I was thinking about dreaming this morning. There is a friend of my brothers who he, his wife and a few other think is gay. This is someone they have all known since grade school. Just recently things have started to happen and he has gone into a major depression and they are starting to wonder. Since they all are guys, no one will talk to him about it. Anyway, I had a dream about talking to Brian last night. He came out to me and we climbed on this roof overlooking these increadable trees that were changing colors (reds, yellows, oranges). We were talking and I was trying to convince him to come out to the group (my brother has had the same friends since jr. high, he's 28, they are all like little brothers to me and they are like family to each other). I kept telling him that nothing would change, which is true. He kept telling me that he had to leave in afew days and there just wasn't enough time to talk it out with them and it would just have to wait. But, he looked so relieved just having told me. I saw Brian for the first time in about a year at the climbing gym last weekend. I'm sure this is why he found his way into my dream space.
I love to dream. i have very vivid and detailed dreams. i daydream a lot to. I've practiced lucid dreaming for years although I rely on it a lot less now than I used to. I used to have nightmares all the time and lucid dreaming helped me control them and get rid of them. Now I like to see where the dreams take me because I know I can shift them if they get too intense. When I am in one of my depressions I love to sleep. I can be anywhere and be anything I want. I can take myself out of the picture completely if need be. i can re-do things I want re-done. It is such a powerful state for me to be n which is ironic since it is in actuality a vulnerable state.
A daydream that I have a lot is that I have to start over. There is nothing that actually kills off my family in the dream, but they ae no where to be found and I am free to go. Sometimes I am dealing with the grief of loosing them, but more often they are just gone and it is OK. Lately I have been going to Seattle to deal with some unfinished business I have with a friend up there . Sometimes this little get together lasts for a while, sometimes it is just a sto on my journey. When I stay in Seattle I tend to go back to school there. I loved going to UW and the people I met there taught me so much. Other times I work random jobs and just float from here to there doing all the things I couldn't do when I lived there. Sometimes I move to CO to be with Julie. My dearest frined and who I would be with if B wasn't in the picture.
The thing that links all of the daydreams together is a sense of freedom and the abiltiy to go anywhere I want, whenever I want. Even when there is a relationship it is seldom emotional enogh to make me stay for long. It is a nice escape from reality and i usually feel better coming back to my reality aftert I have had these time outs. I always wonder if other people zone out like this during the day or dream vividly at night.
Those are my thought for the day. Now back to laundry, vacuuming, bottles, diapers, and preschool pickup.
I love to dream. i have very vivid and detailed dreams. i daydream a lot to. I've practiced lucid dreaming for years although I rely on it a lot less now than I used to. I used to have nightmares all the time and lucid dreaming helped me control them and get rid of them. Now I like to see where the dreams take me because I know I can shift them if they get too intense. When I am in one of my depressions I love to sleep. I can be anywhere and be anything I want. I can take myself out of the picture completely if need be. i can re-do things I want re-done. It is such a powerful state for me to be n which is ironic since it is in actuality a vulnerable state.
A daydream that I have a lot is that I have to start over. There is nothing that actually kills off my family in the dream, but they ae no where to be found and I am free to go. Sometimes I am dealing with the grief of loosing them, but more often they are just gone and it is OK. Lately I have been going to Seattle to deal with some unfinished business I have with a friend up there . Sometimes this little get together lasts for a while, sometimes it is just a sto on my journey. When I stay in Seattle I tend to go back to school there. I loved going to UW and the people I met there taught me so much. Other times I work random jobs and just float from here to there doing all the things I couldn't do when I lived there. Sometimes I move to CO to be with Julie. My dearest frined and who I would be with if B wasn't in the picture.
The thing that links all of the daydreams together is a sense of freedom and the abiltiy to go anywhere I want, whenever I want. Even when there is a relationship it is seldom emotional enogh to make me stay for long. It is a nice escape from reality and i usually feel better coming back to my reality aftert I have had these time outs. I always wonder if other people zone out like this during the day or dream vividly at night.
Those are my thought for the day. Now back to laundry, vacuuming, bottles, diapers, and preschool pickup.