"Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze"
- Van Wilder
I think we'll start with a summary of both good and bad points from the last few weeks;
Bad Points
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
* College - it was quite frankly a bag of wank, and my fellow students were mostly inbred under achieving farm hands who would have pissed me off on a daily basis .......so that was promptly fucked right off.
** Finances - the evil moustached witch at the Citizens Advice Bureau (and I use the term 'advice' in its broadest form) advised me to claim Bankruptcy, get a shitty job and forget about ever going to University. After laughing in her face in the most impolite way I could muster that suggestion got filed in my brain in a place marked "things that are never going to happen". Needless to point out that things are rather dire on the financial front at the moment.
*** The mother fucking CSA - or more pointedly the mother chasing CSA. They've finally made an appointment to come round and question me about my reasons for not applying for child maintenance from the Impregnator. I would rather be repeatedly ass raped by diseased angry donkeys than ever have to talk through the details of my relationship with the Impregnator, and therefore my reasons for not involving him in my childs life. Unfortunately I don't exactly get a choice in the matter as they will quite happily cut the 55 a week we're supposedly able to live on down to fuck knows what. Can't wait.
Good points
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
♥
Little Miss E's first birthday - it's now exactly a week until the big day and I'm more excited by this one event than I have been about anything for as long as I can remember. Honestly, it's bloody ridiculous quite how excited I am. I just CANNOT WAIT to see her face when she's faced with a mountain of presents, balloons and cake. Amongst her presents is a
Wheely Bug Bee which I'm very upset doesn't come in a size for me as it's fucking awesome. It's a bee ON CASTORS which I'm sure is asking for trouble but will be a cock load of fun regardless. This has also prompted me to get all creative and there will be a rather fabulous bee cake. I knew that A in GCSE Art would come in useful one day.
♥♥
The Open University - Having explored the option of college I made the decision to jump straight into a degree, and so am doing the first year of my science degree through the OU this year. Trying to fit this into my life at the moment is pure lunacy, but keeping my brain active is keeping me smiling, and it's all getting me closer to my end goal ......... SPICEWORLD
♥♥♥
Lincoln - As inbred and backwards as it may be, and despite it's many many flaws I actually love it. It's all about steep hill, its boutiques, its history, the constant throng of tourists, the beautiful pubs that smell of hanging baskets and quality real ales, basically everything that makes it Lincoln just without the small minded web handed cabbage smelling local folk.
This whole parenting business has suddenly gotten 78475764 times more exciting, and the endless stream of feed/change/sleep/repeat has been replaced with fun and constant silliness.
The top five of parenting an almost one year old (in pictures);
(1) If it's not fixed to the floor it will be moved and most probably hidden
I feel like I'm living in a midget version of Supermarket Sweep. The trolley gets filled with various things that she finds around the house, they then get walked about for a bit and hidden. Little Miss E is also becoming more adventurous with her theft attempts, and can often be seen trying to break into the fridge, stealing the rim block from the toilet having prised the lid open, and taking the batteries out of EVERYTHING within reach.
(2) Why sit when you can walk?
Little Miss E got her first pair of shoes this week. No, it's not that I'm a tight arse that's refused to buy her shoes for the last year, it's all to do with the whole walking thing. She is now refusing to go in the pushchair and insists on walking everywhere. The only flaw in her master plan being that she can't actually walk unaided yet, and she still needs/wants to have a finger to hold onto. After an afternoon of half bending helping her move at a snails pace I have some serious fucking backache. It is simply mesmerising watching her interact with her environment for the very first time, touching things she's not been able to reach before and seeing the world from a new perspective. But still ........ my back HURTS.
(3) Hide and seek
My child really will hide anywhere, and the more bizarre the place the funnier she finds it. This one amused me, but the funniest has to be her hiding under an overturned washing basket yesterday - did anyone else play Mousetrap as a kid? Hilarious.
(4) Putting the child to work
She doesn't know any better, and so what is to stop her finding boring daily tasks fun? Little Miss E is now a pro at emptying the washing maching, unpacking the shopping and answering the phone. With any luck I should have her cooking the dinner, doing my Uni work and paying her own way by her second birthday.
(5) The toys are fantastic
It's a battery powered Batmobile, need I say more? WRITE THAT DOWN.
This next week is all about Jared Leto and Jack Bauer ....... possibly at the same time ....... now that would be cool.
"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super"
Is it wrong that I am feeling so jealous I want to call her terrible names despite the innocence?
I'm okay. I drank the stress away yesterday and am back to just being stressed enough to be annoyed but still function like a normal human being. I think it's just a combination of working too hard this week, not sleeping enough, despising the company I work for, a desire to throw a bomb into our house mate's room and personal issues that are probably not going to last very much longer. It was a shitty week but the last straw yesterday was no reason for me to cry. It was ridiculous and now I'm just really embarrassed by it.
Meh.
i might go watch that film now.. (again)!