My apologies in advance but i just can't help but fill this fucking stupid things out. They always make me laugh. Plus I've added in my own comments (formerly known as excuses) to make myself feel better about being such a horrific person;
( ) I've Never Been Drunk - This is obviously not true
( ) I've Never Smoked Pot - I spent my 18th in Amsterdam for fucks sake, what do you reckon
( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex - IOf course I have
( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex - I love the girlies
(X) I've Never Crashed A Friend's Car - I only like to crash my own cars
(X) I've Never Been To Japan - Never had the opportunity
( ) I've Never Been In A Taxi - These questions really are wank
( ) I've Never Been In Love - If only this were true
( ) I've Never Had Sex In Public - I'm not all out "let's have sex at a bus stop" or anything but there's just some times when you just HAVE TO
( ) I've Never Been Dumped - I have been dumped but only once. I like to get in there first if possible. I only missed out on this one because he hung up on me
( ) I've Never Done Cocaine - I had a shameful year that i barely remember when I was 15 and dated a dealer
( ) I've Never Shoplifted - Hasn't everyone at least stolen penny sweets when they were a kid? Fuck off ... of course you did you liar
(X) I've Never Been Fired - With the exception of my current job I've always done jobs that I enjoy that also let me get away with a lot of shit. It's all about leeway.
( ) I've Never Been In A Fist Fight - Only once with a boyfriend and deffo not through choice. I'm a lover not a fighter.
(X) I've Never Had Group Intercourse (threesome) - Sorry guys but this really isn't something that appeals to me. I never have liked sharing
( ) I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House - I still am very glad that they never found out
( ) I've Never Been Tied Up - Boys just seem to like to tie me up for some reason? Not that I'm complaining ...
( ) I've Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone - [Insert name here] as i sure as hell don't know it. In the toilets in a bar. I was attempting to have a slutty phase. It didn't last. Oh, and then there was that time ... oh fuck it ... next question
(X) I've Never Been Arrested - I have luckily managed to evade capture although being arrested sounds like an experience I must have at some point
( ) I've Never Made Out With A Stranger - Only when drunk and it's never quite as good as someone that you have had at least had a half decent conversation with
( ) I've Never Stolen Something From My Job - I used to run a pub for fucks sake?!
(X) I've Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square - I haven't celebrated New Years Eve from the right side of the bar for the last 3/4 years let alone got to go somewhere cool
(X) I've Never Gone On A Blind Date - Fuck no
( ) I've Never Lied To A Friend - No that dress doesn't make you look fat isn't a lie as it's her fat that makes her look fat. I only ever lie to my friends when it's necessary to protect their feelings.
(X) I've Never Had A Crush On A Teacher - But I'm sure my Psych professor in college had a crush on me. I still bump into him around town and he still flirts with me. Ewwww.
(X) I've Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans - Fucking American quizzes
( ) I've Never Been To Europe - See above
( ) I've Never Skipped School - I even managed to get caught once. Going to the school I did it took my mum to convince the headteacher not to expel me
( ) I've Never Slept With A Co-Worker - I'm actually terrible at this. It always gets awkward. It's particularly bad if you're the boss *ahem*
( ) I've Never Cut Myself On Purpose - What? I'm a little messed up OK/
( ) I've Never Had Sex At The Office - Ha ha ha ha ha! My current work place is the only one I haven't had sex in. That sounds awful but of three jobs in six years it's not too bad. No really. Stop looking at me like that!
(X) I've Never Been Married - Almost once but luckily came to my senses. Doh!
(X) I've Never Been Divorced - See above
( ) I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week - This quiz is making me start to hate myself. I'm a really nice girl honest
( ) I've Never Posed Nude - Officially no comment
(X) I've Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them - I'd quite like to be able to answer yes to this but this is a level even I would avoid
(X) I've Never Killed Anyone - Prison colours would clash with my hair
( ) I've Never Received a hickey From My Sex Partner - Oh I fucking hate hickeys on my neck. Anywhere else fair enough. I mostly hate the ones that you haven't realised have happened til an inopportune glance in the mirror
(X) I've Never Thrown Up In A Bar - To this extent at least I am well behaved whilst out
( ) I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire - I was drunk and it was very funny. I like to be the centre of attention and if a few flames will achieve that ... righto
( ) I've Never Eaten Sushi - Mmmm sushi
(X) I've Never Been Snowboarding - People keep offering to teach me but it always involves a trip across to another country and I'm always too poor.
( ) I've Never Had Sex At A Friend's House - I used to live miles away from both work and college so sometimes it just kinda happened.
(X) I've Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room - Never had the offer!
( ) I've Never Flashed Anyone - Anyone that says that they've never done this is blatantly lying. I've been flashing boys since Primary School.
I've had a few days of being well behaved as I'm planning a weekend of debauchery up't North with a boy so watch this space ... Wish me luck kids
Alan Partridge says;
"Don't smile you've broken your neck"
( ) I've Never Been Drunk - This is obviously not true
( ) I've Never Smoked Pot - I spent my 18th in Amsterdam for fucks sake, what do you reckon
( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex - IOf course I have
( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex - I love the girlies
(X) I've Never Crashed A Friend's Car - I only like to crash my own cars
(X) I've Never Been To Japan - Never had the opportunity
( ) I've Never Been In A Taxi - These questions really are wank
( ) I've Never Been In Love - If only this were true
( ) I've Never Had Sex In Public - I'm not all out "let's have sex at a bus stop" or anything but there's just some times when you just HAVE TO
( ) I've Never Been Dumped - I have been dumped but only once. I like to get in there first if possible. I only missed out on this one because he hung up on me
( ) I've Never Done Cocaine - I had a shameful year that i barely remember when I was 15 and dated a dealer
( ) I've Never Shoplifted - Hasn't everyone at least stolen penny sweets when they were a kid? Fuck off ... of course you did you liar
(X) I've Never Been Fired - With the exception of my current job I've always done jobs that I enjoy that also let me get away with a lot of shit. It's all about leeway.
( ) I've Never Been In A Fist Fight - Only once with a boyfriend and deffo not through choice. I'm a lover not a fighter.
(X) I've Never Had Group Intercourse (threesome) - Sorry guys but this really isn't something that appeals to me. I never have liked sharing
( ) I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House - I still am very glad that they never found out
( ) I've Never Been Tied Up - Boys just seem to like to tie me up for some reason? Not that I'm complaining ...
( ) I've Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone - [Insert name here] as i sure as hell don't know it. In the toilets in a bar. I was attempting to have a slutty phase. It didn't last. Oh, and then there was that time ... oh fuck it ... next question
(X) I've Never Been Arrested - I have luckily managed to evade capture although being arrested sounds like an experience I must have at some point
( ) I've Never Made Out With A Stranger - Only when drunk and it's never quite as good as someone that you have had at least had a half decent conversation with
( ) I've Never Stolen Something From My Job - I used to run a pub for fucks sake?!
(X) I've Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square - I haven't celebrated New Years Eve from the right side of the bar for the last 3/4 years let alone got to go somewhere cool
(X) I've Never Gone On A Blind Date - Fuck no
( ) I've Never Lied To A Friend - No that dress doesn't make you look fat isn't a lie as it's her fat that makes her look fat. I only ever lie to my friends when it's necessary to protect their feelings.
(X) I've Never Had A Crush On A Teacher - But I'm sure my Psych professor in college had a crush on me. I still bump into him around town and he still flirts with me. Ewwww.
(X) I've Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans - Fucking American quizzes
( ) I've Never Been To Europe - See above
( ) I've Never Skipped School - I even managed to get caught once. Going to the school I did it took my mum to convince the headteacher not to expel me
( ) I've Never Slept With A Co-Worker - I'm actually terrible at this. It always gets awkward. It's particularly bad if you're the boss *ahem*
( ) I've Never Cut Myself On Purpose - What? I'm a little messed up OK/
( ) I've Never Had Sex At The Office - Ha ha ha ha ha! My current work place is the only one I haven't had sex in. That sounds awful but of three jobs in six years it's not too bad. No really. Stop looking at me like that!
(X) I've Never Been Married - Almost once but luckily came to my senses. Doh!
(X) I've Never Been Divorced - See above
( ) I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week - This quiz is making me start to hate myself. I'm a really nice girl honest
( ) I've Never Posed Nude - Officially no comment
(X) I've Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them - I'd quite like to be able to answer yes to this but this is a level even I would avoid
(X) I've Never Killed Anyone - Prison colours would clash with my hair
( ) I've Never Received a hickey From My Sex Partner - Oh I fucking hate hickeys on my neck. Anywhere else fair enough. I mostly hate the ones that you haven't realised have happened til an inopportune glance in the mirror
(X) I've Never Thrown Up In A Bar - To this extent at least I am well behaved whilst out
( ) I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire - I was drunk and it was very funny. I like to be the centre of attention and if a few flames will achieve that ... righto
( ) I've Never Eaten Sushi - Mmmm sushi
(X) I've Never Been Snowboarding - People keep offering to teach me but it always involves a trip across to another country and I'm always too poor.
( ) I've Never Had Sex At A Friend's House - I used to live miles away from both work and college so sometimes it just kinda happened.
(X) I've Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room - Never had the offer!
( ) I've Never Flashed Anyone - Anyone that says that they've never done this is blatantly lying. I've been flashing boys since Primary School.
I've had a few days of being well behaved as I'm planning a weekend of debauchery up't North with a
boy so watch this space ... Wish me luck kidsAlan Partridge says;
"Don't smile you've broken your neck"
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
In Australia 'root' means to, 'do the dog'. To 'do the dog', means to have sex. In the US we sing a song at baseball games that goes... 'root, root, root, for the home team, if they don't win its a shame... for it's one, two, three strikes your out at the old ball game.' In otherwords, we have to be carful my penny sweet. But as long as your fanny does the dog, I'll root for you.