elora

Another wasted night..

day in and day out its the same thing... wake up.. go to work...come home.. hang out with my "friends" and right now i feel like even calling these people friends is to much... not that anyone is doing anything to harm me.. directly any way... its just that i always thought that friends put others before themselves... but silly me.. i shouldn't expect everyone to be the same kind of friend that i try to be, but i think i deserve the same respect and care that i give to others..

so today was a day like many others in these last few months of 2007... i got up... went to work.. came home and went to hang out with some friends... and again i feel as if i have wasted my night... i sat home after work for a few hours waiting to find out what was going on... I never received a phone call so i called my boyfriend who was at band practice which is held at our friends house where said "hanging out" was occurring tonight... its already 8:00 by this point...
"should i come up?" i ask a slightly inebriated boyfriend..
"yea come up everyone is here... so and so are coming..bla bla bla"
"well i don't know by the time i get there it will be almost 9 and i have to be at work at 9 tomorrow."
"you should come.. i want you to come.. i can't promise i'm gonna pay much attention to you.. but chelsea and jess are here"
"thanks that makes me feel real good"
"i mean cause there is going to be a lot of people here."
"whatever see you in a bit"..

so i get in the car and drive the almost 40 mins through the fucking backwoods to get there.. i walk in and the guys are still practicing.. my boyfriend comes up from the basement and doesn't even recognize that im there.. let a lone that i dyed my hair... again... for the next hour and a half i walk back and forth between the kitchen and the living room.. play a song or two on guitar hero.. watch my "best friend" get drunk and take muscle relaxers even though she claimed she didn't even want to be there and she wasn't getting drunk tonight...

i watch everyone smoke weed.. and not even ask me to join in.. not that i would have anyway.. but hey.. its the thought that counts right?

i decided to leave.. i wanted to just bust out but my car was blocked in so i had to get someone to move their car..

boyfriend thinks saying goodbye and giving the most effortless hug will suffice.. i make him come outside with me..
"its cold out here its ruining my high"
"sorry"

i get in my car.. turn up alkaline trio.. and cry my eyes out on the 40 min drive home.. i wasted a 1/4 of a tank of gas...and 3 hours of my time.. for nothing but a headache and a feeling of unwantedness... i know that no one at that house is wondering why i left without saying goodbye to the majority of the party.. or if anyone actually cares that i left for that matter...

I heard this on the way home and it pretty much sums up how im feeling right now

oh well.. at least one good thing came out of today...