K, follows are snip bits of converstion with said boy.
boy: Let me ask you something. How do you define dating? When someone says that, what comes to mind?
me: See, I was wondering about that...
me: I'd put "seeing eachother" on the level of the getting to know eachother, but not exclusively committed. "Dating" I'd put on a level of assumed commitment.
boy: I want to date. I think you want to date. But I don't want to find out later that we have different ideas about what that means.
me: :-) I like that answer alot.
me: Hehe, you had me worried.
boy: See, I would put "dating" on the level of not exclusively committed.
me: Not so sure.
boy: Why not? Who comes up with these definitions?
me: See, my roommate is seeing two women, at the same time, and I just think that's kind of hurtful, because then feelings evolve, and eventually choices have to be made.
boy: Hey, I'm not saying I haven't wrestled with it. I completely understand your point. But dating one person until the peters out and then starting the process again with someone else just hasn't been working for me. It gets discouraging. It's probably why I'll date for a while then give it up for like half a year.
boy: I should say it's probably why I used to date for awhile then give it up for awhile.
boy: Before I signed up for Yahoo Personals in January I hadn't had a date since Spring semester of '04.
me: and now?
boy: Well, I've gone out on dates with you and a couple of other people.
boy: I'm not looking to be exclusive right now. I'm sorry if you had a different impression. That's why I wanted to talk about this. Is this going to be okay with you?
me: I'm not expecting to jump into a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship within a week of knowing you, but if we're "dating", by your terms, I'd like to know that there is the possibility that such a relationship might be considered in the future.
boy: Of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?
me: yes
boy: That is what I want eventually. But I want to date first and get to know someone well before taking it to that level. But I can't make no guarentees that it will work out that way.
me: I analyze shit way to much, it's a downfall, and I know that would eat me up. I can't kiss someone if I know they're kissing someone else. Sorry.
boy: I don't think anyone can give guarentees.
boy: Does that mean you don't want to go out again?
boy: To me, dating without any physical contact is just friendship.
me: I like you, I just don't want to be used or hurt. How about friendship seeing where it leads?
boy: I'm sorry. I really didn't get into this to make new female friends. I have those already. I wouldn't mind chatting online, but I want to be with someone who can be more than friends. I'm not saying that I want to have sex or anything, but I would expect kissing and stuff. I understand if you feel uncomfortable about it.
K, you get the point.
FUCKING A! I want a relationship. Not after two dates, but I want the possibility for such. I see his scenio being played out, "seeing" people as desired, and then there comes a time when you have to pick. What then, who's feelings are going to get hurt?
Mine! Because I'm never picked. I'm always fucking second best. A good friend.
I WANT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND DAMNIT. I wan't looking for one, but when a situation finds me, I fall for it, open myself up, and it's the same over and over.
I'm not your fucking gateway to realization. I'm not cake to be eaten with sweeter frosting. I deserve respect damnit. And fuck him for thinking he can dispense his kisses so carelessly.
Edit:
Have erased personal add from yahoo. No more meeting people from offline. If I can't get out and meet people normally, by doing things that might be of mutual interest, I shouldn't be looking for anything at all.
boy: Let me ask you something. How do you define dating? When someone says that, what comes to mind?
me: See, I was wondering about that...
me: I'd put "seeing eachother" on the level of the getting to know eachother, but not exclusively committed. "Dating" I'd put on a level of assumed commitment.
boy: I want to date. I think you want to date. But I don't want to find out later that we have different ideas about what that means.
me: :-) I like that answer alot.
me: Hehe, you had me worried.
boy: See, I would put "dating" on the level of not exclusively committed.
me: Not so sure.
boy: Why not? Who comes up with these definitions?
me: See, my roommate is seeing two women, at the same time, and I just think that's kind of hurtful, because then feelings evolve, and eventually choices have to be made.
boy: Hey, I'm not saying I haven't wrestled with it. I completely understand your point. But dating one person until the peters out and then starting the process again with someone else just hasn't been working for me. It gets discouraging. It's probably why I'll date for a while then give it up for like half a year.
boy: I should say it's probably why I used to date for awhile then give it up for awhile.
boy: Before I signed up for Yahoo Personals in January I hadn't had a date since Spring semester of '04.
me: and now?
boy: Well, I've gone out on dates with you and a couple of other people.
boy: I'm not looking to be exclusive right now. I'm sorry if you had a different impression. That's why I wanted to talk about this. Is this going to be okay with you?
me: I'm not expecting to jump into a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship within a week of knowing you, but if we're "dating", by your terms, I'd like to know that there is the possibility that such a relationship might be considered in the future.
boy: Of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?
me: yes
boy: That is what I want eventually. But I want to date first and get to know someone well before taking it to that level. But I can't make no guarentees that it will work out that way.
me: I analyze shit way to much, it's a downfall, and I know that would eat me up. I can't kiss someone if I know they're kissing someone else. Sorry.
boy: I don't think anyone can give guarentees.
boy: Does that mean you don't want to go out again?
boy: To me, dating without any physical contact is just friendship.
me: I like you, I just don't want to be used or hurt. How about friendship seeing where it leads?
boy: I'm sorry. I really didn't get into this to make new female friends. I have those already. I wouldn't mind chatting online, but I want to be with someone who can be more than friends. I'm not saying that I want to have sex or anything, but I would expect kissing and stuff. I understand if you feel uncomfortable about it.
K, you get the point.
FUCKING A! I want a relationship. Not after two dates, but I want the possibility for such. I see his scenio being played out, "seeing" people as desired, and then there comes a time when you have to pick. What then, who's feelings are going to get hurt?
Mine! Because I'm never picked. I'm always fucking second best. A good friend.
I WANT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND DAMNIT. I wan't looking for one, but when a situation finds me, I fall for it, open myself up, and it's the same over and over.
I'm not your fucking gateway to realization. I'm not cake to be eaten with sweeter frosting. I deserve respect damnit. And fuck him for thinking he can dispense his kisses so carelessly.
Edit:
Have erased personal add from yahoo. No more meeting people from offline. If I can't get out and meet people normally, by doing things that might be of mutual interest, I shouldn't be looking for anything at all.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
The current views of dating in society are really a lot different than they were 30+ years ago. My mom can never figure it out because she said she used to see a few guys. Dating was just going out with people, and if you went out with someone different the next night, it wasn't an issue. I think that the media image of dating has altered this so that now it's either just friends, or 'going steady'. Which is odd and annoying. I don't know of any further disservice you could do to someone than only date one person in your life and then marry them (which happens).
I don't really give advice so much as experience, because I know that, chances are, people won't listen to advice anyway. In my experience, most of the things you worry about now aren't really all that important in two years. So while I'm not saying, "Hey go for this guy," I'm saying don't sweat it. If you go for him, cool whatever, if not, also cool. No need to worry, or be in a hurry.