"Unbelievable ... un-bloody believable"
To anyone moaning that they haven't heard from me yet ... I only got back yesterday so cock off!
Over the last ten days I have had the pleasure of visiting the following destinations; Ely, Kings Lynn, Swaffham, Norwich, Norwich Airport, Malaga, Benalmadena, Torremolinos, Fuengirola, Arroya de la miel, Benalmadena pueblo. Torrequebrada and Stanstead Airport.
The holiday did not exactly go as planned.
Top five holiday memories
(1) My dads behaviour
The original plan was to spend the first half of the week on my own whilst he had a weekend with the lads. He ended up spending the whole week with me and managed to get himself into a lot of mischief;
♥ Unwittingly taking me out with the lads who chose to disclose some of their favourite stories, such as the time they came away on their lads weekend and got pepper sprayed in a chinese restaurant. (they're all over 50).
♥ Losing his wallet after a night out on the piss
♥ Deciding that the lost wallet must still be in the bar so driving back down there over the limit to get it. Upon unlocking the car he couldn't get the alarm to stop so drove the whole way there and back with the car alarm going off. The bar was shut.
♥ Tripping over a small child in Malaga Airport in a comedy slow motion way.
♥ Somehow managing to get his trousers stuck on airplane seat whilst trying to depart at Stanstead. Nearly knocked random woman out
♥ Trying to leave luggage at the airport
(2) The major disasters
There were several including the following;
♥ The car not starting (the apartment is way up in the mountains and a fair walk from anywhere)
♥ The hot water not working
♥ Shitty weather. This included gale force winds and the worst thunderstorm to hit Benalmadena in the last 60 years.
♥ No water or power thanks to thunderstorm
♥ Drink fuelled family argument from hell
♥ Being charged a small fortune for having overweight luggage on the flight back
(3) The wedding (?)
Despite having split before Xmas it seems that my dad and step-mum are not only back together but will be getting married in October. I'm so confused?! I do however have to start shopping for a black dress though as I am the best man. As you do. How odd is that? My dad being the king of tact mentioned it casually in the car 2 days after we'd been looking at white dresses. Erm ... hello?
(4) Is my step-mum mental?
Sat having coffee in the marina one morning and she thanks me for putting the towels into wash. I didn't. I'm really not that helpful! She thinks I'm joking so goes on to ask me where I got the green towels from. Dad and I give each other bemused looks as we know that there are no green towels in the apartment.
Finally get back to the apartment and there are no green towels in the washing machine. What we do find in there however are a few blue towels and my pink gloves which had been in my bedroom in my bag? My dad didn't put the washing in. I certainly didn't. She swears that not only was it not her but she's never seen my pink gloves before. It has been a source of amusement for the week. Bless her.
(5) My dads mates
As well as telling me in detail about the porn titles that they had leant to my dad they had me checking dodgy porn DVDs being sold in the pub to see if they looked any good. My dads mates are the people that I used to hate the most in the village I grew up in due to them being gossip queens. They haven't changed. I had the pleasure of being involved in conversations ranging from the service offered by differing high street banks, to the question of why you don't iron testicles. I thought it would get better when the boys went home and my step-mum arrived. Hell no. I will be eternally scarred by the conversation we had about my Aunt Sue. Her and my Uncle have a country house, drink wine, go hunting and are very very straight laced. Well dressed, don't swear etc etc. I will be eternally haunted by the suggestion and subsequent debate about whether they are into S&M and whether or not my Aunt Sue is actually a cake baking Dominatrix. *shudder*
Needless to say that I'm back. Finally. Thank fuck. What an odd holiday.
This week I need to find a new job, get some aggressive house selling started and recover from last week.
"It's volcanised rubber ... won't perish"
To anyone moaning that they haven't heard from me yet ... I only got back yesterday so cock off!
Over the last ten days I have had the pleasure of visiting the following destinations; Ely, Kings Lynn, Swaffham, Norwich, Norwich Airport, Malaga, Benalmadena, Torremolinos, Fuengirola, Arroya de la miel, Benalmadena pueblo. Torrequebrada and Stanstead Airport.
The holiday did not exactly go as planned.
Top five holiday memories
(1) My dads behaviour
The original plan was to spend the first half of the week on my own whilst he had a weekend with the lads. He ended up spending the whole week with me and managed to get himself into a lot of mischief;
♥ Unwittingly taking me out with the lads who chose to disclose some of their favourite stories, such as the time they came away on their lads weekend and got pepper sprayed in a chinese restaurant. (they're all over 50).
♥ Losing his wallet after a night out on the piss
♥ Deciding that the lost wallet must still be in the bar so driving back down there over the limit to get it. Upon unlocking the car he couldn't get the alarm to stop so drove the whole way there and back with the car alarm going off. The bar was shut.
♥ Tripping over a small child in Malaga Airport in a comedy slow motion way.
♥ Somehow managing to get his trousers stuck on airplane seat whilst trying to depart at Stanstead. Nearly knocked random woman out
♥ Trying to leave luggage at the airport
(2) The major disasters
There were several including the following;
♥ The car not starting (the apartment is way up in the mountains and a fair walk from anywhere)
♥ The hot water not working
♥ Shitty weather. This included gale force winds and the worst thunderstorm to hit Benalmadena in the last 60 years.
♥ No water or power thanks to thunderstorm
♥ Drink fuelled family argument from hell
♥ Being charged a small fortune for having overweight luggage on the flight back
(3) The wedding (?)
Despite having split before Xmas it seems that my dad and step-mum are not only back together but will be getting married in October. I'm so confused?! I do however have to start shopping for a black dress though as I am the best man. As you do. How odd is that? My dad being the king of tact mentioned it casually in the car 2 days after we'd been looking at white dresses. Erm ... hello?
(4) Is my step-mum mental?
Sat having coffee in the marina one morning and she thanks me for putting the towels into wash. I didn't. I'm really not that helpful! She thinks I'm joking so goes on to ask me where I got the green towels from. Dad and I give each other bemused looks as we know that there are no green towels in the apartment.
Finally get back to the apartment and there are no green towels in the washing machine. What we do find in there however are a few blue towels and my pink gloves which had been in my bedroom in my bag? My dad didn't put the washing in. I certainly didn't. She swears that not only was it not her but she's never seen my pink gloves before. It has been a source of amusement for the week. Bless her.
(5) My dads mates
As well as telling me in detail about the porn titles that they had leant to my dad they had me checking dodgy porn DVDs being sold in the pub to see if they looked any good. My dads mates are the people that I used to hate the most in the village I grew up in due to them being gossip queens. They haven't changed. I had the pleasure of being involved in conversations ranging from the service offered by differing high street banks, to the question of why you don't iron testicles. I thought it would get better when the boys went home and my step-mum arrived. Hell no. I will be eternally scarred by the conversation we had about my Aunt Sue. Her and my Uncle have a country house, drink wine, go hunting and are very very straight laced. Well dressed, don't swear etc etc. I will be eternally haunted by the suggestion and subsequent debate about whether they are into S&M and whether or not my Aunt Sue is actually a cake baking Dominatrix. *shudder*
Needless to say that I'm back. Finally. Thank fuck. What an odd holiday.
This week I need to find a new job, get some aggressive house selling started and recover from last week.
"It's volcanised rubber ... won't perish"
VIEW 25 of 51 COMMENTS
its definatley not a good idea to iron testiclay...
sorry to hear it turned out shite, but you have too bounce back...
you shouldve hired a canal barge and read a book, maybe got yourself a 40 yr old stunner too ... thatd be a bit wierd.
monkey tennis?
Sounds like your holiday was a memorable one, i think overall that has to be a good thing.
Robot jim has gone
Glad your back