Oi you. Yes you. The twat in the flip flops. NEWSFLASH - it's winter. Stop being a cheap tosser and buy some fucking shoes. Dick.
Ah. Today has been a struggle. Meh. I suspect it may have something to do with the two bottles of wine I drank last night. Maybe.
The best friend crossed the boundary last night and made a pass at me. I like the fact that he's one of the friends that I have that I haven't slept with and therefore doesn't know how ridiculously fan-bloody-tastic I am in bed. (It appears that reading Rik Mayalls autobiography is inspiring me to be a cocky bitch) Bad move. He'd make a great boyfriend. He's never tried to beat me up and doesn't seem to derive pleasure from making me miserable and he makes me laugh. It's a good start. But it's a no. He's one person that I really just don't want to cross that line with. So now I'm just pissed off at him. Which is annoying as we'd just decided to get tickets to see the Prodigy. Wanker.
This image has disturbed me today. There's just something about it that's not quite right. It looks like her features have been stuck on a bit haphazardly in a 'Mr Potato Head' kind of way. It's just wrong. And even worse ... it's fucking everywhere.
Top 5 things of the day;
(1) Graffiti on the bus stop reading "Ellis n Shannon w/e waitin for da bus 2005". I will be going back with a red marker pen tomorrow to correct them and point out that w/e is short term for 'week ending' and that Ellis n Shannon are illiterate fuckwits.
(2) Seeing a police car that looked home made. It really was nothing more than a white mondeo with the word 'Police' written on the side in a random font. It probably comes complete with a little guy with a megaphone who shouts 'nee naw nee naw' when giving chase.
(3) Being able to find my house keys this morning. I always manage to leave them somewhere random when I come home pissed and am usually unable to find them the next morning as I can't remember where I put them.
(4) Finding out that Jimmy Carr is playing in Grantham *ahem*(cough masking the word shit hole) the day after my birthday. This may be much more amusing than waiting til he hits Nottm in March just to see how rude he is to the audience of Grantham inbreds. He was pretty harsh to the Nottm crowd so it should be fucking hilarious.
(5) Escaping from the horrible task of accompanying my mother to see Simply Red. My sister has bought her tickets to see them next week as an early Xmas present and I was wondering how I was going to say no if asked. I remember the Bryan Ferry incident.
I firmly believe that Starbucks are attempting to single handedly drive me to take my own life.
As if it isn't enough that there are Xmas trees with flashy lights in the shop window of Debenhams.
As if it isn't enough that I have no idea where the toilet roll/tissue aisle has disappeared to in Tesco as it has now been replaced with novelty chocolates, xmas pudding and shitty gifts that people buy that no one wants.
Nope. Starbucks in their infinite wisdom had to take it one step toooo far. As i'm sat drinking the largest caramel macchiato that money can buy, minding my own business, reading my book, sitting in a comfy armchair wondering if I could take it home with me and also wondering why they sell Starbucks coffee mugs when surely if one were so inclined one would just steal the one they'd just bought a drink in. What was I going on about? Ah yes. The horror.
The plinky plonky shitty poppy Rachel Stevens Liberty X insert shitty band here crappy music over the stereo fades and my ears bleed at the next song. You all know the lyrics; 'Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away'. You have GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. In fact I would have much rather at that point in time have been anally raped with a milk float. What?
Alan Partridge's word of wisdom;
"Read the small print in your cone-tract"
Ha ha. Just writing that quote made me laugh.
Ah. Today has been a struggle. Meh. I suspect it may have something to do with the two bottles of wine I drank last night. Maybe.
The best friend crossed the boundary last night and made a pass at me. I like the fact that he's one of the friends that I have that I haven't slept with and therefore doesn't know how ridiculously fan-bloody-tastic I am in bed. (It appears that reading Rik Mayalls autobiography is inspiring me to be a cocky bitch) Bad move. He'd make a great boyfriend. He's never tried to beat me up and doesn't seem to derive pleasure from making me miserable and he makes me laugh. It's a good start. But it's a no. He's one person that I really just don't want to cross that line with. So now I'm just pissed off at him. Which is annoying as we'd just decided to get tickets to see the Prodigy. Wanker.
This image has disturbed me today. There's just something about it that's not quite right. It looks like her features have been stuck on a bit haphazardly in a 'Mr Potato Head' kind of way. It's just wrong. And even worse ... it's fucking everywhere.
Top 5 things of the day;
(1) Graffiti on the bus stop reading "Ellis n Shannon w/e waitin for da bus 2005". I will be going back with a red marker pen tomorrow to correct them and point out that w/e is short term for 'week ending' and that Ellis n Shannon are illiterate fuckwits.
(2) Seeing a police car that looked home made. It really was nothing more than a white mondeo with the word 'Police' written on the side in a random font. It probably comes complete with a little guy with a megaphone who shouts 'nee naw nee naw' when giving chase.
(3) Being able to find my house keys this morning. I always manage to leave them somewhere random when I come home pissed and am usually unable to find them the next morning as I can't remember where I put them.
(4) Finding out that Jimmy Carr is playing in Grantham *ahem*(cough masking the word shit hole) the day after my birthday. This may be much more amusing than waiting til he hits Nottm in March just to see how rude he is to the audience of Grantham inbreds. He was pretty harsh to the Nottm crowd so it should be fucking hilarious.
(5) Escaping from the horrible task of accompanying my mother to see Simply Red. My sister has bought her tickets to see them next week as an early Xmas present and I was wondering how I was going to say no if asked. I remember the Bryan Ferry incident.
I firmly believe that Starbucks are attempting to single handedly drive me to take my own life.
As if it isn't enough that there are Xmas trees with flashy lights in the shop window of Debenhams.
As if it isn't enough that I have no idea where the toilet roll/tissue aisle has disappeared to in Tesco as it has now been replaced with novelty chocolates, xmas pudding and shitty gifts that people buy that no one wants.
Nope. Starbucks in their infinite wisdom had to take it one step toooo far. As i'm sat drinking the largest caramel macchiato that money can buy, minding my own business, reading my book, sitting in a comfy armchair wondering if I could take it home with me and also wondering why they sell Starbucks coffee mugs when surely if one were so inclined one would just steal the one they'd just bought a drink in. What was I going on about? Ah yes. The horror.
The plinky plonky shitty poppy Rachel Stevens Liberty X insert shitty band here crappy music over the stereo fades and my ears bleed at the next song. You all know the lyrics; 'Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away'. You have GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. In fact I would have much rather at that point in time have been anally raped with a milk float. What?
Alan Partridge's word of wisdom;
"Read the small print in your cone-tract"
Ha ha. Just writing that quote made me laugh.
VIEW 25 of 46 COMMENTS
I had to copy this off somebody else's awful non-SG profile page i found somewhere buried in the google-scum depths of teh intarweb, so im not taking any responsibility for idiotic mis-quotations.
Even though the whole rant is genius, its still 'Buckaroo' that cuts me up the most.
Fucking flip flops!Edinburgh is infested with these smug flip flop wearing yahs. Its Scotland and the middle of effing winter you rich twats.. I hate yah's and I hate their damn pashminas and tracky bottoms. I especially hate the way they ask for a student discount then buy 6 cashmere jumpers with a gold credit card. The only reason they come to Ed is because they could'nt get into Oxford.They're all just a bunch of smug rich flangeclamps