"People DO bounce back ... Rolf Harris, Dennis Hopper ... there are others"
Open Real Player. Select Browse. Find The OC - Season 3 - Episode 10. Click OK. Sit comfortably. Hit play. Get a 7 minute excerpt from Roccos True Anal Stories 11. Bollocks. Wasn't even any good.
Yesterday was a friends 37th birthday so decided to be polite and pop out for a drink at 2pm. It turned (as it normally does) into an all night / all morning binge drinking session that George Best would be proud of.
Top five moments from Mr Bennetts 37th Birthday;
(1) Being a good Samaritan
Very uncharacteristic indeed. As I popped out of the pub with a friend to go buy more fags I spotted that the old lady in front of us had her skirt partially tucked into her under garments. I'd usually just point and laugh but something compelled me to tell her. So I walk up to her, tap her on the shoulder and say 'Excuse me but you appear to have your skirt tucked in at the back' to which she replies; 'Oh thank you very much, could you sort it out for me?' What is the fucking answer to that question? When a poor elderly old lay on walking sticks is having a waldrobe malfunction and asks you to pull her skirt out of her ANUS what do you say? That's the last fucking good deed I do.
(2) Birthday Cheer
Insisting that the whole bar sings Happy Birthday at least every half an hour is always a good thing. Singing Beatles songs in mono tone whilst in a big group huddle is always a good thing. They are however only good things on other peoples birthdays. Unfortunately after the first eight hours of booze had settled, I decided that beginning to arrange a night out for my birthday was a great idea. By the end of the night I was inviting people I'd never even met before. It's bound to be an interesting night. I will headbutt any fucker that sings to me though. Bastards.
(3) Meeting a new guy
I'd describe him as funny, good listener, attractive ... he described me to be funny, great kisser, very nice boobs. What more can I say? We talked for a few hours and I'm seeing him again tomorrow afternoon. It almost forgives the fact that I missed The Mighty Boosh again. Wish me luck.
(4) The Hangover
I was supposed to have a meeting at 9am but having finished drinking only a few hours before I decided to postpone til 3pm. The only problem was that when me and my friend Daniel made it into town in the afternoon it didn't take long to realise that we were both still hammered. Stood at the cash machine Daniel suggests that we should have an argument. Taking the cue I started proclaiming rather loudly that he's slept with my sister and asking why he did it? This started a hilariously ridiculous argument involving various family members, pets, food products etc etc while a large proportion of the public stared in disbelief. I'd highly suggest it. I've always wondered where I'd ever get to use the phrase "I'll only get back with you if you stop ass fucking my sister and you promise to stop trying to put yoyur cock in my favourite Wedgewood Vase. That was an heir loom you wonky cocked bastard" Needless to say ... the meeting was fun.
(5) Odd text messages
If I'm having a night out and somebody tells me something important, I generally save in it my mobile phone in the form of a text message, so that if I forget in the morning I still have the information. I've also found that it also works well for stupid things that people do and funny quotes to embarass them with later. The job the next morning then of course is to look through them and see what memories they bring up. Todays were as follows;
(a) Ovulation test and con-domes. Presents an American got Mr B and the mispronunciation due to his accent.
(b) Daniel always carries at least two pens but never carries a condom. Actually a quote of mine but one that I need to remember to save to write in his birthday card when the time comes.
(c) Smell my gold fish ... no idea at all what this is about. No-one remembers saying anything like that. Can't even figure out what it may be short for?? No idea at all. Made me laugh today anyway.
This week I fully intend to watch the second Season of 24 in one sitting, get some more colours put in my hair and catch up on SG. I've missed some sets and haven't been keeping up to date with anyone. I still love you all, just been busy.
"Susan can you make porn come on my telly?"
Open Real Player. Select Browse. Find The OC - Season 3 - Episode 10. Click OK. Sit comfortably. Hit play. Get a 7 minute excerpt from Roccos True Anal Stories 11. Bollocks. Wasn't even any good.
Yesterday was a friends 37th birthday so decided to be polite and pop out for a drink at 2pm. It turned (as it normally does) into an all night / all morning binge drinking session that George Best would be proud of.
Top five moments from Mr Bennetts 37th Birthday;
(1) Being a good Samaritan
Very uncharacteristic indeed. As I popped out of the pub with a friend to go buy more fags I spotted that the old lady in front of us had her skirt partially tucked into her under garments. I'd usually just point and laugh but something compelled me to tell her. So I walk up to her, tap her on the shoulder and say 'Excuse me but you appear to have your skirt tucked in at the back' to which she replies; 'Oh thank you very much, could you sort it out for me?' What is the fucking answer to that question? When a poor elderly old lay on walking sticks is having a waldrobe malfunction and asks you to pull her skirt out of her ANUS what do you say? That's the last fucking good deed I do.
(2) Birthday Cheer
Insisting that the whole bar sings Happy Birthday at least every half an hour is always a good thing. Singing Beatles songs in mono tone whilst in a big group huddle is always a good thing. They are however only good things on other peoples birthdays. Unfortunately after the first eight hours of booze had settled, I decided that beginning to arrange a night out for my birthday was a great idea. By the end of the night I was inviting people I'd never even met before. It's bound to be an interesting night. I will headbutt any fucker that sings to me though. Bastards.
(3) Meeting a new guy
I'd describe him as funny, good listener, attractive ... he described me to be funny, great kisser, very nice boobs. What more can I say? We talked for a few hours and I'm seeing him again tomorrow afternoon. It almost forgives the fact that I missed The Mighty Boosh again. Wish me luck.
(4) The Hangover
I was supposed to have a meeting at 9am but having finished drinking only a few hours before I decided to postpone til 3pm. The only problem was that when me and my friend Daniel made it into town in the afternoon it didn't take long to realise that we were both still hammered. Stood at the cash machine Daniel suggests that we should have an argument. Taking the cue I started proclaiming rather loudly that he's slept with my sister and asking why he did it? This started a hilariously ridiculous argument involving various family members, pets, food products etc etc while a large proportion of the public stared in disbelief. I'd highly suggest it. I've always wondered where I'd ever get to use the phrase "I'll only get back with you if you stop ass fucking my sister and you promise to stop trying to put yoyur cock in my favourite Wedgewood Vase. That was an heir loom you wonky cocked bastard" Needless to say ... the meeting was fun.
(5) Odd text messages
If I'm having a night out and somebody tells me something important, I generally save in it my mobile phone in the form of a text message, so that if I forget in the morning I still have the information. I've also found that it also works well for stupid things that people do and funny quotes to embarass them with later. The job the next morning then of course is to look through them and see what memories they bring up. Todays were as follows;
(a) Ovulation test and con-domes. Presents an American got Mr B and the mispronunciation due to his accent.
(b) Daniel always carries at least two pens but never carries a condom. Actually a quote of mine but one that I need to remember to save to write in his birthday card when the time comes.
(c) Smell my gold fish ... no idea at all what this is about. No-one remembers saying anything like that. Can't even figure out what it may be short for?? No idea at all. Made me laugh today anyway.
This week I fully intend to watch the second Season of 24 in one sitting, get some more colours put in my hair and catch up on SG. I've missed some sets and haven't been keeping up to date with anyone. I still love you all, just been busy.
"Susan can you make porn come on my telly?"
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
(1)What did you say? Did (3) go well? Must have been a nice guy as you yourself have told us how good your breasts are
Those are some great text messages.