elros

Saturday March 28th, 2009

Hi,

I have been fairly silent for awhile. Several recent events have prompted me to break the silence and give you a little insight into my current state of mind.

I have realized that I am terrible with words. I used to think I was one of the most eloquent people I knew. I probably still am. But, I've realized that the things I want to say there are not really words for or I don't know how to say them or communicate them so people can understand. This is very frustrating to me, because I feel like I have so much to communicate to people, but I can't and so I just find myself spewing bull shit and rehashed propaganda.

meaningless.

But, I know that if I could communicate the feelings and thoughts I have they would change lives and maybe even the world.

Even now as I type this out I am imagining pictures and sounds that could explain how I feel so much better and if my heart was not overfilled right now on the verge of bursting I would take the time to just capture the images and sounds and post them instead. Maybe then you would understand.

I hate how I feel so alone right now. But, it is the path that I chose and I have no one to blame but myself. Don't get me wrong I continue to meet amazing people, but I feel like I am in a totally different world or dimension and the people that pass through it are just visitors and I only get to see small glimpses. They no longer shape my future or my identity.

I am moving at a different speed than everyone else around me. I can see everything in slow motion. My powers of bending time are improving.

For a long time I was stuck in a repeating pattern of time.

I have moved into a new temporal loop.

A long time ago I had a dream. That dream has now become my reality.

When you are young it is easy to tell the difference between right and wrong. As you grow older your heroes and villains don't seem to be so clear.

Am I a hero or a villain?

I am now off to create and capture the sounds and images that I hear and see in my head and my heart and I will let you decide.