elsie_caruso

Today is the 1 year anniversary of Vanessa and Gina's suicides. Two girls who went to my former high school who had a suicide pact with another girl (who backed out) and went down to the train tracks and held eachother until they were hit by the train. I still, a year later, can not fathom the pain these girls must have been in. I can't fathom the pain of the third girl who didn't do it and stood by and saw. I can't understand how the families must feel or the children, their neices who came down and seen their remains scattered. A boy was hit by a car outside of the school and the one girl was dating him, and they just couldn't handle his death and ended their own. I just wish they knew that life gets easier. I have literally cried atleast ten times over this and I don't even know them. Everytime I hear the train come by my house or ride over those ttracks, in the months after when more and more teens from that school decided to end their lives. The community had an outpour of love but still. It's too late. My babysitter killed herself at 16, by eating a bottle of pills on christmas eve when i was a kid. And I just never understood it. I just can't get death out of my mind. I can't stop thinking about where they are.. are they gone? Are they just gone forever? is there even a heaven. I guess we won't know till we are dead, and maybe even not then. I wish I knew what was going through their minds. Running down to the station to meet orjust holding tight and waiting for it to hit them. ugh. so sad. What can possibly make you do that?