elysia

Today I have been an angry windswept vegetarian.

It is no longer possibly to buy any kind of Quorn or Tofu product without travelling a minimum of 4 miles in any direction from my house despite the 7 or 8 supermarkets within that radius.

I decided to take this out on the Manager of the Tesco Metro who was unaware as to what Quorn or Tofu is, and oblivious to the fact that a week ago they used to sell it. He was also much too young, arrogant, uncomfortable in a suit, should have been wearing trackie bottoms, bling, cap, phone around neck, girl & baby as accessories, absolute toss bag fuck wit ass hole wank biscuit cuntish jerk monkey.


Last night consisted of watching Memento then High Fidelity. I had been thinking that High Fidelity was a good choice as a break up film but had forgotten that they actually got back together at the end. It did however get me thinking about my top five break ups and the more I've thought about it the more disturbed I'm getting. It's making me content to be single and also making me realise that dating really is like an extreme sport.

OK so ... top five breakups;

(1) ♥ A ♥
After coming back from holiday I decided that it really just wasn't working. He became convinced that I was seeing someone else. Which I wasn't. Needless to say he didn't take it too well. Following our breakup came nasty phone calls, visits from his friends to my place of work, death threats, attempts to destroy my property and it only calmed down when I threatened to call his mum and let her know what he was up to before calling the police.

(2) ♥ T ♥
Bless him. Tom was having a few 'problems' that really needed medicating but he wasn't dealing with them too well and would get rather angry when he was drunk. It all came to a head one night when he turned up at my house pissed and angry and I refused to let him in. Instead of just leaving he tried banging on the doors and windows in an attempt to break in. I then called 999 and had him taken away in a police car. Suprisingly we split up after that. Still bump into him in my local bar every now and then and we talk as if it never happened.

(3) ♥ F ♥
I cared about him very very much it was just unfortunate that his best friend was a little bit more on my level than he was. So I left him. Other than one time when he tried to stab me it wasn't a particularly bad breakup other than for the fact that I know that I broke his heart. Which is bad. Following this breakup I decided to move 35 miles away to live in Nottingham and escape the aftermath.

(4) ♥ M ♥
Wasn't particularly a relationship but a seeing each other kind of arrangement. Anyway, instead of being a grown up and just turning to me one day and saying "hi, it's been real fun but I think we should just leave it here" and us shaking hands and remaining friends he went for a much more blunt approach. New Years Eve 2/3 years ago having already been with me at the start of the evening he then decides to get really pissed and get off with someone else. At the point where I had to step over them to get to the toilet I dragged him outside and slapped him. Only bloke I've ever done that to. Got a round of applause. We're now very good friends and I find his infidelity amusing.

(5) ♥ Q ♥
Current break up. No amusing or shocking stories it just has to figure in the top five as this is someone that I am still very much in love with and someone I was engaged to at one point. I'm not ready to grace you with any more detail.



So ... having been out walking the dog at 4am and compiling my list it has made me realise that my love life or lack there of is a complete train wreck and that I really am much better off staying single for a very very long time. Possibly eternity (not by Calvin Klein).

High Fidelity also gave me a great idea for a new tattoo;
"If you really wanted to mess me up you should have got here sooner" LOVE IT.




"I wish I'd be a bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, 'Look at me ... I'm a giant witch'"