackass with a plot.
Did you see that A-Team reunion thing with the annoying beardy guy on E4? Seeing Jewellery man again was worth it alone. I forgot how much of a blokey series it really was, it was basically Jackass with a plot.
foralways:
We saw David Gray in Cucamara on Saturday. Well someone who looked like a rough version of him anyway.
I think you should conduct this test, although yes, accidents would probably be a-plenty.
I think you should conduct this test, although yes, accidents would probably be a-plenty.
"I used to be a homosexual but I had to give it up"
Ok, so I'm just a bit confused. I currently have no working phone line to my house and both my modems have been packed away in a box since February. I do, however, appear to be picking up someone elses wireless box. Wooooo hoooo. Not only am I back but it's free!...
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Ok, so I'm just a bit confused. I currently have no working phone line to my house and both my modems have been packed away in a box since February. I do, however, appear to be picking up someone elses wireless box. Wooooo hoooo. Not only am I back but it's free!...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
saffa:
you should definatly go get some nerds
you know you want to 
you know you want to
mat8drb:
Yeah, I'm sure that single pregnant women have all the time in the world in which to take things easy.
People should offer to help instead.
People should offer to help instead.
"It's like posting a big parcel ... you just squidge it then shove it in"
That was one "experts" advice on breastfeeding.
I'm back! I've been stuck at home being all ill and stuff, surrounded by boxes and with no internet connection. Feck arse. This does of course mean that this entry is very much inspired by the insane ramblings of daytime TV. Apologies in...
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That was one "experts" advice on breastfeeding.
I'm back! I've been stuck at home being all ill and stuff, surrounded by boxes and with no internet connection. Feck arse. This does of course mean that this entry is very much inspired by the insane ramblings of daytime TV. Apologies in...
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VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
clearbrightfire:
haha your journal is fantastic! It makes me a bit sad though to see rennie and remember how amazing seeing alex was..its weird to imagine that thing that smiles up at me every morning was the same thing that used to like sticking his foot under my ribs
lauralily:
Yeah it probably would actually 
but nevermind you will have something wonderful to show for it!
but nevermind you will have something wonderful to show for it!"Who brings spankables out to the desert?"
I will attempt this week to buy a battery for my digital camera. I need to update my very out of date profile picture. For my own sanity of course. It would be that I'm vain but when you've hit the point where you can no longer see your feet you start to avoid mirrors!
Top three as...
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I will attempt this week to buy a battery for my digital camera. I need to update my very out of date profile picture. For my own sanity of course. It would be that I'm vain but when you've hit the point where you can no longer see your feet you start to avoid mirrors!
Top three as...
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VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
iversen:
I've returned... Just thought I'd drop by and see how things were going with you.
Hope all is well.
Hope all is well.
mat8drb:
Still internet-less?
Hope everything is going well.
Hope everything is going well.
"You will be offered the opportunity to look at your placenta if you wish as it remains your property until you say otherwise"
This is by far the best thing I've read in any pregnancy book to date. I'm wondering if I can take it into Thorntons, get it iced (as you do with Easter Eggs) with the words "cock fucking ass abuser" then post...
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This is by far the best thing I've read in any pregnancy book to date. I'm wondering if I can take it into Thorntons, get it iced (as you do with Easter Eggs) with the words "cock fucking ass abuser" then post...
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VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
foralways:
thank you. 
We're not at school now lady, less of the embarassing playground rhymes!
We already know you've got the embarassing capabilities down. You'll make a great mum.
We're not at school now lady, less of the embarassing playground rhymes!
We already know you've got the embarassing capabilities down. You'll make a great mum.
complicity:
Yeah, i could feel my soul dying a little more every second i was in there! But there really wasn't a lot of choice. In my defense it was the only one without a load of orange bints falling out of it!
"You're pinching my arm skin"
If you haven't watched Dead Mans Shoes go rent it/buy it today ... it's awesome.
I'm in a bad mood so I'll apologise in advance. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike being treated like a dickhead, I just happen to hate it. Hopefully probability will dictate that the week can only get better?
Top 5 things that...
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If you haven't watched Dead Mans Shoes go rent it/buy it today ... it's awesome.
I'm in a bad mood so I'll apologise in advance. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike being treated like a dickhead, I just happen to hate it. Hopefully probability will dictate that the week can only get better?
Top 5 things that...
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VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
someoneuk:
Powergen, are still:
a) coming to grips with the fact that my name isn't the four surnmaes of us all in this house put together as a long string, and
b) the people who owe you money screwed off suspiciously to Cyprus last August.
I think they're angling at a 'we pay up', I get the right name on the bill conclusion. I think they can fuck off.
What's the deal with their Maternity arrangements? That's a crock of shit. Crappy company...
a) coming to grips with the fact that my name isn't the four surnmaes of us all in this house put together as a long string, and
b) the people who owe you money screwed off suspiciously to Cyprus last August.
I think they're angling at a 'we pay up', I get the right name on the bill conclusion. I think they can fuck off.
What's the deal with their Maternity arrangements? That's a crock of shit. Crappy company...
mooj:
fuck faced fuckers, when your bump becomes a baby instead of just a bump, you should become a superheroe vigilante fighting for justice and equal rights for working mothers and your bump can be your super cute little side kick, a bit like scrappydoo, but swears more
personally I think all movies right now are a piece of shite, Gus Van Sant has a lot to answer for ...minimalistic cunt
love you
personally I think all movies right now are a piece of shite, Gus Van Sant has a lot to answer for ...minimalistic cunt
love you