elizagirl

I'm with a guy I love a lot. Yes, this soon. And bits of it are complicated and hurty and hard. The rest is fucking miracle sunshine awesomelaugh yesplease, and I'm crazy about him. I know this, without a doubt. But some of it is so difficult. I feel sad right now and just want to feel good. I want things to feel good. I have faith, and will be patient in this odd situation. But oh, please let it just go easy on us, soon, for a bit?

I just wrote a whoooole blog and deleted it. I'm feeling a weird combination of miserable and sappy, and I'm too confused to share it right now.

So instead:

I went swimming last night, at the giant, ozonated pool, with my friend Al. I wore my new cherry swimsuit and felt pretty cute. We paddled around for an hour and a half or so, then hung out in the steam room til we couldn't breathe. (Aside: At what age should little boys go change in the little boys room, instead of the women's room with their moms? 'Cause I saw a kid in there who had to be nine. And he saw me naked. And like...that kid was old enough to SKATEBOARD. get him outta here!). It was really relaxing, and I needed it. I've been tense as fuck lately, and my back hurts.

Then I came home and watched the other half of The Lives of Others which I started Tuesday night. I really loved it. I'm not sure I've ever seen longing portrayed that well. What an utterly lonesome, plodding existence, the rigid socialist. I loved it, and the ending was beautiful.

'She says she'll never leave again. He says repeatedly "Now I'll have the strength, now I'll do something".'

What a lovely movie.

Between that and Network and Withnail and I, I've had great zip.ca (like netflix) luck lately. I went and added a whole bunch more stuff to my queue today, too.

My skin still smells like chlorine (after a shower! whatup with that), my hair is in really cute ringlets, and I have a zit forming in the crease of my left nostril. Also, I'm on the bleed and feeling as sexy as can be. Did you know you can skip a period, when you're on the pill? I knew that, though last month was the first time I've ever actually done it, but what I DIDN'T know, and what the doc just told me - apparently, according to all the gynecologists, it's harmless to this like...all the time. "But doctor!" I protested, "what about the sloughing off of all my unused uterine lining?" but he says it really is harmless.

Weird. Not for me, though. I think the body should bleed once in a while, personally. Give the ol' ladytubes a thorough cleaning out. So, today I bleed.

Er...men and squeamish wimmins, please don't read the preceding paragraph.

I'm broke. I wish I could get paid to write, on the side, on top of my job. I LIKE writing, and am good at it.

ugh. being on rocky ground with someone you really love is a pretty terrible feeling.

I'm now going for a fancy dinner at a restaurant I can't afford, to bid my manager goodbye with her and the other girls from Marketing (7 of us total). They moved the date because I couldn't come the first time, so I'm really obligated to go....but man, they picked an expensive place. Shit.

Anyway, it should be fun, or whatever. I mostly just want to take off this stupid dress, take off this stupid makeup, curl up on the couch and ignore the world for a while. 2.5 - 3 hours or so and I will do just that.

Ciao, babies.