*does a dance* .... And that's why I don't like cricket
I think it's safe to say that I have watched far too much Boosh this week. It occured to me last night when I realised that I had gone out dressed like an extra from Electro with fookin massive Vince Noir hair ... a look which apparentely works for me.
Top 5 things that have pissed me off so far this week;
(1) Fucking Xmas music.
Just when you think life can't possibly get any worse as you sit over a JD in the pub you realise that they've turned the music over to the Now Xmas album. This festive fucker of a CD even contains a Britney song. Oh yes. I don't mind the upbeat Wizzard or Slade songs but some of the fucking depressive utter drivel they come out with ... and don't even get me started on Cliff "why am I not dead yet ... my face looks like it's been painted on by a retarded child with a fat paintbrush and epilepsy in a room with strobe lighting" Richard. Needless to say I left a drink and actually walked out after attempting to slit my wrists on a beermat and hang myself with my own handbag.
(2) Bumping into a friend I haven't seen for a year
This was bad because he opened with the line "have you set a date for the wedding yet?" Excellent. Thank you sooooo very much for reminding me how fucked up my life has become in the last year. My only reaction was merely to laugh in his face then give him a hug, hold up my empty ring finger and tell him not to worry about it. Cock.
(3) Bad judgement
I generally pride myself on being a really good judge of character but apparentely this is not always the case. I am usually fully aware that the guys I like are complete fucking whore beating mother fuckers but choose to date them anyway. This time I was very very wrong indeed. Incredibly so. I guess you can pretend to be who you want on the internet. The dating profile has now gone. Fuck making that mistake again!
(4) My realisation that my mental-ness affects far too much of my life
Oh yeah ... it has now become a prime reason not to date me. How great is that? That was fucking sarcasm. It's the worst thing I can think of. Being an utterly shit shag or running away with my sister is far easier to deal with. Knowing that you are fundamentally flawed and undateable sucks a big fucking badgers anal cavity.
Following this lightbulb moment I decided to go sit on the floor in a toilet cubicle and had a bit of a girlie sob moment until I saw this piece of graffiti on the bathroom door;
"If I had a hammer I'd hit bob and steal his pie" www.weebls-stuff.com Fucking excellent!
(5) People filling in my drunken blanks for me
Apparentely on Saturday night when I got out of the taxi to buy Rizla at the garage I randomly gave a kiss on the cheek to a really ugly guy who was dressed as Batman. Yep that sounds about right ... but maybe I'd have been best off without that memory.
Note to self ........ pocket cup
I managed to miss the last chance to post my Xmas cards so they will now arrive late ... it's a protest really. Rock and fucking roll.
Random higlights from last night include;
♥ Celebrity look-a-likes ... there was a guy who looked like Iggy Pop and another who looked like Vigo from Ghostbusters II .. he was fucking scary!
♥ Over analysis of the Xmas 1st class stamps ... Mary looks about nine years old and Jesus looks retarded. Just check out his hand actions
♥ Meeting some guy whose chat up lines are more lame than mine .. he opened with the line "haven't we met before?" Fucks sake mate. He was cute so I'll let him off.
♥ My re-design of Hardys and Hansons new beer mats .. it's in my picture folder. I am very proud.
♥ Elysias iPod saving the day. Men being bastards became depressing. 25 random Alan Partridge sketches on iPod + upset friend = instant cheer up. I am a superhero.
Here's a Xmas treat for the kiddies
"Driving along on the plastic dream, heart beats fast like a tiny machine, I am electro boy, you are electro girl."
EDIT TO ADD: I love my family. They're sending me to Spain for a week at the end of January to give me a break ... how sweet is that?!
I think it's safe to say that I have watched far too much Boosh this week. It occured to me last night when I realised that I had gone out dressed like an extra from Electro with fookin massive Vince Noir hair ... a look which apparentely works for me.
Top 5 things that have pissed me off so far this week;
(1) Fucking Xmas music.
Just when you think life can't possibly get any worse as you sit over a JD in the pub you realise that they've turned the music over to the Now Xmas album. This festive fucker of a CD even contains a Britney song. Oh yes. I don't mind the upbeat Wizzard or Slade songs but some of the fucking depressive utter drivel they come out with ... and don't even get me started on Cliff "why am I not dead yet ... my face looks like it's been painted on by a retarded child with a fat paintbrush and epilepsy in a room with strobe lighting" Richard. Needless to say I left a drink and actually walked out after attempting to slit my wrists on a beermat and hang myself with my own handbag.
(2) Bumping into a friend I haven't seen for a year
This was bad because he opened with the line "have you set a date for the wedding yet?" Excellent. Thank you sooooo very much for reminding me how fucked up my life has become in the last year. My only reaction was merely to laugh in his face then give him a hug, hold up my empty ring finger and tell him not to worry about it. Cock.
(3) Bad judgement
I generally pride myself on being a really good judge of character but apparentely this is not always the case. I am usually fully aware that the guys I like are complete fucking whore beating mother fuckers but choose to date them anyway. This time I was very very wrong indeed. Incredibly so. I guess you can pretend to be who you want on the internet. The dating profile has now gone. Fuck making that mistake again!
(4) My realisation that my mental-ness affects far too much of my life
Oh yeah ... it has now become a prime reason not to date me. How great is that? That was fucking sarcasm. It's the worst thing I can think of. Being an utterly shit shag or running away with my sister is far easier to deal with. Knowing that you are fundamentally flawed and undateable sucks a big fucking badgers anal cavity.
Following this lightbulb moment I decided to go sit on the floor in a toilet cubicle and had a bit of a girlie sob moment until I saw this piece of graffiti on the bathroom door;
"If I had a hammer I'd hit bob and steal his pie" www.weebls-stuff.com Fucking excellent!
(5) People filling in my drunken blanks for me
Apparentely on Saturday night when I got out of the taxi to buy Rizla at the garage I randomly gave a kiss on the cheek to a really ugly guy who was dressed as Batman. Yep that sounds about right ... but maybe I'd have been best off without that memory.
Note to self ........ pocket cup
I managed to miss the last chance to post my Xmas cards so they will now arrive late ... it's a protest really. Rock and fucking roll.
Random higlights from last night include;
♥ Celebrity look-a-likes ... there was a guy who looked like Iggy Pop and another who looked like Vigo from Ghostbusters II .. he was fucking scary!
♥ Over analysis of the Xmas 1st class stamps ... Mary looks about nine years old and Jesus looks retarded. Just check out his hand actions
♥ Meeting some guy whose chat up lines are more lame than mine .. he opened with the line "haven't we met before?" Fucks sake mate. He was cute so I'll let him off.
♥ My re-design of Hardys and Hansons new beer mats .. it's in my picture folder. I am very proud.
♥ Elysias iPod saving the day. Men being bastards became depressing. 25 random Alan Partridge sketches on iPod + upset friend = instant cheer up. I am a superhero.
Here's a Xmas treat for the kiddies
"Driving along on the plastic dream, heart beats fast like a tiny machine, I am electro boy, you are electro girl."
EDIT TO ADD: I love my family. They're sending me to Spain for a week at the end of January to give me a break ... how sweet is that?!
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It's the guy's little round face. He's so funny just to look at!