Another week passed.
I havent been feeling very good. It is of course hard to explain, I just feel that I am really socially inept. No, is not that Im awkward talking to people the truth is I dont have any problems meeting new people, I do it continuously, is just that I get bored so fast. I was never fond with social conventions, and it is always hard for me to be part of a group. I shun them like the plague as soon as I feel people are getting too comfortable with my presence I escape I dont want to be trapped; defined, measured, possessed that of course makes it hard to create normal relationships, and I feel people get really frustrated with me. Of course I cant help it I dont know if I should change, especially since lately I feel more and more lonely, Im again turning into a ghost.
So yeah, this week I locked myself up in my house. Im freaking out a little bit about money too. My scholarship pays some of the bills but Im running short of money really fast, the UK is so damn expensive. And the truth is I dont even have time to find a job, I work all day, from 9 to 7, and I still feel I dont accomplish enough, Im running always against deadlines really stressing.
On the bright side, some of my work is starting to pay. I got accepted in the PhD program, and apparently I am in the top 3 people the department nominated for funding, which is of course a huge relief I spent the whole week working on another scholarship proposal, things are almost done, I might have a chance there.
And of course, the good thing of not seeing people is that out of the sudden you have so much more time for yourself. I am again drawing, which is of course, great, I got a sketchbook and went back to my old anatomy studies, going back to reading comic books and checking my endless list of artists. Also getting in touch again with music, which is awesome I should get my ticket for Kid Koala right away I just need to figure out the money I dont care, even if I dont eat for a week.
Today I got in a fight with my sister over skype god damn it I need to control my temper. Everytime I feel things get out of my hands I lose control I need a cold shower and someone to slap me sometimes. Maria used to keep me in check now that she is gone Im going back to my old ways it is also because Im very tense not to mention incredibly horny. This Monday I was going nuts so I decided to drop into a Yoga class I havent been in Yoga for a year now but it was good, I needed the stretch, I need to find a Zen dojo too and have someone hit me with a stick.
So, today, after the fight I just felt like crap. I had to leave the house I took my book and went to a coffee shop. Im still reading El Corazon de Piedra Verde at the beginning I was not getting it to much nahuatl words but little by little Im just getting more and more in the story I love not being able to put a book down. I will tell you more about it one of these days.
As I was coming back home and had to pick the british census form, so I stopped by Queens College, and surprise! There was a concert just half an hour later at the chapel!, so, ni corto ni perezoso, I headed there. It was Schuberts Symphony No. 8 and Smetanas Blanik the directors were sooo young, and to tell you the truth the II violins were really off a couple times but overall I enjoyed it. There was so few people there
So, well this is more than enough for now a little catharsis. I have to thank both Hyatt and Sinnah. One being gorgeous and leading me to a new favorite movie (btw ok maybe not THAT HARD but pretty hard Id say ;-), the other for just being gorgeous and delivering an awesome set that totally brighten my day (and for sparking my curiosity about her).
Actually, reading Sinnahs profile, I was reminded of three things one, that Im a hardcore feminist, two that I really like Ukiyoe and three the word hangman hanged man Yoshitaka Amano a little gift for her and everyone. I might be completely wrong but if her crush is the Hanged Man its a shame that I am The Fool.
Best wishes for yall my unknown mysterious internet friends.
I havent been feeling very good. It is of course hard to explain, I just feel that I am really socially inept. No, is not that Im awkward talking to people the truth is I dont have any problems meeting new people, I do it continuously, is just that I get bored so fast. I was never fond with social conventions, and it is always hard for me to be part of a group. I shun them like the plague as soon as I feel people are getting too comfortable with my presence I escape I dont want to be trapped; defined, measured, possessed that of course makes it hard to create normal relationships, and I feel people get really frustrated with me. Of course I cant help it I dont know if I should change, especially since lately I feel more and more lonely, Im again turning into a ghost.
So yeah, this week I locked myself up in my house. Im freaking out a little bit about money too. My scholarship pays some of the bills but Im running short of money really fast, the UK is so damn expensive. And the truth is I dont even have time to find a job, I work all day, from 9 to 7, and I still feel I dont accomplish enough, Im running always against deadlines really stressing.
On the bright side, some of my work is starting to pay. I got accepted in the PhD program, and apparently I am in the top 3 people the department nominated for funding, which is of course a huge relief I spent the whole week working on another scholarship proposal, things are almost done, I might have a chance there.
And of course, the good thing of not seeing people is that out of the sudden you have so much more time for yourself. I am again drawing, which is of course, great, I got a sketchbook and went back to my old anatomy studies, going back to reading comic books and checking my endless list of artists. Also getting in touch again with music, which is awesome I should get my ticket for Kid Koala right away I just need to figure out the money I dont care, even if I dont eat for a week.
Today I got in a fight with my sister over skype god damn it I need to control my temper. Everytime I feel things get out of my hands I lose control I need a cold shower and someone to slap me sometimes. Maria used to keep me in check now that she is gone Im going back to my old ways it is also because Im very tense not to mention incredibly horny. This Monday I was going nuts so I decided to drop into a Yoga class I havent been in Yoga for a year now but it was good, I needed the stretch, I need to find a Zen dojo too and have someone hit me with a stick.
So, today, after the fight I just felt like crap. I had to leave the house I took my book and went to a coffee shop. Im still reading El Corazon de Piedra Verde at the beginning I was not getting it to much nahuatl words but little by little Im just getting more and more in the story I love not being able to put a book down. I will tell you more about it one of these days.
As I was coming back home and had to pick the british census form, so I stopped by Queens College, and surprise! There was a concert just half an hour later at the chapel!, so, ni corto ni perezoso, I headed there. It was Schuberts Symphony No. 8 and Smetanas Blanik the directors were sooo young, and to tell you the truth the II violins were really off a couple times but overall I enjoyed it. There was so few people there
So, well this is more than enough for now a little catharsis. I have to thank both Hyatt and Sinnah. One being gorgeous and leading me to a new favorite movie (btw ok maybe not THAT HARD but pretty hard Id say ;-), the other for just being gorgeous and delivering an awesome set that totally brighten my day (and for sparking my curiosity about her).
Actually, reading Sinnahs profile, I was reminded of three things one, that Im a hardcore feminist, two that I really like Ukiyoe and three the word hangman hanged man Yoshitaka Amano a little gift for her and everyone. I might be completely wrong but if her crush is the Hanged Man its a shame that I am The Fool.
Best wishes for yall my unknown mysterious internet friends.
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Thank you for the b'day wishes. xo