"Don't fuck anybody or you'll die ... never mind ... here comes MC Hammer"
It has occured to me this week that there is a very good reason why I have never owned any of the Series of Black Books on DVD.
There is nothing I want more in the world than to be permanentely glued to a bottle of wine, cigarette in hand, being sarcastically offensive and ultimately random. The month of non drinking does however continue. Bah.
Top five random bollocks of the day;
(1) This is to blame for my mis-spent education.
Three years of sitting in the rest garden with a bottle of cider, a Chemistry textbook, a bag of weed and a bong made out of a coke bottle. Yes three years. Van Wilder wannabe. In hindsight it may have been an idea to occasionally step next door and into the college.
(2) Burning important documents is not a good idea
The only part of my UCAS app left to fill in is the section for my A-level grades. The day I got my results I went down to the castle, got stoned, opened said results, had a laugh at them then set fire to them. Hence I have no idea what my grades were. This factor is made slightly worse when trying to find them out and having to explain why you have no certificates etc.
(3) Virgin Megastore is THE place to shop
Not for the prices. Not for the range of products. For the hotties. Oh yes. Back in the hometown it used to be the number one employer of flirty tattooed guys. Why did I not work this out before? No you didn't have the DVDs I wanted but the ten minutes of flirtation makes it worth the wasted effort.
(4) Software conflicts suck a dead donkeys cock
First it was the iPod piece of shite and now it's the new digital camera.
Sidetrack: new digital camera woo hoo!
Why can't it just be as simple as plugging something in and it working? I don't fucking care if my computer isn't running the latest version of Random bollocks version 7.0 or Give a flying toss 3rd edition. Stop complicating things.
(5) I need to start brushing up on my Spanish
This is more for my own amusement than anything else. The majority of my time will no doubt be spent in the pub anyway. The majority of pubs are fucking Irish pubs where every fucker speaks English and sit eating all day breakfasts whilst reading The Sun.
I plan to spend my time in creepy odd Spanish run bars with a book and many cigarettes. Either that or at the apartment on the balcony watching the TV through the french doors pretending that it's hotter than it actually is.
I doubt the non drinking will even last til after take off. There is every possibility I will end up in the pub at the airport. Ah well.
Most random moment of the day was deciding to walk back from my hospital appointment. Took a while. It was a 9 taxi journey to get there. That should have been the first indication to me of the distance.
I am now going to sit and watch Napoleon Dynamite and weigh up the pros and cons of going to the ex's birthday tomorrow.
"Everybody hates you ... including people you haven't even met yet."
**********************************************************
Am about to open a bottle of wine, do nails and go out for ex financee birthday thing. This is probably the worst decision I have ever made but at least my regular bar is only a few doors away. If any of you Nottm peeps are out and about tonight come down to the Malt Shovel (St James St) and save me!
It has occured to me this week that there is a very good reason why I have never owned any of the Series of Black Books on DVD.
There is nothing I want more in the world than to be permanentely glued to a bottle of wine, cigarette in hand, being sarcastically offensive and ultimately random. The month of non drinking does however continue. Bah.
Top five random bollocks of the day;
(1) This is to blame for my mis-spent education.
Three years of sitting in the rest garden with a bottle of cider, a Chemistry textbook, a bag of weed and a bong made out of a coke bottle. Yes three years. Van Wilder wannabe. In hindsight it may have been an idea to occasionally step next door and into the college.
(2) Burning important documents is not a good idea
The only part of my UCAS app left to fill in is the section for my A-level grades. The day I got my results I went down to the castle, got stoned, opened said results, had a laugh at them then set fire to them. Hence I have no idea what my grades were. This factor is made slightly worse when trying to find them out and having to explain why you have no certificates etc.
(3) Virgin Megastore is THE place to shop
Not for the prices. Not for the range of products. For the hotties. Oh yes. Back in the hometown it used to be the number one employer of flirty tattooed guys. Why did I not work this out before? No you didn't have the DVDs I wanted but the ten minutes of flirtation makes it worth the wasted effort.
(4) Software conflicts suck a dead donkeys cock
First it was the iPod piece of shite and now it's the new digital camera.
Sidetrack: new digital camera woo hoo!
Why can't it just be as simple as plugging something in and it working? I don't fucking care if my computer isn't running the latest version of Random bollocks version 7.0 or Give a flying toss 3rd edition. Stop complicating things.
(5) I need to start brushing up on my Spanish
This is more for my own amusement than anything else. The majority of my time will no doubt be spent in the pub anyway. The majority of pubs are fucking Irish pubs where every fucker speaks English and sit eating all day breakfasts whilst reading The Sun.
I plan to spend my time in creepy odd Spanish run bars with a book and many cigarettes. Either that or at the apartment on the balcony watching the TV through the french doors pretending that it's hotter than it actually is.
I doubt the non drinking will even last til after take off. There is every possibility I will end up in the pub at the airport. Ah well.
Most random moment of the day was deciding to walk back from my hospital appointment. Took a while. It was a 9 taxi journey to get there. That should have been the first indication to me of the distance.
I am now going to sit and watch Napoleon Dynamite and weigh up the pros and cons of going to the ex's birthday tomorrow.
"Everybody hates you ... including people you haven't even met yet."
**********************************************************
Am about to open a bottle of wine, do nails and go out for ex financee birthday thing. This is probably the worst decision I have ever made but at least my regular bar is only a few doors away. If any of you Nottm peeps are out and about tonight come down to the Malt Shovel (St James St) and save me!
VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
i just got stood up by a girl who works in virgin.
i'm telling you their evil. stay away!