You've been waiting to be rationing me since the day we met
So that's it. Xmas is over. All my shopping is now done, even down to the killer outfit for the Xmas Eve party. My tactic this year is to start out girlie (there are false eyelashes and a short skirt) in order to try and keep a certain standard. This is necessary due to the fact that the drinking starts at 5pm and will end at 8am the next day at the earliest.
Top 5 things I have learnt this week;
(1) Laughing is dangerous. I have a bruise on my elbow having fallen off the sofa whilst laughing my ass off at The Simpsons acceptance speech at the Comedy Awards. Ouch.
(2) Having a crush on someone sucks. I am no longer letting myself beat myself up over the disaster that was my crush. I tried. I failed. He will probably never speak to me again. Move on.
I will now only allow myself to either
(a) have one night stands with no emotional attachment or (b) be celibate.
The only exception to the rule will be if I meet a guy who is as romantic as Ville Valos lyrics. I'd probably have a re-think then.
(3) Skirts are good. Having woken up today in a 'Dominatrix' type of mood I was compelled to go shopping for tiny outfits.
Having tried on pretty much every tiny skirt in Void (oh how I ♥ you despite the fact that you give me odd looks for not being "Goth" enough to shop there ... yoghurt cock) I found a beautiful black and pink skirt for Xmas Eve and even better .... a black tutu stylee skirt for New Years. It's all about leaving nothing to the imagination. It is basically a waisband with some netting attached.
(4) I have a complete inability to keep a straight face when I want to. The story behind this involves a midget working as a checkout Assistant in Asda, a combi TV/DVD player and a packet of chewing gum. One day I may grow up.
(5) Drinking is bad for me. I'm technically not allowed to drink with my medication in quite a big way and keep being bollocked by my doctor for doing so. With the current house move/life plan etc etc going on I have decided to have a month of no drinking in January. It's going to fucking kill me! What am I going to do? Sit at home eating toasted sandwiches watching TV?
I have lined up my Xmas day entertainment;
Peep Show series 2, Mighty Boosh, Partridge Series 1 & 2, The Day Today, Little Britain series 1, Santa Claus the movie and Elf. All good.
Here is todays anti-Xmas link
Go watch Jimmy Carr NOW ... even if you don't like him it's worth it just for the personal ads and his T-shirt designs. Ultimate. They've beeped out the best words ... those fucking cunt wanking tit biscuits on the channel 4 gravy train ...that's it I'm getting myself a spiced rum and ginger.
So that's it. Xmas is over. All my shopping is now done, even down to the killer outfit for the Xmas Eve party. My tactic this year is to start out girlie (there are false eyelashes and a short skirt) in order to try and keep a certain standard. This is necessary due to the fact that the drinking starts at 5pm and will end at 8am the next day at the earliest.
Top 5 things I have learnt this week;
(1) Laughing is dangerous. I have a bruise on my elbow having fallen off the sofa whilst laughing my ass off at The Simpsons acceptance speech at the Comedy Awards. Ouch.
(2) Having a crush on someone sucks. I am no longer letting myself beat myself up over the disaster that was my crush. I tried. I failed. He will probably never speak to me again. Move on.
I will now only allow myself to either
(a) have one night stands with no emotional attachment or (b) be celibate.
The only exception to the rule will be if I meet a guy who is as romantic as Ville Valos lyrics. I'd probably have a re-think then.
(3) Skirts are good. Having woken up today in a 'Dominatrix' type of mood I was compelled to go shopping for tiny outfits.
Having tried on pretty much every tiny skirt in Void (oh how I ♥ you despite the fact that you give me odd looks for not being "Goth" enough to shop there ... yoghurt cock) I found a beautiful black and pink skirt for Xmas Eve and even better .... a black tutu stylee skirt for New Years. It's all about leaving nothing to the imagination. It is basically a waisband with some netting attached.
(4) I have a complete inability to keep a straight face when I want to. The story behind this involves a midget working as a checkout Assistant in Asda, a combi TV/DVD player and a packet of chewing gum. One day I may grow up.
(5) Drinking is bad for me. I'm technically not allowed to drink with my medication in quite a big way and keep being bollocked by my doctor for doing so. With the current house move/life plan etc etc going on I have decided to have a month of no drinking in January. It's going to fucking kill me! What am I going to do? Sit at home eating toasted sandwiches watching TV?
I have lined up my Xmas day entertainment;
Peep Show series 2, Mighty Boosh, Partridge Series 1 & 2, The Day Today, Little Britain series 1, Santa Claus the movie and Elf. All good.
Here is todays anti-Xmas link
Go watch Jimmy Carr NOW ... even if you don't like him it's worth it just for the personal ads and his T-shirt designs. Ultimate. They've beeped out the best words ... those fucking cunt wanking tit biscuits on the channel 4 gravy train ...that's it I'm getting myself a spiced rum and ginger.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
The cradle of Partridge civilization. And just as good now, even though a scary amount of years have passed.
"How do words feel? How about long words? Do they feel different? What about significant words?"
My Christmas viewing is similar, except minus 'Elf' and with the addition of lots of the X Files (I've bought myself the box set: no one else would, you see.)