CHAD
Vanilla. Chocolate.
(( Licks his lips. ))
And strawberry.
DOT
How Napoleanic of her.
CHAD
I like my women with a healthy respect for dictators.
DOT
And a dollop of hot fudge?
CHAD
Spread over all the right places.
DOT
This is sick, Chad. She cant be older than fifteen.
CHAD
Fucking her would be sick. This is okay. Its more than okay; its beautiful. What do you think her name is?
DOT
Jessica.
CHAD
Stop it.
DOT
No, Im serious. I think she works here. Look at the nametag.
CHAD
Look at that tongue. Pink and tiny and flickering.
DOT
Im serious, Chad, look at the nametag. Shes a card-carrying member of the Tastee-Creem team.
CHAD
Then she must be sixteen. Or older.
DOT
Barely illegal?
CHAD
Barely socially acceptable. They dont issue work permits to fifteen year olds.
DOT
Yes, they do. I worked when I was fifteen.
CHAD
So much the better.
DOT
You are seriously twisted, Chad.
CHAD
I bet that would taste better piled high with whipped cream and nuts.
DOT
You just want to watch her eat it.
CHAD
And maybe a cherry on top. In a waffle cone. And maybe shed bite off the end, and the vanilla would melt and stream from the bottom and dribble into her lap . . .
DOT
Why do we keep doing this? Why dont you just go up to her and I dont know, have a normal conversation? Ask for her number? Her drivers license?
CHAD
Why do you have to spoil this for me?
DOT
Because this is ridiculous. You need to get over her.
CHAD
I am. Im utterly and completely over it. This has nothing to do with her.
DOT
Why dont you go out with me tomorrow night? We can hit some bars, pick up on some real women. Itll be just like old times.
CHAD
I have absolutely no interest in reliving old times.
DOT
No, youre too busy watching underage girls eat ice cream.
CHAD
Soft serve yogurt.
DOT
When did this start? I dont remember watching you leer at soft-serve machines in high school.
CHAD
I dont know. Six months ago?
DOT
Doesnt that seem like a coincidence to you?
CHAD
Look, Dot, everyone has needs. Stop busting my balls.
DOT
Im just worried about you.
CHAD
Well dont be. Everything is perfectly normal. Perfectly beautiful. Perfectly acceptable. With a cherry on top.
DOT
I cant believe were doing this.
CHAD
Then leave. God, look at that tongue flicker.
Vanilla. Chocolate.
(( Licks his lips. ))
And strawberry.
DOT
How Napoleanic of her.
CHAD
I like my women with a healthy respect for dictators.
DOT
And a dollop of hot fudge?
CHAD
Spread over all the right places.
DOT
This is sick, Chad. She cant be older than fifteen.
CHAD
Fucking her would be sick. This is okay. Its more than okay; its beautiful. What do you think her name is?
DOT
Jessica.
CHAD
Stop it.
DOT
No, Im serious. I think she works here. Look at the nametag.
CHAD
Look at that tongue. Pink and tiny and flickering.
DOT
Im serious, Chad, look at the nametag. Shes a card-carrying member of the Tastee-Creem team.
CHAD
Then she must be sixteen. Or older.
DOT
Barely illegal?
CHAD
Barely socially acceptable. They dont issue work permits to fifteen year olds.
DOT
Yes, they do. I worked when I was fifteen.
CHAD
So much the better.
DOT
You are seriously twisted, Chad.
CHAD
I bet that would taste better piled high with whipped cream and nuts.
DOT
You just want to watch her eat it.
CHAD
And maybe a cherry on top. In a waffle cone. And maybe shed bite off the end, and the vanilla would melt and stream from the bottom and dribble into her lap . . .
DOT
Why do we keep doing this? Why dont you just go up to her and I dont know, have a normal conversation? Ask for her number? Her drivers license?
CHAD
Why do you have to spoil this for me?
DOT
Because this is ridiculous. You need to get over her.
CHAD
I am. Im utterly and completely over it. This has nothing to do with her.
DOT
Why dont you go out with me tomorrow night? We can hit some bars, pick up on some real women. Itll be just like old times.
CHAD
I have absolutely no interest in reliving old times.
DOT
No, youre too busy watching underage girls eat ice cream.
CHAD
Soft serve yogurt.
DOT
When did this start? I dont remember watching you leer at soft-serve machines in high school.
CHAD
I dont know. Six months ago?
DOT
Doesnt that seem like a coincidence to you?
CHAD
Look, Dot, everyone has needs. Stop busting my balls.
DOT
Im just worried about you.
CHAD
Well dont be. Everything is perfectly normal. Perfectly beautiful. Perfectly acceptable. With a cherry on top.
DOT
I cant believe were doing this.
CHAD
Then leave. God, look at that tongue flicker.
chevyblaze87:
That is seriously wrong, but I enjoyed it, is that wrong?
engrishmofaka:
Chad rocks.