"What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude"
12 days to go ....
Things have been less than eventful in the Elysia household. I've been bored to the point where I've been cooking, and if that doesn't scare the little one enough to encourage her to make an exit nothing will. I'm going to clear out the garage today, how fucking exciting is that?
Top five celebrities I'd like to have at the birth;
(1) Steve Irwin
His running commentary would be second to none. It would also be nice to know that if the baby gets into any problems in the birth canal there would be no need or forceps or the such lke. Nah, Steve would be in there face first to rescue the little blighter.
(2) Gillian Mckeith
Her presence would merely serve to add to my sense of achievement once the little one has arrived. As soon as they've weighed the baby I'd fully expect Gillian to wheel in a trolley filled with the same weight in cheese. A sturdy cheddar maybe. It'd be awesome to see the equivalent weight in cheese that I've just pushed out of my cervix.
(3) Dylan Moran
Not only would he take my mind off the birth but he's an oracle when it comes to children and parenting;
"Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear."
"You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'" "Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!"
"You watch your small child walking around with a plug looking for jam,
Me: What are you doing?
Child: Looking for jam
Me: Why?
Child: Because I'm making plug jam, don't ask stupid fucking questions!"
(4) Gordon Ramsay
It would be nice to have someone to keep the midwives in check. Having Gordon running around (in his whites) shouting fuck at my health care providers would provide me with a sense of calm. Great motivational tool. You call that a fucking push?
(5) Jack Bauer
Plain and simple. As well as being nice to look at, his life is lived in 24hr segments. This would inevitably mean that the birth would start and be over within a 24 hour period. Sounds fucking excellent to me. If he happens to have a lot on it could have a shelf life of a few hours. Can't argue with that.
"This isn't 'Nam, this is bowling ... there are rules"
12 days to go ....
Things have been less than eventful in the Elysia household. I've been bored to the point where I've been cooking, and if that doesn't scare the little one enough to encourage her to make an exit nothing will. I'm going to clear out the garage today, how fucking exciting is that?
Top five celebrities I'd like to have at the birth;
(1) Steve Irwin
His running commentary would be second to none. It would also be nice to know that if the baby gets into any problems in the birth canal there would be no need or forceps or the such lke. Nah, Steve would be in there face first to rescue the little blighter.
(2) Gillian Mckeith
Her presence would merely serve to add to my sense of achievement once the little one has arrived. As soon as they've weighed the baby I'd fully expect Gillian to wheel in a trolley filled with the same weight in cheese. A sturdy cheddar maybe. It'd be awesome to see the equivalent weight in cheese that I've just pushed out of my cervix.
(3) Dylan Moran
Not only would he take my mind off the birth but he's an oracle when it comes to children and parenting;
"Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear."
"You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'" "Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!"
"You watch your small child walking around with a plug looking for jam,
Me: What are you doing?
Child: Looking for jam
Me: Why?
Child: Because I'm making plug jam, don't ask stupid fucking questions!"
(4) Gordon Ramsay
It would be nice to have someone to keep the midwives in check. Having Gordon running around (in his whites) shouting fuck at my health care providers would provide me with a sense of calm. Great motivational tool. You call that a fucking push?
(5) Jack Bauer
Plain and simple. As well as being nice to look at, his life is lived in 24hr segments. This would inevitably mean that the birth would start and be over within a 24 hour period. Sounds fucking excellent to me. If he happens to have a lot on it could have a shelf life of a few hours. Can't argue with that.
"This isn't 'Nam, this is bowling ... there are rules"
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
you may wanna get some ice in though - cant imagine itd be nice at mammory temperature
I always find it funny when soap operas do a cull. It is never pretty, always funny.