"My wife was like all women ... strange and evil"
Mwahaha another day of SG, I sense I may get too cocky and cry when it all goes wrong!
It's sunny again yay! Being unable to find my prescription sunglasses and being too lazy to sort out my contacts I keep inevitably ending up wandering around town half blind in huge shades. If I walk past you and don't say hello it's probably that I don't like you and is completely unrelated to my blindness.
The top five for Week 14
(1) Retiring piercings
I've finally admitted to myself that my eyebrow was growing out and removed it yesterday. I'm now very very sad at the loss. It's like a part of me is missing. Boooooooo to stupid rejecting piercings. Boooooooo cock ass ant foreskin flicker.
(2) My midwife is an idiot
I genuinely believe her to have an IQ of 12 and am waiting for the day that I show up for an appointment, and she tells me how many weeks it is until the stork arrives with my baby wrapped in a blanket. I wonder if the QMC have a helipad or if I'm supposed to meet it outside the front entrance?
Despite her telling me that she wouldn't be able to find the babys heartbeat yesterday (then why are we trying, put the Doppler away crazy Spanish woman) there it was. Mwahahaha. Evem I knew that and I've only read a few magazines. There is no way she is getting anywhere near my vagina. Not a chance.
(3) This is for the people of Nottingham
I was lucky enough to be witness to a really nasty attack last week in the shopping centre in the middle of the day. It had looked like a play fight to start off with then ultimately turned into something a lot more deadly. Funnily enough no-one helped. What I actually mean is that no men helped. That dismisses your bystander apathy theories immediately. There's a guy on the floor bleeding profusely with his hood up while two guys are kicking him in the face. A few women try to intervene and get battered. The victim then struggles to get up and someone smashes his head into the wall actually denting the wall (Glasshouse St entrance Victoria Centre, next time you're passing just imagine what that was like). The pub bouncer instinct in me is raring to split it up but the idea of any harm to the baby keeps me standing where I am. My sister calls the police and an ambulance as it ends, and people scatter, carelessly stepping over the bleeding man with their shopping. Oh how I love the city.
(4) The police are having a laugh
So we've just witnessed a violent attack and been the ones to call the police and we're now standing waiting for them. Considering the attackers sped off to St Anns this is already looking like a stupid idea. When the police do finally arrive (it takes a long time to get there from 3 streets away where their HQ is based) they take statements. They asked two questions; Did you get a good look? AND; Would you like to come on a ride around of St Anns to see if you can identify them? It's the funniest thing I've heard for ages.
(5) The house sale
I've been haggling because I'm awkward and am still waiting to hear the definite price and agreement. Keep your fingers crossed for me as I'm still waiting to get the final verdict on the talky stick.
In other news, the impregnator is still being an arse. I hope it's not genetic. I wish Jack Bauer would go kick his ass .... Oh and here is my review of 'Hostel' - paaaaaa!
"I span the genres ... I'm a genre spanner"
Mwahaha another day of SG, I sense I may get too cocky and cry when it all goes wrong!
It's sunny again yay! Being unable to find my prescription sunglasses and being too lazy to sort out my contacts I keep inevitably ending up wandering around town half blind in huge shades. If I walk past you and don't say hello it's probably that I don't like you and is completely unrelated to my blindness.
The top five for Week 14
(1) Retiring piercings
I've finally admitted to myself that my eyebrow was growing out and removed it yesterday. I'm now very very sad at the loss. It's like a part of me is missing. Boooooooo to stupid rejecting piercings. Boooooooo cock ass ant foreskin flicker.
(2) My midwife is an idiot
I genuinely believe her to have an IQ of 12 and am waiting for the day that I show up for an appointment, and she tells me how many weeks it is until the stork arrives with my baby wrapped in a blanket. I wonder if the QMC have a helipad or if I'm supposed to meet it outside the front entrance?
Despite her telling me that she wouldn't be able to find the babys heartbeat yesterday (then why are we trying, put the Doppler away crazy Spanish woman) there it was. Mwahahaha. Evem I knew that and I've only read a few magazines. There is no way she is getting anywhere near my vagina. Not a chance.
(3) This is for the people of Nottingham
I was lucky enough to be witness to a really nasty attack last week in the shopping centre in the middle of the day. It had looked like a play fight to start off with then ultimately turned into something a lot more deadly. Funnily enough no-one helped. What I actually mean is that no men helped. That dismisses your bystander apathy theories immediately. There's a guy on the floor bleeding profusely with his hood up while two guys are kicking him in the face. A few women try to intervene and get battered. The victim then struggles to get up and someone smashes his head into the wall actually denting the wall (Glasshouse St entrance Victoria Centre, next time you're passing just imagine what that was like). The pub bouncer instinct in me is raring to split it up but the idea of any harm to the baby keeps me standing where I am. My sister calls the police and an ambulance as it ends, and people scatter, carelessly stepping over the bleeding man with their shopping. Oh how I love the city.
(4) The police are having a laugh
So we've just witnessed a violent attack and been the ones to call the police and we're now standing waiting for them. Considering the attackers sped off to St Anns this is already looking like a stupid idea. When the police do finally arrive (it takes a long time to get there from 3 streets away where their HQ is based) they take statements. They asked two questions; Did you get a good look? AND; Would you like to come on a ride around of St Anns to see if you can identify them? It's the funniest thing I've heard for ages.
(5) The house sale
I've been haggling because I'm awkward and am still waiting to hear the definite price and agreement. Keep your fingers crossed for me as I'm still waiting to get the final verdict on the talky stick.
In other news, the impregnator is still being an arse. I hope it's not genetic. I wish Jack Bauer would go kick his ass .... Oh and here is my review of 'Hostel' - paaaaaa!
"I span the genres ... I'm a genre spanner"
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
If you did help and maybe .. just maybe punched one of the attackers in the face... thats you up for ABH
And you would be amazed at how many baddies are caught with a quick drive around the local scum spot!
camera phones is a good one as well! take some pics of the scum and let the police see.. possibly be able to identify the assailants
I dont think its just Nottingham which is a bit rough.. i grew up and lived in a small town called yeovil in Somerset! lots of violence.. kiddies not being able to hold their drink or drugs! rough as a badgers arse! I now live near Bath! Nice place .. not much trouble!