I survived the office party... after poltiely excusing myself so that I could go to vomit and release all of the bad food mincing with cheap liquor.
It was not all bad, but it wasnt thrilling either.
The ex that I am nonvoluntatily tied to was thrown in jail while I was at my office party.... only I didnt find out until Sunday when my mother called me to let me know. I dont know why it effects me.... but that's not entirely true, I do know why. He and I are tied together for a good reason that ties shit heads like him to nice girls like me. You see, ladies and Gentleman.... I have a 6 year old, 50 lb reminder of this ex that will be part of my life for the rest of it. I dont mind this... in fact I think mother hood probably gave me a lot of learning experience that I craved but would not have gotten any other way. I love him dearly... and thus far I have been raising him alone. He has seen his father periodicly but without any set or regular schedule. But it has been on the average at least a monthy meeting.
This new jail issue screws that up in more ways than I can fathom. Here are the issues. 1- My ex was arrested on felony and misdemeanor issues in a drug bust. (This is one of the reasons that he and our son have spent relatively little time together... i cant condine this behavior around kids) 2- My ex was already on probation and is currently still wanted in Georgia on misdemeanor charges. This arrest violated that probation and is a sure prison sentance. 3- The severity of the felony charge alone is worth 2 years in the pen.
Now I am left with a dad that totally disappears this time from his sone's life, and a little boy that will start to ask questions soon when he notices that he hasnt heard from his dad in a while.
my son is 6, and yes they are resiliant, but does a kid deserve to have a parent disappear on him for so long? My ex would think that it would be ok just to go to jail for a while, years even, and that he could just walk back into his son's life as if it wouldnt be a trauma or an issue. I do have a problem with that. My son has had to come to tems with his father being sparse, unreliable and thoughless. Now he will have to get use to his total absence, and this wont be easy. I think that at this point, if My ex should go up for a few years that he not be allowed back into my boy's life until he is old enough to better understand things. Maybe I am wrong, but I want to spare my son the grief of loosing what little he has left of his father to a thoughtless act. I mean my ex didnt once, and dosent ever consider the effects of his actions on his son. He didnt think that the only person to pay even just a little less than him would be his son. Now in spite of the father's gross lack of regard for the son... (I mean often times the boy is a status symbol for the father or seen as not being an intelligent being capable of seeing, understanding or being effected by the poor treatment at the hands of the father) ... we have kept my son in an avidly loving environment where he is allowed to speak freely about his thoughts and feelings, where he is encouraged to value his own feelings and to express them openly and most importantly where he is taught that he has implicit value as a person and that he is not solely the product of his parents but that he is and can be anything he is willing to put effort toward being. Maybe I shelter him too much or aim him too high in utopic philosophy. In regognition of this I think it is important (even though my own mother damns me for it) to let him see and understand some of the less pleasant features and truths of the world so that he is not so sheltered and one day left shocked and devistated at not having been properly prepared for the sour side of the street.. Children in their childhood states are resiliant. If he is allowed to see and know things as they are he will recover and come to understand these things as being part of truth. But if this sad view is given something against which to compare it (for example, love, joy, art thought and an appreciation for effort and freedom) and given the greater goods as the other side of truth.... he is kept well in a balance where he is supported and nurtured, but prepared. Sometimes the truth hurts.... but given both sides when one is best equipt to acclimate to it....one can absorb, process and develop a basis for thier own existence in a healthy way.
So ok, I think too much. But he's worth it.
I have not told the child yet what has happened, and for now I dont intend to. I need to think more on this. I have an appointment with a children's therapist for input. It might sound lame or weak, but I honestly dont know what would be best developmentally for my son in dealing with this issue... so I am doing the only thing I know to do, educating myself, asking for and getting help, learning what I need to learn in order to teach my son how to live well.
Wish me luck!
It was not all bad, but it wasnt thrilling either.
The ex that I am nonvoluntatily tied to was thrown in jail while I was at my office party.... only I didnt find out until Sunday when my mother called me to let me know. I dont know why it effects me.... but that's not entirely true, I do know why. He and I are tied together for a good reason that ties shit heads like him to nice girls like me. You see, ladies and Gentleman.... I have a 6 year old, 50 lb reminder of this ex that will be part of my life for the rest of it. I dont mind this... in fact I think mother hood probably gave me a lot of learning experience that I craved but would not have gotten any other way. I love him dearly... and thus far I have been raising him alone. He has seen his father periodicly but without any set or regular schedule. But it has been on the average at least a monthy meeting.
This new jail issue screws that up in more ways than I can fathom. Here are the issues. 1- My ex was arrested on felony and misdemeanor issues in a drug bust. (This is one of the reasons that he and our son have spent relatively little time together... i cant condine this behavior around kids) 2- My ex was already on probation and is currently still wanted in Georgia on misdemeanor charges. This arrest violated that probation and is a sure prison sentance. 3- The severity of the felony charge alone is worth 2 years in the pen.
Now I am left with a dad that totally disappears this time from his sone's life, and a little boy that will start to ask questions soon when he notices that he hasnt heard from his dad in a while.
my son is 6, and yes they are resiliant, but does a kid deserve to have a parent disappear on him for so long? My ex would think that it would be ok just to go to jail for a while, years even, and that he could just walk back into his son's life as if it wouldnt be a trauma or an issue. I do have a problem with that. My son has had to come to tems with his father being sparse, unreliable and thoughless. Now he will have to get use to his total absence, and this wont be easy. I think that at this point, if My ex should go up for a few years that he not be allowed back into my boy's life until he is old enough to better understand things. Maybe I am wrong, but I want to spare my son the grief of loosing what little he has left of his father to a thoughtless act. I mean my ex didnt once, and dosent ever consider the effects of his actions on his son. He didnt think that the only person to pay even just a little less than him would be his son. Now in spite of the father's gross lack of regard for the son... (I mean often times the boy is a status symbol for the father or seen as not being an intelligent being capable of seeing, understanding or being effected by the poor treatment at the hands of the father) ... we have kept my son in an avidly loving environment where he is allowed to speak freely about his thoughts and feelings, where he is encouraged to value his own feelings and to express them openly and most importantly where he is taught that he has implicit value as a person and that he is not solely the product of his parents but that he is and can be anything he is willing to put effort toward being. Maybe I shelter him too much or aim him too high in utopic philosophy. In regognition of this I think it is important (even though my own mother damns me for it) to let him see and understand some of the less pleasant features and truths of the world so that he is not so sheltered and one day left shocked and devistated at not having been properly prepared for the sour side of the street.. Children in their childhood states are resiliant. If he is allowed to see and know things as they are he will recover and come to understand these things as being part of truth. But if this sad view is given something against which to compare it (for example, love, joy, art thought and an appreciation for effort and freedom) and given the greater goods as the other side of truth.... he is kept well in a balance where he is supported and nurtured, but prepared. Sometimes the truth hurts.... but given both sides when one is best equipt to acclimate to it....one can absorb, process and develop a basis for thier own existence in a healthy way.
So ok, I think too much. But he's worth it.
I have not told the child yet what has happened, and for now I dont intend to. I need to think more on this. I have an appointment with a children's therapist for input. It might sound lame or weak, but I honestly dont know what would be best developmentally for my son in dealing with this issue... so I am doing the only thing I know to do, educating myself, asking for and getting help, learning what I need to learn in order to teach my son how to live well.
Wish me luck!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I can speak from some personal experience, having been born to a single mother (not sure when my father and mother divorced...I have never breeched the issue...I should someday...) who was single from before I can remember until my 2nd grade year. I saw my dad regularly, although more like every 2-3 months as opposed to every month...and while a very gentle and nice man, my mom rarely had anything good to say about him (nor anything bad, for that matter) and he was never a real role model. He was a paranoid schizophrenic before I knew him and as such has never held a job, smoked incessantly, and other things.
I'm starting to ramble a bit, but my point is that while my father was never a role model, nor a bad person, nor an asset to the country or family, I was always allowed to make up my own mind as I wished. My mother never overtly influenced me, and usually if I did exhibit any influence, she balanced it out gently. I have always made up my own mind about him.
Unfortunately, mine never had drug problems or jail problems, so my mom was very open to letting me be with him. Who knows...I even lost track of where this was going.
My own father wasn't around much, he just appeared whenever he felt like playing Dad which is bad for kids at the age yours is at. Kids that age need stability and to know they can depend on their parents. Fathers (or mothers) should either be there consistantly or not be there at all. They don't do the kids any favours coming around from time to time.